I'm tired of how my mom treats the people I date and I

[Lovelavie]

So in my short life (I'm 21), I've been in 3 serious relationships. I've always enjoyed being in relationships and I guess it's a trait in my personality. The first one I was really young and it wasn't that serious but we stayed together for a little more than a year. A few years later, I began dating a guy who I got along really well but after a year and a half he became really aggressive (he never hit me, but he would call me names and "torture" me mentally) and I broke up with him when his mom told me she was afraid he would hit me someday... I was really sad for a couple of months and the break up really made me grow as a person and made me see what I don't like in someone.

 

After almost a year single I met a guy who I thought had everything in common with me. I was head over heels for him and I did everything I could to please him, but nothing was ever good enough. We never had serious fights like I had had with the previous aggressive BF, but he was extremely selfish and he put himself before anyone else. He ended up breaking my trust and I found out and broke up with him the day he was going to break up with me. Since he was a coward and didn't own to what he did and threw everything I did for him away, I didn't really feel sad about it. I mean, I was sad for 3 days... but nothing compared to how miserable I was after the other BU. My friends were there to cheer me up and good things started happening to me, and I found myself in a much better place and loving myself more than ever.

 

Well, a week after my BU, I hooked up with a guy which I have known for a year... we used to go out together and we were just friends but I always felt REALLY attracted to him and always got happy when I knew he was coming over to hang out with us. We've been together since that day, and he treats me better than anyone has ever treated and BY FAR he's the best thing that's happened to me. There's just something that goes on between us I can't explain... but to resume it, he makes me really happy.

 

Now the problem is, given that I've had 3 BFs which met my whole family, went on trips with us, got to know my parents and for some weird reason they always hoped that it would be the person I would marry and stay with, which didn't work out... which is great, for me! Because I finally got to know someone who I can actually see spending the rest of my days with, but not for my parents and specially my mom. She's a bit antisocial and she doesn't really care about being nice to people. She makes me feel uncomfortable because I can't bring my new BF to meet them and he keeps asking me when he's gonna meet my dad and I'm too embarrassed to tell him that my parents don't want to meet him, not because of him, but because they've lost hope in me and that they think I'm never gonna be with someone. But my ex boyfriends' families all treated me like their own family and I always felt at home and I just wished my parents would do the same to a person I chose to be with me.

 

My mom always talks to me like I'm a hopeless case and she doesn't support me in this new relationship even though she knows I'm happier. Also, she doesn't "understand" how I'm over my ex, yet when I spent months crying over my first ex she would get mad at me and say how childish I was for crying because of a man.... logic?

 

I'm just tired and embarassed, also because I have no one to relate to. Every friend I have, has parents who treat their respective bf and gf like family... and my mom locked herself in her room today because she said she doesn't want to meet anyonoe and she's lost hope in me when I invited my Bf in for the first time in these 3 months we were together and I didn't even know what to say to him....

 

I feel embarassed and unconfortable. Also, on weekends I go over to his house now, I don't stay at home anymore because then I can't be with him. I wonder if anyone can relate to this... I'm a bit lost.

[Lubblobba]

I've had previous relationships where the parents disliked me. To be fair both relationships were bad and my partner influenced his parents' thoughts about me. It's not uncommon for parents to have problems with their children's' partners, rational or not. My mother is similar. She isn't afraid to tell me her thoughts on the males in my life. I have had male friends where she says she really likes them indicating she would like me to be with them, and each of my boyfriends she has disliked, or at first liked then later on disliked. Same goes with my friends, she is very open to telling me her opinion on them, which pretty much only hurt my feelings. My current boyfriend had issues with my parents, my dad has no opinion, but my mum made it clear she didn't like him, simply because I used to go to her when my boyfriend and I argued and I was upset. I talked to her about my problems and it was a terrible decision because it influenced her opinion on him, the way she treated him. Every partner has arguments and she suddenly decided a few arguments was enough for her to not like him. Anyway, overtime she has got over it and realised after 3 years now that I like my boyfriend.

 

I think you need to try and talk to her about it. You also need to accept maybe your mum just won't like your partner or have any interest. It's not the end of the world if your partner and parents don't get on, though I know how horrible it feels when they don't, you parents and your boyfriend are separate relationships.

 

I think it's unfair for her to just refuse to meet him, but like you said she is anti-social, you can't force her to meet or like him. You should tell your boyfriend your situation, if he really cares for you he will hopefully understand that parents are different, people are different and your mum is this person whether you want her to be or not. Like I said, you can try and tell her how you feel and how sad it makes you that she acts this way but it's her choice.

I'm sorry you're going through this, you aren't alone. Remember that you are strong and don't need your parents support if they aren't willing to give it to you. They should because you are their daughter but you can't force them to do anything other than tell them your feelings and thoughts. I know it hurts when your parents aren't supportive, I fully believe that parents should support their kids, but obviously other people don't do or believe this.

Good luck.