Bridgebuilder Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Hi all, Was looking for some advice here. So I had posted back in October talking about my amazing girlfriend and how I was given an ultimatum to choose between her and moving to California for my dream job and I chose her... 5 months down the road, my decision still ate at me every day and when our relationship was going through a rough patch, I began to regret my decision. Luckily my dream job was still on the table and I was able to get a second offer, so this time I accepted. My girlfriend feels betrayed, but she said she is willing to make compromises and do long distance because she knows I am the one. I do love this girl with all of my heart and I could see us getting married. But here is the catch... in order for her to try long distance, she is putting an ultimatum that we must be engaged before I leave to pursue my dream job. This kind of caught me off guard because I am not completely ready to be engaged at this point. I can definitely see it in the future, but I would like to try long distance for a couple of months and see how we react before I put a ring on it. I don't see us breaking up, but I know that long distance is hard. The reason she wants this reassurance is because I went back and forth about moving to California multiple times and was not completely honest about it all the time, which I took full responsibility for. I am just afraid of jumping into an engagement, even if it is a long engagement, before I feel I am completely ready. But at the same time, I do not want to lose her. Thanks for the replies in advanced! Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Forcing you to be engaged.....yeah, she's a keeper! I wouldn't do it. Tell her you will give her a ring when she moves to CA AND has a job. Link to comment
Denguin Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Nope. Wouldn't even consider it. If you don't think you're ready now... Just wait until the distance comes into play. You made the choice to take your job elsewhere, and you're going to have to face the consequences of that one way or another. Link to comment
No1 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Marry this woman today! I would love to find a woman that if she doesnt get her way then Ultimatums are how she deals with things. Id love a woman who doesnt want to comprimise or talk about things.. No, that is way over rated.. give me a woman who is controlling manipulating and uses "me or them" technique to settle everything.. You have a keeper.. let me know when the wedding is. Link to comment
notanotherpoet Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 From a girls POV, let me say this: You need to tell her that if she really loves you, she won't give you an ultimatum. That's not how love works, it's compromise. If she still won't budge, she's not the one dude! Link to comment
Ronniesgirl Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I really just don't get some women. So, let's say you agree, buy a ring and put it on her finger and you call yourself 'engaged'. So f-n what?? If your r-ship doesn't work long distance/for any other reasons you can get un-engaged within seconds by saying to her something along the lines of: 'Sorry but for 'insert reasons' I don't want to be with you anymore, farewell'. What's this obsession with being engaged? If breaking an engagement was a felony punishable by a long jail sentence, yes I could understand, but it's not!! Link to comment
Bridgebuilder Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Well just a little update for everyone... She change the ultimatum back to if I go we are breaking up and she doesn't want to even try long distance... So looks like I'm single again. Anyone want to go to Vegas? haha just kidding... but seriously, Vegas, let's go. Link to comment
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