Glamourice Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Is this always true when you're in a relationship with someone who disrespects you? I have been told this in the past but sometimes I don't feel that way. Also there are some pretty shady people out there, do they deserve something better too in a partner? I'm sometimes tempted to settle because of bad things I've done in the past. Maybe karma is telling me that this is all I'm going to get. Has anyone else thought this way? Link to comment
HamHam Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Whoooa, easy there partner. We all have things to not be proud of, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness in life. Learn from your mistakes, make the necessary changes, and don't beat yourself up for being human. I'm of the opinion that you deserve what you put into another person and yourself. Deserving better only applies when you do and act better, but that's just my 2 cents. Link to comment
WithLove Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 You only get what you think you deserve. Link to comment
relevart Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 You should never settle. Look at Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley. (I don't know what point that proves. They divorced. And maybe she did settle.) Link to comment
Scoe141 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 do they deserve something better too in a partner? No one deserves anything bad that comes to them. However, if that person continues to play with fire, sooner or later they're going to get burned. Does mean they deserve to feel that pain? No, it was a chance they took and unfortunately lost. I'm sometimes tempted to settle because of bad things I've done in the past. I don't believe in karma. I do however believe in the power to change. If you want to better yourself, there is nothing stopping you. Don't settle. You, like everyone else, deserves to be happy. It's up to you how you go about finding it. Look in yourself today, not what you did yesterday. Link to comment
Clinton Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 No one deserves anything, that's not the way life works. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. All you can do is try your best and hope things work out in the long run. There are no garuntees in life Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 To settle is to fear being alone. Been there and done that, but being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. If someone disrespects you, are you happier being disrespected for companionship? I'm not. There are nights I sit with my dog and question how I came to this point in my life, but even at those times I'm much happier than I was with that empty gut feeling of "why is this happening?" Ever since I came accross that revelation within myself, I realized it was time to start doing things that I want to do, but never did because I didn't want to cause waves with someone else. If you are being disrespected, move on, don't look back, and start a new journey. You do deserve something/someone better, and as long as you carry that unnecessary anchor with you, you'll never find that something better. Link to comment
Glamourice Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 So all of you are pretty much saying we all deserve happiness and respect, and all make mistakes and have deviated in the past. So why end things at all with your current partner if they do provide you with some benefit. They screw up, so do you. They deserve to do whatever makes them happy, even if it causes discomfort to the other partner, as do you. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 So all of you are pretty much saying we all deserve happiness and respect, and all make mistakes and have deviated in the past. So why end things at all with your current partner if they do provide you with some benefit. They screw up, so do you. They deserve to do whatever makes them happy, even if it causes discomfort to the other partner, as do you. I think the problem is that your post is too general and too generalizing. On your specific situation, what choices have you made so that you don't repeat your past mistakes? I don't think people's happiness takes priority over others' discomfort - not when the person who wants to be happy intentionally hurts someone else in the process. Most people would not be happy knowing they intentionally hurt someone else to reach whatever happiness related goal it was. Would you be? Typically people who are happy make others happy in the process. On the other hand sometimes survival requires intentionally hurting someone else - for example, acting in self-defense where you end up hurting the person who was trying to hurt you. You deserve to be with someone where you both treat each other with respect and accept each other's past mistakes and mistakes going forward. If there is not that acceptance for any reason then there is not a basis for a healthy relationship. For example, if your partner cheated on you then you might leave your partner because you know you cannot accept what he chose to do. Or you might decide based on discussions with your partner that the two of you can move past it and towards acceptance. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 No one deserves anything, that's not the way life works. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. All you can do is try your best and hope things work out in the long run. There are no garuntees in life I agree with this. It's not a matter of deserving or not. I don't think it's helpful to look at your own situation in life and judge your worth based on that. So if you find a wonderful partner, would you conclude it is because you have done something to deserve that? Or if you are treated poorly, would you decide that it means you must deserve it because you are a bad person or something? I don't think life works that way either. I think you are confusing several things here that are actually quite separate. What you decide as what you are willing to accept into your life voluntarily is a whole different ball of wax from what your worth as a person is. But of course it can be hard to see it that way if you do not feel like you are worth much bottom line what you truly believe in your bones and heart. What else do you consider when you are deciding whether something or some course of action is a good one for you to take or not? So in general, I don't think it's helpful to use the yardstick of "deserve or not" as far as deciding what is the right thing to do.And I don't think it's helpful to look at other people and decide whether or not to accept certain behaviors or choices or not based on what you think they 'deserve' either. I think it's a lot more complex than that and less about judging someone's inherent worth as a person. You can reject or decide certain things are not good for you or do not fit with your value system or what you believe in in life; and it doesn't mean that it is a judgment of those other people being deserving of less. Link to comment
quirky Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 If you consciously settle then it's silly. How will that make you happy long term. I don't agree with this deserving me me me mentality that seems to govern this narcissistic world. I see it as what you put it, you get out. If you consciously settle you will probably get disatisfaction eventually. If you have messed up and hurt people in the past, apologise and improve the areas that are problematic. Better to do that than 'settle'. If on the other hand you decide to drop on some expectations because they are causing you real grief then settling might not be a bad thing. As long as you are authentic and true to yourself, that's what I consider a priority. You only get what you think you deserve. I agree with that. Link to comment
Glamourice Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok, so then then when people screw you over or hurt you, these people still deserve to be happy too? So there really aren't any long term consequences since we are all human and make mistakes? Link to comment
uniqueme Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 If people hurt you, they will get what they deserve. Don't worry about others and just focus on being the happiest you that you can be Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.