How do I tell my partner Im ready for children?

[mhowe]

You don't have a residency order but you have a house.

You want another child but come to this forum for parenting help.

Two years ago you were married with a 7 month old.

 

And you think this is a stable environment to introduce another child??

[CharlieCheese]

I asked for advice about a programme, wow somebody ring up the social because I asked for advice well bugger me, didn't realise asking for a few tips was neglect.

I own my home due to very unfortunate circumstances and if you really must know it was my mums house before she passed away.

Two years ago I was in a horrible relationship, had no control of my own life and was a complete wreck.

Now as Ive said countless times on this post, I have a full time job, own my home, am in a stable relationship and most importantly a woman in control of her own life, but yet none of that seems to matter really does it

[Batya33]

I would not do this if your main reason is to have children close in age. Your hesitance to bring this up with your partner after 3 years together either means that you think he's not ready in general to have one with you, ever, or that he would have the same reaction I am (and others) to your plan to have another child in the not too distant future. Obviously it's not a lighthearted subject but your hesitance speaks volumes.

[sophie274]

I think some of you guys aren't getting the point, I have made a personal choice of probably never getting married again, marriage does not secure or stable anything, I know this from past experience, I married my ex because everyone said it would "secure" the relationship, didn't happen. Raising a child is never easy no matter who you are regardless of weather they are fathered by different men weather it be in a years time or 3 years time it makes no difference to there being 2 separate fathers and regardless of the age gap. My partner doesn't have a child of his own hence why "how do I speak about it"

 

I think it's ok to not want to get married again as long as you have some sort of agreement that formalizes your commitment to each other and that protects your children in the case of a breakup. Everyone knows that being married is not a guarantee of anything, of course. That being said, if you are too unsure of the relationship to be willing to formalize it, which is in the best interests of your children, then I don't think the relationship is anywhere near stable enough for children. And yes, it is relevant that you are still very young, that you are relatively recently divorced ... More time in the relationship before conceiving a child will likely ensure that you two are more stable, know better how to function together, and are both more mature and more financially stable.

 

I also don't think wanting your children to be close in age is a good reason. I understand why you might want that, but it is such a detail compared to the bigger picture of bringing a new child into this world and first making sure that you are doing everything you possibly can to guarantee a stable environment for his childhood. I'm rather surprised you've never talked about children with your boyfriend. Neither my boyfriend nor I have any children, and we've certainly discussed how children might fit into the picture, when, how many, etc ... since relatively early in the relationship (in vaguer terms then than now), along with marriage and other goals. I don't see the issue with asking very directly: "Do you think you want to have children?" or "I want to have more children some day. What about you?". No need to tiptoe around it. It's a very very normal subject for people in a relationship to discuss.