SugarSweetness407 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Ugh, my ex called me today, i thought i was going to flip, but i was actually really calm, but very distant. He just went on talking about he knows he needs to change, and how sorry he is for everything he has done and on and on things i've heard all before. Then he went on to say that he has to consintrate on his life and get things in order, and the way it sounded was like he expected me to wait around for him to figure things out or something. i just went on sayin that i was happy being alone, it's given me time to hang out with friends and help take care of myself, and do the things that i onced loved. Then he asked if i missed him, im like well, "honestly, no..things with us have been bad for so long that there really wasn't anything for me to miss" i dont think he was expecting that, but that was the truth, how could you miss something you weren't happy with? I also told him that it was weird talking to him, and that i don't know if i truly love him like i once did. I mean i know i love him a part of me always will, but there is just so much hurt in between us, that the love that i once really had for him was throw out the window with all the bad things that he has done to me. He said he understood, which he always says, but days later its back to the same thing. I told him that i don't know i am not saying that i never want to be with him again, because i really don't know, but i do know that i don't deserve to be treated the ways that i have in the past. and he has a lot of proving to do, not only to me but to my family and friends because he not only hurt me he has hurt everyone that loves me. I am actually thinking about sending him that "Loser" article, i don't think that will change anything, he has to change himself, but its a different out-look and he might be able to see it thru my eyes on how he really is. Well i needed to vent....thanks for listening i dont know what advice i am looking for, but any words or encouragement or anything would be welcomed. thank you Everyone...you are all SOOO WONDERFUL!! Link to comment
iamwhoiam Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 wow...good for you for being so strong! Link to comment
MissDiddl Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 hi, sorry i didnt follow your topic closely. What loser article are you talking about? I'm in a very similar situation to you as well. Might be helpful for me Link to comment
SugarSweetness407 Posted January 17, 2005 Author Share Posted January 17, 2005 Here is the link to the article...it helped me a lot put a lot of things into perspective..and it's absolutly crazy how my ex fit everything...thanks for the responses....hope this helps you...im here if ya need me... link removed Link to comment
TrueHeart Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 And a very interesting article it is... Fits my XBF to the T. Sadly, its the LOVE aspect that blinds us from seeing the REAL them, which are the jerks and the....well... Losers. Regarding your ex, I haven't followed your previous posts, so I'm coming in cold on this one. First impression, he cheated on you-- am I right? It is VERY hard to return to a relationship when its been tainted like that.. I tried myself this summer and it was a bomb waiting to go off. Sounds to me like your instincts are already telling you NOT to talk to him, even by telling him its weird talking to him. 'Losers' get their kicks out of thinking they ALWAYS win no matter what.... Comical isnt it?! What an oxy moron. They convince themselves their the stongest, fastest and best thing in the whole world. Stay away from him, as much as you can. Don't let him return you to that painful state... Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Wow!! That article is unbelievable. Unfortunately, it fits me to a T also. I opened myself up to reading that and evaluated myself and I realize that I am a "Loser". I don't want to be that guy. Does someone have any information that I could use to help me break those unhealthy cycles?? Link to comment
SugarSweetness407 Posted January 17, 2005 Author Share Posted January 17, 2005 Hey Trueheart, Well yeah there was cheating, i found him at the park one day with another girl, but there were also a lot more of other things, he was very abusive emotionally and physically. and he was also very controlling. So even if i wanted to try to work things out with him, there is just so much pain i have, that he still hasn't tried to change. Yeah the "Loser" article helped me a lot, it makes me sick to how blind i was to that for so long. Im still thinking about just sending my ex that article...lol. i don't know if thats a good idea tho. thanks for the replys. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 I would strongly suggest you send it to him. If he is open to improving himself he may want to do something about it. After reading it myself, I have discovered that a lot of what was described in that article was a description of my behaviors with my exes. After reading it and discovering this very disheartening and shameful truth, I want to change so that I don't cause anyone else as much grief as I have already. Is there not any article offering advice for the "loser"? Link to comment
detox5 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 keefy, your next step, go hang out at the personal growth forum ? All the clues are in that loser article, just do the oppposites and make it a way of life maybe. Link to comment
