piece of advice

[ashik]

everybody..i guess its good if we learn from each others mistakes..

so this is somethin i did:

 

after my gf and i broke up back in oct, i kept everything in a box and kept it somwehere, this included scrap books, pics, cards etc etc.

 

then on fri i decided to open it..I DONO Y..and i read the card and i saw the pics...and it was lik i was bak to sq one. Like i am better now, but DO NOT look at those things until u know ur fully healed. Its lik im bak to november now or somethin.

[red12]

Im in that sitation right now to I just broke up with my gf of about 1 month and 2 weeks. Well I still have pictures of her and stuff and I still got the note she wrote me in my wallet. But im have not throw none of them out yet. The pictures are in my tv stand. And have yet to get any of them out.

 

Im not for sher if I should just throw them out or let them set in their. Cause you know I was thinking well what if I want something to look at in the future of my one of my gf's but then a nother part the stronger part tells me to throw it out and get rid of it. What do you think I should do throw it out or keep it?

[sisterlynch]

I would put it off by at least 6 mos to a year, just to make sure that the emotions don't come flooding back.

[Vert]

I have a strange situation to ask you guys about...

 

My ex and I have been broken up for almost 5 months now. I was back home for Christmas and I ended up visiting her at her apartment. This was the first time we'd seen each other since the breakup or even spoken to each other either. In her room she had every memento, picture, or trinket that I'd ever bought her or given to her. She said she pulled them all out and placed them in her room after we'd broken up (she dumped me, btw). She even had a note next to her computer that I'd sent her after 3 months of dating when I said I loved her and hoped for many more months to come. Is that strange that she tried to find everything and put it in plain view? I took all my stuff that I'd had before and shoved it into a box somewhere. I'm fine about looking at that stuff now, but why would she do that?

[Kaspa]

Ya dude totaly. I had this intense relationship/friendship with a girl and we had some awsome times. Any ways one of the last times we chilled , we took a black and white film of us drinking, it was just the 2 of us and we got very wasted. Any ways she threw me away and broke my heart and then like 3 months later I opend up the pics and they hit me so hard, pics of this amazing time with her, and then right when i got to the last one, a little picture we took together at the mall fell out, we took it while we were waiting for these ones to develop, it was also on my birthday. So that got me feelin totaly bashed, very similar story.

[sisterlynch]

She probably still is hurting over the break up and maybe wanted you to act interested in her. She maybe broke up for the wrong reason, and she did not know how to tell you that.

[Vert]

Possibly. If that's the case then I didn't do that at all. I basically told her that I do miss her, but given our distance (a few states apart now) it would be really hard to get back together. She said she's been depressed lately but that also goes to the fact that she's feeling sad about still being in school while her old friends have all graduated. Yesterday she had an AIM away msg that read "she's lost inside" after she told me that. Anyway, I'm still confused as to why someone that did the dumping would keep all of those memories in plain view.

[sisterlynch]

I don't know if she has other issues, but if her friends are gone and you are gone, she probably just is remembering how things were. You would think that she would put them away since she knew that you were coming over...sometimes depression leads us to behave in a strange manner since we are sort of internal thinkers, not so in touch with the outside world. There is a sense of denial that goes with it, and a sense of helplessness and sometimes hopelessness. Try being a friend to her if you can.

[xmrth]

If that relationship is completely over with, just keep it around until you feel as though you've lost the feeling of sentimental value, and toss it. Never look back!

[goddess23]

hey...i just wanted to add my two cents lolo. i know exactly what its like, some days you feel like it doesnt matter, the past is the past and then you'll look at something they gave you and it feels like the day after the breakup. its so hard...i think that looking back is part of healing though...because eventually you'll realize you can look back and smile instead of smile then cry lol. i think its part of learning, but something you do after awhile when you think you're ready.

[a.d.c.]

My ex had made me a scrapbook for our 2 year anniversary. It took her months to make and it had things like movie ticket stubs that we had seen together, score sheets from miniature golf games, pictures of us, letters, all the special cards that I had given her, and some other things.

 

So what did I do with all of it?

I gave it all back to her and told her to take good care of it.

And that when I was ready to take it all back that I would ask for it.

 

So now I have nothing but the memories in my head.

It's definetely helped me knowing she has all that stuff and not me.

 

She wasn't too happy when I gave it back to her but she still took it and said she would take care of it until I was ready to take it back.

Oh and she's like some of your ex's. SHE broke up with ME but she still kept our pictures up in her room. I don't get it.

 

Well it's been 3 months after the break up, About 6 weeks of NC, and i don't care for getting my stuff back yet. Plus it's not worth breaking NC over it.

[Vert]

adc,

I don't know man. My buddy had this theory though....

 

If she wants everything in the open then she has closure on the issue. It doesn't bother her to see it and actually makes her happy of what you had together. To her, that is true closure.

[a.d.c.]

That's a good theory and that may very well be how she feels.

 

But I was kinda hoping that maybe she would kill herself knowing that I have nothing to remind me of her anymore and that she has every picture of us to look at and ponder the what ifs of her decision and our relationship.

 

I guess it could just be wishful thinking though, huh?

[Vert]

Hehe well, while I don't agree with the killing herself thing, I do wish that she would have put it all away as well. Having it out in the open makes me think she doesn't want anything back at all because she has all she needs -- the memories.

 

Like I said, she probably views it as someone would of a memorable trip to Hawaii. Wants to keep all the pictures, mementos, and trinkets to remind her of the good times.

[Mr. B]

When my first girl friend broke up with me (over religion), I made no haste to get rid of everything related to her. I left her picture on my desk until I found something to replace it with, which I think was about three weeks. It sucked that she broke up with me, but I had and still have fond memories of her, and it would do me no good to deny her existence. For me, it's best to face such things and learn to accept them rather than stuff everything in a box. Without our experiences, we're just bags of mostly water.

[Vert]

That quote is going in the profile man... I love it

[a.d.c.]

Hey vert, I meant kill herself mentally not physically. lol

BTW I just read your sig. I can't believe Charles Dickens is censored.

That's too funny

[a.d.c.]

Never mind you changed it already.

[Vert]

LOL I had to man. Mr B's comment was money.

 

...but yea, they edited his name out... it was a bit humorous yet lame.

[Mr. B]

That quote is going in the profile man... I love it I'm flattered.