bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am currently in a 4-year relationship but I feel so unhappy at times. I have had a lot of stress going on due to a job situation that isn't that great to wondering how long it will take to find a better job and such. Anyway, there are times I feel demeaned and even ignored by my boyfriend. Just last weekend I asked if he wanted to go shopping with me for a pair of tennis shoes. He actually said "I don't want to go shopping with you for a pair of shoes since I would be babysitting you" and I was like ? Now, it feels like he doesn't want to hang out which is why I don't ask to go out as much anymore since he mostly replies "No or I'm tired." However, he had no problem asking me to go to a hockey game with him this weekend. I don't get it and it feels like when he wants to do something it's always right instead of me. Even sex is like this. Anyway, on to my ex boyfriend. He was my first love in high school and for some reason, I could never shake him off completely. I mean, we ended things on good terms but as of lately, I would think of him a lot. I would wake up at 5 am and my mind would start imagining being with him and I would not be able to go back to sleep. It's getting to the point where idk if I should do anything about this and to clear my conscience about it. Any advice? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You are unhappy in your current relationship. Focus on fixing it or get out of it. Recycling past relationships and connections is just escapism. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 You are unhappy in your current relationship. Focus on fixing it or get out of it. Recycling past relationships and connections is just escapism. I feel as if we've been trying to fix things for the longest. I haven't gotten off in 3 weeks my bf knows and he didn't really care. He seems mostly concerned about his wants. Sometimes I don't think connecting with an ex is a bad thing all the time. I don't have any love feelings or anything like that but I think about him sexually. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Then end it. Sometimes I don't think connecting with an ex is a bad thing all the time. I don't have any love feelings or anything like that but I think about him sexually. Acting on these thoughts is called....cheating. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Then end it. Sometimes I don't think connecting with an ex is a bad thing all the time. I don't have any love feelings or anything like that but I think about him sexually. Acting on these thoughts is called....cheating. I would never cheat. I was just saying that was how I thought of my ex. I haven't talked to him at all. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I hear a "yet" in that sentence. Are you thinking of telling your current bf that you are having sexual thoughts of your ex? Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 There is no yet and no I am not telling my bf that. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 There is no yet and no I am not telling my bf that. You aren't happy. Your boyfriend is selfish, immature and has grown complacent. You either tell him directly that something needs to change or else you live with him taking you for granted. But this won't get better on its own. Your ex is just representative of qualities you are wishing in your bf right now. Your mind is taking you to a happy place of feeling desired, loved and appreciated. My personal advice/opinion. Dump your bf and go find a man worthy of your time and love. This joker doesn't care. Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 maybe you wouldn't think about your ex so much if you weren't so miserable in your current relationship. i wonder why you stay in it if you can see that nothing is going to change? are you just afraid of being single or what? thoughts of the ex aside, your boyfriend doesn't seem to be much of a catch. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 maybe you wouldn't think about your ex so much if you weren't so miserable in your current relationship. i wonder why you stay in it if you can see that nothing is going to change? are you just afraid of being single or what? thoughts of the ex aside, your boyfriend doesn't seem to be much of a catch. I guess I am afraid... I don't have any friends really and I mostly stay to myself. I even ditched social media 5 years ago. So idk. There are times he's nice and would get me gifts and we've taken trips together stuff that I've never done with anyone else. However I am still unhappy emotionally and sexually cuz there are times I feel he doesn't vie for me. Other guys I was with always showed a sexual appetite towards me. He even told me he looks at porn nearly everyday and he also plays video games often. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You've been with him for 4 years. There is nothing to "vie" for!!! Are you guys living together? BTW ---- most men hate shopping. And going and buying a pair of sneakers wouldn't ring their bell. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Have you talked to him about this and told him your feelings? It's easy to not cause waves in a relationship and try to answer your own questions and address your frustrations on your own, but sometimes being open and challenging the relationship directly can bring it to a higher level. Sometimes not. But ultimately, you need to make these concerns clear so you don't end up spinning your wheels in a failing relationship if it ultimately doesn't work out. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I guess I am afraid... I don't have any friends really and I mostly stay to myself. I even ditched social media 5 years ago. So idk. There are times he's nice and would get me gifts and we've taken trips together stuff that I've never done with anyone else. However I am still unhappy emotionally and sexually cuz there are times I feel he doesn't vie for me. Other guys I was with always showed a sexual appetite towards me. He even told me he looks at porn nearly everyday and he also plays video games often. You've been with him for 4 years. There is nothing to "vie" for!!! Are you guys living together? BTW ---- most men hate shopping. And going and buying a pair of sneakers wouldn't ring their bell. Yea but its ok for him to ask me to go wth him to do the same the same thing? Yes, that actually happened. Still no excuse for him to say what he said. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 He said what he meant. If he asked you to go buy shoes --- and you wanted to go --- that's up to you. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 You've been with him for 4 years. There is nothing to "vie" for!!! Are you guys living together? BTW ---- most men hate shopping. And going and buying a pair of sneakers wouldn't ring their bell. Also I didn't mean vie I meant a yearning or excited. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 He said what he meant. If he asked you to go buy shoes --- and you wanted to go --- that's up to you. Yea but I never say comments like its me babysitting him. Or make him feel belittled. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 He is looking at porn everyday and playing video games every day. That would appear where his interest lies. I think you can do better. Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Have you talked to him about this and told him your feelings? It's easy to not cause waves in a relationship and try to answer your own questions and address your frustrations on your own, but sometimes being open and challenging the relationship directly can bring it to a higher level. Sometimes not. But ultimately, you need to make these concerns clear so you don't end up spinning your wheels in a failing relationship if it ultimately doesn't work out. I try to and when I do, to him its "starting something". Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I try to and when I do, to him its "starting something". Tell him, yes it is, because this is getting to the point you are questioning the relationship. If he still doesn't want to talk about it, then is the relationship for you? Link to comment
bamboobam Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Tell him, yes it is, because this is getting to the point you are questioning the relationship. If he still doesn't want to talk about it, then is the relationship for you? Yea you made a good point. If he rants about it then I am taking a break from him. Link to comment
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