SugarSweetness407 Posted January 17, 2005 Author Share Posted January 17, 2005 I agree with detox, you might just want to look up somethings on helping yourself now. The article was sent to me because they wanted me to see that all those things that my ex was doing to me isn't "normal" and it shouldn't be tolerated. i just got to the point where i said screw it and went along with it. its very weird how people like my ex manipulate their partner into beliving that this is how is should be. however, i was lucky because i wasn't alone, i didn't live with him and i had a family to come to and a friend that still stood by my side to tell me, "wake up that isn't LOVE" love isn't hurtin someone everyday. so while i had my ex trying to warp my mind into believing that i deserved being treated like this, i had a family saying Hello NO ONE DESERVES this! Now i need to change, i have the information "the Loser" article as a stepping stone to raise the bar, and set my standards higher, i know right now i am not in any state to start a new relationship...i am broken, but i am no longer going to play the victim, the victim just crumbles and falls apart, i am going to take this situation and make myself stronger from it. I am really happy that the loser article has helped me realize that my ex was a jerk, and i am also happy that it has helped other people out there, realize that they may do some of those things, God bless all of you, and good luck realizing that you have some of these traits is the first step on changing them. Link to comment
detox5 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 sometimes ppl dont know what there doing, I say send the ex that article, and say that you have changed your views on things, he will respect you (not that this is the case) but i still think you should, you dont owe it to him, but i just think its the right thing to do, even if it helps him out in what ever way, if you could help someone in anyway would you? I think you have the opportunity there to do so, you have nothing to loose its no bigge, if i was in that situation I would do it cause I think it would be good. Link to comment
melrich Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Hi SugarSweetness, DO NOT SEND HIM THE ARTICLE. He will not read it like you have read it. He will not recognise himself and the only message you will be giving him is that there is still hope for him. Good on you for getting this far but I am concerned you are still having intimate discussions with this guy. That only serves to give him hope. Take you frustrations out in this forum...not in discussions with him. Remember, while he is trying to get you back he will be whoever he thinks you want him to be. Link to comment
MissDiddl Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 I read the article and I think I'm a "LOSER" too. I think I'm just as bad as my boyfriend - if not worse. I highlighted all the thinks I'm doing wrong and all the things that he as done wrong and I'm gonna get him to do the same thing tonight. Maybe we can work through it together. But I'm just shocked that I was doing all this and I didn't even know. Link to comment
SugarSweetness407 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Yeah Rich You are probably right, now that i thought about it and that you said he probably won't read it the way that i have read it it wont really help him....When we broke up before i sent him some things on violence and how to control it and whatnot, he said he read it and was going to use some of the things that the articles talked about, but in reality he really didn't...maybe for the week he did but then he went back to being his old depressed mean self. So you are right...thank you for pointing that out to me. We haven't talked only last night when he called me. But like i said before i was very distant, he went on with his feelings and he kept saying that he loved me and i couldn't even say it. and when he asked if i missed him, i told him i didn't...i told him that all the bad times we've been having for so long gave me no reason to miss him. Well other than this, i had a really good night tonight...hanging out with FRIENDS...something i haven't been able to do in so loooong...thanks everyone! Link to comment
melrich Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Good for you. You see, now you have the power. I think your life has just taken a great turn for the better. Link to comment
TrueHeart Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 Well, I'm not so sure sending the article would be wise. Especially if he's emotionally, physically and MENTALLY abusive, he will miscontrue that. You could cause more problems for yourself than you're prepared to handle. He cheated, he's a reckloose, he thinks he's smooth, I'm convinced he's a player. Don't talk to him.. You need to work on those things that make YOU happy; rebuild yourself. He'll only drag you down, even as a friend. My XBF sounds like yours, and I DID attempt a friendship, it only turned out to that I was "suffering" for not being with him... He'd put me down more than ever, expect things of me, and never be even half as decent as he was when we were dating... Its not worth it.. Please believe me. Link to comment
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