oitnb Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 A few months ago I basically told my boyfriend how I'm pretty sure I'm bicurious or something along those lines. He was fine with it and was supportive. The topic just came up organically and I told him. A few weeks ago he said something about a threesome, and I basically said "haha yeah no way maybe if we're together for 50 years and need to spice it up but until then no!" Again, all light hearted talking. But tonight we got on the subject of sex, talking about how we felt about certain things, and he asked "just out of curiosity why do you feel the way you do about a threesome?" I got kind of upset and said, I would probably try one if I was single, but I don't think it should ever happen in a relationship. It causes to many issues and worries from both partners - "does she like women more than men" "is she prettier than me" and also the classic threesome tragedy of the guy leaving his s/o for the other girl, or cheating afterwards. He noticed my reaction and said it's ok, ok, I was just asking. I got kinda heated lol. But I've been up all night thinking about this now. I'm kind of worried maybe he's getting bored? We try a lot of out there stuff sexually and tbh we have "kinky" sex more often then vanilla and I'm worried if I've created some sort of monster (lol) who is just going to want to keep upping the ante.... I know these thoughts are probably irrational but I have an issue with fixating on something when it worries me.. we haven't had to many issues and I'm 100% certain he's not gonna cheat or anything, just worried as to why he'd ask about it again after I said no? Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 First off i love that you can talk openly about sex and what you like without judgement or fear that's how you get the best sex! I fully understand your concerns about threesomes and the issues they cause. Some fantasies are meant to stay in our heads. I wouldn't worry about it. Men can get carried away when they get an idea in their head and testosterone is involved. It will pass and he's having sex with you right? So he must like what he sees and enjoys what you do right? I'd stop worrying about it. It's been discussed and you've found out its nothing something you want to explore and that's fine. Go and get your kink on, I'm not jealous at all by the way. Haha i need to stay single for a while before getting any sort of kink on. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 He probably wants one, but unless he starts bringing it up all the time, I wouldn't worry. I don't think it's that he's bored with you, he's just into the idea of there being three, so I don't think he'd go out and find another girl to cheat with alone. Btw, I totally agree with your reasons for not doing it. Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Look most men these days were raised on porn, so they love the idea of watching two women and would LOVE to talk their GF/wife into doing it if they can get away with it. But you suggest two men and you, and they will balk and run screaming away from it most of the time because they like their own little two girls fantasy but don't want to actually share you with anyone else. It is about their fantasies and wanting to be a porn king having 2 women perform for them and not about any deficiencies in you. but i agree 100% that it is a Pandora's box and can ruin your relationship because relationships are about emotions and not just body parts bashing together. most people want a monogamous relationship and strive for it because emotions and situations get far more complicated and less secure when you triangulate more people into the relationship. I think it is very wise to say no if you want to preserve monogamy in your relationship and not open the door to lots of other complexities that put it at risk. But i wouldn't take it as any big sign he's discontented with you. These kinds of requests are the same as those along the lines of 'honey, how about rather than buying a house we buy me a new motorcycle.' He just sees it as something that is all about fun fun fun for him and his own private show. He's not thinking about the practicalities or even of the idea that he would need to reciprocate and do two men and one woman to please you. That most likely would horrify him. Everyone I know usually has the man propose something like this at some point to gratify some fantasy, and most just laugh and turn him down rather than taking it personally. And if the woman says, 'ok, i'll think about it, but let's do two men and me first', 90% of the guys instantly say, 'oh no no no no, changed my mind, let's not do it.' Link to comment
Telly986 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it.Allot of men fantasize about 3someone. My then boyfriend asked me if I would be willing to do a 3some with another girl and I said NO .I told him that I am not comfortable with it.He understood and never brought it up again Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 I would put this one back in the box and stop worrying about it. You bought it up first in a manner, he thought it over and thought, "Well, maybe it's what she wants and I'll see if it's something I should do with her." And then you told him how you feel about a threesome and now he knows and you do too. Case closed unless he brings it up again. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Many relationships have shared this conversation. Its a way to understand one another. I have been in situations where my partner says No, no way, and yet in the heat of the moment, group and same sex fantasies come tumbling out. This happens to many of us, with respect to ourselves and our partners. Trust in what you have and be grateful you can tell each other personal thoughts. You are more than sex to him, right? Everything else is good? Well, okay then. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 So wait a minute. You told him you are bi-curious. What does that mean? Are you seeking permission from him to shag a woman? If so, maybe his price is a threesome? Otherwise, he may not be liking the idea. Link to comment
oitnb Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 So wait a minute. You told him you are bi-curious. What does that mean? Are you seeking permission from him to shag a woman? If so, maybe his price is a threesome? Otherwise, he may not be liking the idea. No. I'm more than happy in my current relationship. We got on the subject of porn and I told him that I sometimes enjoy lesbian porn and so I think that means I might have some sort of attraction to women as well as men. That doesn't mean I want to run off and find a woman to have sex with, lol. Link to comment
oitnb Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I would put this one back in the box and stop worrying about it. You bought it up first in a manner, he thought it over and thought, "Well, maybe it's what she wants and I'll see if it's something I should do with her." And then you told him how you feel about a threesome and now he knows and you do too. Case closed unless he brings it up again. Now that I've calmed down a bit this is how I feel as well. Thanks all! Link to comment
Mfic99 Posted January 19, 2015 Share Posted January 19, 2015 No. I'm more than happy in my current relationship. We got on the subject of porn and I told him that I sometimes enjoy lesbian porn and so I think that means I might have some sort of attraction to women as well as men. That doesn't mean I want to run off and find a woman to have sex with, lol. As your relationship grows you will wonder what it is like to have an experience with a woman. Because of your values you won't throw your relationship away, today, but if your relationship changes you most certainly will. Link to comment
.thumb.jpeg.44db4c04df92b9d233296a0149430b4d.jpeg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.