andreigolovat Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 We were together for over 2,5 years. We loved each other very much. We had a very nice relationship that we both dreamed about. Unfortunately, during the last month we had a couple of fights. We got very cold towards each other and later, she decided to break up. One month passed and recently, I decided to take some flowers, go to her class at Uni and tell her how much I love her and want her back. She got very shy but she liked it very much. She started crying and telling me that she regrets about what she has done, and that she is already in another relationship. She continued saying that she doesn't deserve me and she did not want to hurt my feelings. The next day, I received a message saying that I am the best but all she wanted is care. During our relationship, she warned me about being careless several times and I did not change. We then started a small conversation that we both enjoyed very much. We brought up old good memories. However, when I was outlining my positive parts, she was telling me to stop, because she was remembering how good I am and it made her feel bad. We then discussed about her new boyfriend, I told her that she doesn't like him very much, but she replied that he cares about her. This is now we finished our conversation: Me Are you happy? She Why are you asking? Me Because I know the answer. There's no other person who knows you better than me. It looks like you are dating your new boyfriend just not to feel lonely. I know how you talk, smile, look like when you are happy! She How did you manage to find this out? Me I've been dating you 2,5 years. She No, I am happy. Me Then why do you still feel bad about our break up? She Sorry, I have to go. Thank you very much for the conversation! I do know that she still has feelings for me and she likes me more than her new boyfriend. I want her back, but I want to do this in a mature way. What do you think? What should I do in my case? What would be the best way to get her back? I thought of sending her another text saying that I have definitely changed, and that she will be the happiest person with me... But I don't want to put pressure on her. Thank you in advance Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Wow, if you want to make this girl dislike you then you are going about it the right way. You are coming accross as arrogant and implying that you know her better than SHE knows herself. You don't know how she feels about this new guy at all. You should be listening to what she is saying and HEARING it. She said she is happy. And, no, you haven't changed. The issue was that you didn't care, right? Well if you did care about her, you would actually listen and respect what she is telling you. This mission to get her back is all about what you want with little regard to what she wants. Sorry if that sounds harsh. I know you are hurting and I know how horrible it is ... but your emotions are getting the better of you. All you can do is give this girl the space she needs to work things out for herself ... whatever the outcome. And, in the meantime, you have to work towards accepting what has happened and that have to start moving forwards with your life. That won't stop her from coming back if she wants but it will at least help you get to an emotionally stronger place for whatever lies ahead. Link to comment
FirstIn Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I think you are thinking about this all the wrong way. She broke up with you because you were careless? Because of a few fights? please..... please, please, please don't take anything she says as being correct, even if she means it and believes it. Sure these may be things you can improve, but were they really enough for someone to end it over? I had a girl once give me a list of things that were wrong about me. I spent a year trying to improve them all. haha I didn't matter, she would have left anyway. I could have given my current ex a list of things wrong with her but I would have never have left her. Get me? If it was the other way around, wouldn't you have said "hey, I once again feel like you are letting things slip, I'm worried we are going to have to break up if you don't do something about it". Don't suck up to her and believe her crap. She loves you but is not in love with you. She is doing nasty things with another guy and probably caused fights as a means to end it (maybe even subconsciously). She might of meant well but something was telling her to sabotage it all and go hook up with the new guy. Think. You love her, would you have used the same reasons to end it? Would you have moved on to a new girl so quickly? NO and NO. Time to take her of the pedestal. Find a girl who would fight for you and plead with you to before walking away. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 please don't take anything she says as being correct, even if she means it and believes it. Sure these may be things you can improve, but were they really enough for someone to end it over? I had a girl once give me a list of things that were wrong about me. I spent a year trying to improve them all. haha I didn't matter, she would have left anyway.. See, this is the thing, by the time anyone realises they need to change, it is often too late. Either that or no changes are necessary and they are just excuses or justifications to leave the relationship. OP, if you know that you could have been a better boyfriend then take that lesson with you. If not then maybe she was just looking for a way out. Link to comment
andreigolovat Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you for your replies! Why would she tell me that it is still difficult for her to survive our break up? I have talked with her mother privately and she has told me that my ex had a very bad period after the break up. This is very strange to me. I know her very well and she is definitely not very happy about her new relationship. She kept telling me that I am the best while being with her new boyfriend. Isn't that weird? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Everyone has a hard time in breaking up. It's normal. Link to comment
andreigolovat Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Is there any chance to get this relationship back? Do you think it is possible for me to convince her that we should be back together? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You cannot convince anyone to do anything they don't want to do. And she is already with someone else. So I would say.....no. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 If she wasn't happy in her new relationship, she wouldn't be in it. And if she was finding it difficult to survive, I'm sure she would have come back. A lot of the time our ex's tell us things they think will ease our pain whilst also taking some of the pressure off them. It eases their guilt if they feel they are unburdening us of all the pain by telling us they are hurting too. As things stand YOU are the one telling her she isn't happy whilst SHE is the one saying she is happy and cutting your conversation off. That must surely account for something. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you for your replies! Why would she tell me that it is still difficult for her to survive our break up? I have talked with her mother privately and she has told me that my ex had a very bad period after the break up. This is very strange to me. I know her very well and she is definitely not very happy about her new relationship. She kept telling me that I am the best while being with her new boyfriend. Isn't that weird? Interesting that you didn't convey to her that you found out from her mother that she was unhappy. Not through your super powers. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Is there any chance to get this relationship back? Do you think it is possible for me to convince her that we should be back together? As mhowe said, you can't convince anyone that they should come back. If you are meant to be she will come to that realisation all by herself and in her own time. Link to comment
andreigolovat Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you very much for your help! I have definitely taken a lesson from this. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.