roommate trouble. please help!!

[clodhopper]

Hey I'm having a bit of a problem and need some advice PLEASE!!

 

K here's my situation: I live with 2 roommates - one guy, one girl. The girl was my roommate in residence last year, and the guy is older than us but he also lived in our building. Anyway she and I were really close, and then I met him and he met my friends and it became kinda a group with his friends and my friends, it was great. So this year the 3 of us decided to live together.

 

The first few months during the summer she was back home, so it was just him and I. Everything went well, we got along, we were close, it was great. This semester started and she came back to live with us. Things were great. They slowly became closer than they used to be, which was great. I wanted everyone to be really good friends.

 

My problem NOW is that I feel like they sneak around behind my back to hang out without me. I don't even have a problem with them hanging out and me not being included!! It just hurts to have them sneak around. They like to have really long talks about personal stuff cuz they're good friends. They talk all the time and hang out in one of their rooms all the time.

 

My problem with it comes at night. For example, tonight. I was in her room just a while ago talking and she asked what I was up to, then I asked her and she said she had to get up early tomorrow morning so she was heading to bed. So I left her room so she could sleep. I went into my room (which is right next to hers) but I left the door open cuz I wasn't going to bed yet.

 

A couple minutes later, I hear her leave her room, close the door behind her, walk down the hall to our roommate's room, go in and close the door. This has happened several times before. So it's like if I pass her room, the light is off and the door is closed, so it seems as if she's sleeping. This happened last semester and I talked to the guy about it and he said I was right that it was sneaky and not the best thing and he apologized and stuff.

 

But now it's happening all over again, and it's upsetting. Now some of you may be thinking that maybe they're doing more than hanging out lol... but just from knowing these 2 people I doubt it. I mean yeah it could happen, but if I go by his room I hear them deep in conversation, so I'm pretty sure it's just them hanging out and wanting to talk. Which is totally fine with me by the way, I just hate that they have to pretend they're doing something they're not. I KNOW that they are the closer roomies of all of us, and I've told them that... I just don't see why this is necessary.

 

It's also upsetting because I'm supposed to be living with them next year, which I really want to cuz I don't have anyone else to live with right now and they really are my friends. Every other aspect of living with them is awesome, we all hang out, cook together, watch movies, talk, etc. We get along great, I just don't want to get stuck in another year of this pattern repeating itself.

 

Can you guys PLEASE tell me what you think and give me some suggestions, like if I should confront them about it, who I should talk, etc. I'm just a mess and I need your help! Thanks!!!!!

[Blue Skittles]

Hey I also lived in a place with 3 other girls - and they would always do stuff without me -

 

I never confronted them about it cuz they were all closer friends than I was and they still invited me out once in a while and stuff.

 

I think if you confront them - just confront them about how it is sneaky - but emphasize that you are ok with them being close and talking without you - but that they didn't have to lie and sneak around about it - cuz that is just dishonest and rude.

 

Other than that - iw ould suggest you just forget about it and live your life - just find stuff you can do that you like to do that makes you happy - find your own friends and go out with them. If they want to be rude like that then they aren't that great friends to you right? You don't have to live with them next year either - if it bothers you then just find your own place - its kinda nice living by yourself.

 

With my roommates - like I said I never confronted them about it but when I went on with my own life and i was never home half the time - i would walk in and they would be like "oh you are home!" and they would talk to me more and invite me out more. Maybe they missed me lol.

 

good luck.

[abcd1234]

I think its great that two people can be such good friends and have such an intimate friendship but you are right, they do not have to be so sneaky about it.

 

I think that you should definitely speak to them about it (individually would probably be best) and just make it clear that you are happy about them being such close friends and sharing secrets and everything, but that it hurts you when they attempt to hide it all from you.

 

They have to learn that close friendships are things that shouldn't be hidden away, they should be encouraged and celebrated!

[clodhopper]

I know! I want them to be friends and we all know they are the closer ones out of all of us, so I don't see why they have to hide it!

 

It's just sometimes a little hurtful when they're sneaky, cuz I feel really out of it and like I can't go talk to them... they're just really weird like that.

 

This happened last term and I confronted the guy about it, and we worked it out and things were fine for a while. Now it's happening all over again and I'm just not sure what to do. I'm really scared about this year repeating itself and me being unhappy again next year living with them.

 

I agree totally with what you said -- friendships shouldn't be hidden, they should be celebrated! That's what I don't get...

[abcd1234]

They sound like good-hearted people so im sure that if you talk to them about it then they will be fully understanding - a little reminder is probably all they need.

 

You shouldnt have to worry about this year repeating itself, try to look forward to next year and be positive about it. If you are positive that everything will work out fine then it will!

[clodhopper]

Yeah I guess my thing is that I'm dealing with some other crap right now, so I'm just afraid of being this unhappy again and being trapped here for another year....