wondering731 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 I've been getting some pretty bad responses from a co-worker/superior who used to be a close friend and then shut me out as a friend. Recently I offered to do her friend a favor and she gave a disgusted look and said no for her friend. Then today I was talking to a co-worker and just joking around. She looked my way with a similar disgusted look and told me to shut up. How would you guys respond to this? Link to comment
junebug123 Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 You dont. Don't put up with people who treat you like that. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 That's some pretty disgusting treatment. I don't think you should go running to HR. I'm of the mindset that you only go to HR if you have to (ie harassment) I have no idea what prompted her treatment. Seeing as you're male, perhaps she had feelings for you and then she did a 180 and is now treating you badly for whatever reason. I don't know, people are strange. She sounds like a witch. I would not engage her at all. No offering her to do favors, or her friends. No talking to her. If she asks you to do something for her, you decline. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Work at work. Stop making it a social club. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Work at work. Stop making it a social club. I guess I could stop offering favors, but we're in the same stressful work environment for 70+ hrs a week now. I feel like "after hours" (i.e. 9 pm) it's somewhat more acceptable to crack a few jokes. Does that make a difference? Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 You could just talk to her. Ask her if you did something to offend her. At the very least, you could possibly get some information or even smooth things over. I think that her telling you to shut up is pretty hostile and you probably want to nip it in the bud before it escalates. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 You could just talk to her. Ask her if you did something to offend her. At the very least, you could possibly get some information or even smooth things over. I think that her telling you to shut up is pretty hostile and you probably want to nip it in the bud before it escalates. Can it possibly make things worse? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Can it possibly make things worse? If she's crazy (and I have no idea if she is, no clue) but if you pulled her aside to talk to her and smooth things out, maybe, just maybe if she's truly nuts, she may call it sexual harassment or some crap and get you in big trouble. I think men need to tread carefully in the workplace with crazy, nasty women because it's very, very easy to get into hot water with these people. All it takes is one ounce of crazy, one thing to set them off, and they can file a fake case against you and get you fired. I really would just lay low. No jokes, no talking to her, just do your work. Don't do favours for her AT ALL but do not give her a reason to report you. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 If she's crazy (and I have no idea if she is, no clue) but if you pulled her aside to talk to her and smooth things out, maybe, just maybe if she's truly nuts, she may call it sexual harassment or some crap and get you in big trouble. I think men need to tread carefully in the workplace with crazy, nasty women because it's very, very easy to get into hot water with these people. All it takes is one ounce of crazy, one thing to set them off, and they can file a fake case against you and get you fired. I really would just lay low. No jokes, no talking to her, just do your work. Don't do favours for her AT ALL but do not give her a reason to report you. Thanks... I don't think she's nuts. I hurt her to the point where she had to stonewall me (emotionally... details in prior posts) . I believe you're right though. I have to do what she asks for work related though. One day she is friendly when I come work on something for her and the next day not. Can't take any chances. Head is down for now. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks... I don't think she's nuts. I hurt her to the point where she had to stonewall me (emotionally... details in prior posts) . I believe you're right though. I have to do what she asks for work related though. One day she is friendly when I come work on something for her and the next day not. Can't take any chances. Head is down for now. Well, if you already know that you've hurt her, then you already know what the problem is, and that would have been a useful piece of information to put in your initial post. Forget talking about it right now, which can escalate things. I'd just be competent and professional around her and allow time and distance to work it's healing magic. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 Well, if you already know that you've hurt her, then you already know what the problem is, and that would have been a useful piece of information to put in your initial post. Forget talking about it right now, which can escalate things. I'd just be competent and professional around her and allow time and distance to work it's healing magic. Thanks catfeeder. I took your advice awhile back and offered an apology without justification. She said she only moves forward so I felt everything was OK work-wise. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 You could just talk to her. Ask her if you did something to offend her. At the very least, you could possibly get some information or even smooth things over. I think that her telling you to shut up is pretty hostile and you probably want to nip it in the bud before it escalates. It doesn't matter anymore. She was let go. It was really painful to hear that. I reached out and she is letting me talk to her and trying to help her get through this, but it really sucks that the cause was her being let go. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 She was let go? Well that's good. Now you don't have to deal with her hostility anymore. Hopefully she won't be such a b***h at her next job. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 It doesn't matter anymore. She was let go. It was really painful to hear that. I reached out and she is letting me talk to her and trying to help her get through this, but it really sucks that the cause was her being let go. It's possible that her hostility offended more people than you were aware of. You noticed when it was directed at you, but you don't know how she may have impacted others around her. This is one reason why it's better to allow people with problems to marinate on their own for a time rather than attempt to pick apart their reactions while they're still hot--it's not always just about you. Putting yourself front and center on a disturbed person's radar is not necessary. Time heals. Other issues replace old ones--especially with people who are upset easily. I'd use this as a lesson in how to mellow a bit on the job when it comes to keeping others happy. It's not your job. While it's good to be careful not to offend in the first place, you're only responsible for what you put out--not how it's received. Head high. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 It's possible that her hostility offended more people than you were aware of. You noticed when it was directed at you, but you don't know how she may have impacted others around her. This is one reason why it's better to allow people with problems to marinate on their own for a time rather than attempt to pick apart their reactions while they're still hot--it's not always just about you. Putting yourself front and center on a disturbed person's radar is not necessary. Time heals. Other issues replace old ones--especially with people who are upset easily. I'd use this as a lesson in how to mellow a bit on the job when it comes to keeping others happy. It's not your job. While it's good to be careful not to offend in the first place, you're only responsible for what you put out--not how it's received. Head high. Is it bad to offer a hand now? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Is it bad to offer a hand now? No, but a hand in what? Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 No, but a hand in what? She's letting me talk and joke with her and letting me listen to her grievances... She has repeatedly said that she hopes I know that she only moves forward and I could see her cutting me out of her life again after she's better. I want to be there for her now. I'm not sure the damage though if she cuts me out again Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 She's letting me talk and joke with her and letting me listen to her grievances... She has repeatedly said that she hopes I know that she only moves forward and I could see her cutting me out of her life again after she's better. I want to be there for her now. I'm not sure the damage though if she cuts me out again If you don't trust her, then stop dealing with her. Either someone likes you for who you are, or they don't. If not, then that does not speak of any deficiency in you--it's simply someone who doesn't own the lens to see and appreciate your unique value--which makes them a poor match for you. If you can identify a user, then you own the knowledge to protect yourself by staying away from users. Advice from grandma: The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you're bored or lonely enough to pick up the snake to play with it. Link to comment
wondering731 Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 If you don't trust her, then stop dealing with her. Either someone likes you for who you are, or they don't. If not, then that does not speak of any deficiency in you--it's simply someone who doesn't own the lens to see and appreciate your unique value--which makes them a poor match for you. If you can identify a user, then you own the knowledge to protect yourself by staying away from users. Advice from grandma: The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you're bored or lonely enough to pick up the snake to play with it. She was clear ... Its not about trust... She told me 4x already she hopes i know she only looks forward. On top of that she texted me that a guy asked her out bc she wasnt working now. I can't even explain it though. I have feelings for her that I've never had with anyone in my life... The feelings I've had through 3 longterm relationships don't add up together to how I feel. Link to comment
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