i just cant get over my first love :(

[luvedup]

Hi all, i just need some words of wisdom.

Around 4 years ago before i came out as a gay woman i met a girl at work and, long story short, we started falling for each other. It was all a secret as i was closeted and the line of work we were in, its a big issue dating colleagues. But we were crazy for each other and it was very intense. However our situation with work and other factors prevented us becoming an item..more on her part than mine as i was willing to come out and do anything for us to be together.

Anyway this all ended painfully over a year n half ago, i left my job and became self employed and we barely talk anymore unless she contacts me wishing happy birthday etc. Iv met someone else who i love to bits, we've been together for a year and i would never ever dream of hurting her but in the back of my mind i still know, and feel, like im eternally inlove with my first love..im pining for her, I cant get her off my mind, i compare my current girlfriend to her, i get tearful sometimes when something reminds me of her and i often dream about her then wake up to my girlfriend feeling horribly guilty because she deserves my all. I just want to get over my first love so i can settle and be happy. Any advise would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance

[mhowe]

Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.

 

Perhaps you could do some reading about attachment theory. It would appear your issue is Limerence.

[luvedup]

That's so interesting thank you!..however its been 4 years and according to the information iv researched on limerence, these feelings should have gone by now.

[mhowe]

Do more reading. It will last as long as you don't actually do something to stop the thought process. It doesn't magically disappear.