Dont Understand

[Kensico22]

Maybe someone can enlighten me on someone who in the past dated someone who treated her very poorly - and stayed with them for 2+ years? Is this a reflection upon themselves? I do not (and will not) treat someone that way whom I care about. Is it necessary to have to play that game? I would hope not cause thats unhealthy - Thanks

[Clinton]

Some people allow themselves to be treated badly. It can be for a whole host of reasons, many of them dealing with confidence and self-worth.

 

And no, no one should play those games in order to have a relationship

[DancingFool]

Relationships are a game of pros and cons. People stay for as long as they feel that the pros outweigh the cons. What we all have to keep in mind is that people rarely talk about the pros, but they love to vent about the cons, so you are liable to get a very badly skewed view of the relationship when all you hear are the cons. So it's always important to remind yourself that if they keep staying, there must be something they are not telling you about that they really like. On top of that, there are no blanket, one size fits all rules. Everyone is a little different, which is why finding the right relationship is so challenging. You have to match on a lot of different points. What that means for you is that you be who you are and you seek someone who wants who you are.

[redswim30]

Well, I could throw out the old adage of "People accept the love they think they deserve"

 

But I think it's far simpler than that. I think a lot of people are emotionally lazy. So they accept the first thing that comes their way or refuse to let go of something that they know isn't right.

Complacency is huge. Especially in long marriages. No one is happy, but they stay together because they have kids or because they don't want to "start over" or because they don't want to "look bad" to other people.

 

I think many people value "How they look to other people" over their own personal happiness and stay in bad relationships for that reason. VERY sad to me.

[safenow]

People don't get treated poorly straight away. They tend to be in a vulnerable state initially and therefore attract bullies and manipulators, who charm the pants off them and insist on their trust.

Being treated poorly generally occurs over time, through constant but subtle, boundary pushing. A drip, drip effect until finally it becomes abuse of some sort.

[regular joe]

Sometimes it just that when you feel everything is going well, it is. You see the relationship through rose colored glasses, that evrything is great. When the time comes and you have to take that step back and look at it, you realize that it isn't as good as you think it is. Then at that point thins you thought were cute or didn't bother you. Aren't cute at all and/ or it really does bother you.