Back friends after a year, what's next? HELP

[burnmyfire]

Looking for some advice. I dated this wonderful girl for almost four years, have known her for 5 + years, a great girl. We parted ways in the fall of 03 after months of arguing and bickering. I think the main problem was she was depressed from being unemployed and a few health problems. I didn't speak to her for 9 months except once. In August of 04 she called the day before my birthday and left a message. I blew it off and then she called again on my b day and wished me a happy one and asked if she could see me. I said yes. Then we hung out for months. I went to the beach for a week and came back and expected to hang out like before but she blew me off. Now since thanksgiving we talk everyday go out and have great fun but it usually stays at that. I asked her the other day what were the chances of us getting back together. Because I won't lie this girl is the best and I love her dearly, love her family and vise versa. Her reply was "Let's just don't rush it and see where it leads". What do I do? I'm so confused. She says she loves me a lot but not like it was before and it seems kinda weird to her, and she says that there is no one else and if there were she would tell me. I need an answer because I'm at a point in my life that I can't wait long, because I'm getting older and have turned down a few dates for her cuz I love her and want to see it work. I need a word of advice or something I can say. Please help me. Thanx burnmyfire

[Iceman26]

This is an easy fix I think. Stop turning down those dates and start meeting new people!

 

Why should you be subjected to her time table? You cant predict what she is going to decide what she wants to do (either be with you or move on to someone else).

 

I also think that if she wanted to be with you, then she would be. I think she is probably fearing her loss of friendship with you, if she were to tell you that she didnt want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you again.

[burnmyfire]

Thats the thing she did say that she wanted a relationship with me again, but she thought that it wouldnt be good if we rushed it. Im not sure it not like im desperate but i think we would both like that but sometimes im unsure, is there anyway we could talk about it without jinksing it or is time what we need and if so what should be the limititations? thanx for your reply iceman

 

burnmyfire

[cassiana]

The way I see it you are either dating or you are not.If she wants to stay friends fine, but start dating anyway. It might make her realise what she wants. If she wants you to wait but won't guarantee a reconciliation then, unless you did something terrible to her, she is asking too much, You must get out of limbo. Im dating even though I miss my ex and want him back but I must assume the worst and hope for the best, as you must.

[Iceman26]

Cassiana said it better then I could have dude.

[DN]

when someone gives you statements like 'let's not rush things' always ask for clarification. Ask where you think the relationship would be in, say, six months,or a year. If the answer is not what you want to hear, then say so. Tell her that the answer doesn't meet your expectations and that the relationship is not working for you and unless you can come to some sort of agreement as to where you're heading, you will move on. Be calm and quiet but firm. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

 

If she continues to string you along, then end it. A relationship where one person is more considerate, loving or into it more than other rarely works.

[zab]

dont wait around and dont deny dates and also never believe a woman if she says there is no 1 else bcuz there usually is something small but its still there. Just live it up for now n she will realise what she wants

 

Zab

[ajk]

i think DN gave you great advice about asking for clarification...

 

i would also definitely not turn dates down

[lady00]

It sounds to me like you two are already in a relationship but she just doesn't want to call it that for some reason. That is a bit odd. I would advise against dating others just to make her jealous. She says she wants to be with you right? I would take her word for it...she wants to be with you but wants to take things slowly...nothing wrong with that. If you like her, then don't date others. She'll probably see that as disrespectful and run the other way.