opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 My ex boyfriend and I were together for nearly 3 years, we've had a lot of ups and downs, but we've always managed to get past them. However about 2 months ago we went to a gig together and he was just being very nasty to me for no reason, he ruined the gig for me and because it was my favourite band and I'd paid for the tickets I was very upset. On our way home we had an hour long wait for the next train, bearing in mind it was midnight, he stormed off in a mood blaming me for us missing the train before it. I was alone on the platform in the freezing cold in a place I'd never been before with no money. I didn't have any phone battery and I didn't know if or when he was going to come back. I was crying having a panic attack when he came back half an hour later acting as though nothing had happened. When he saw that I was upset he got annoyed and ignored me the entire 2 hours journey home. I didn't speak to him for a week because I was extremely hurt by how he'd treated me. He eventually texted me apologising which I ignored because I was just too upset to respond. He then called a few days later saying 'I guess we're over now?' and I said yes. And that was it. I used to work with his Dad which meant I bumped into my ex a few times every week. He tried to be nice and friendly towards me but I just acted civil as that small amount of contact tugged at my heart. I just wanted him back. He finally came over to my house after work one night to collect some of his things, he grabbed me into a hug and as I tried to push away our faces became close together and we almost kissed, but I pulled away. He was trying to be a little lighthearted about it so that I wouldn't end up crying but I ended up getting angry and throwing him out of my house because I couldn't understand how he was dealing with this so well when it's tearing me apart inside. I didn't speak to him for another 2 weeks after that, he messaged me on boxing day to wish me and my family a merry christmas and a happy new year, and got upset when I didn't respond. But it was because as soon as that message came up I cried, and I thought I'd made progress during the 2 week NC. It just brought all my feelings back. So recently I've been messaging him and asking him how he feels. Asking if he no longer cares or loves me seen as we didn't have a proper break up, and he gets angry when I say it saying i'm putting words into his mouth and just refusing to admit that he doesn't love me. So does that mean he still has feelings for me? I don't know. He said he just wants me to leave him alone for now. But I'm crying 24/7 losing the will to live because I don't have anyone else. He was my best friend too, we even lived together for a month while I worked with his Dad full time and we didn't argue once. He just seems to be more pissed off than upset about the situation, he gets annoyed every time I bring things up from the past, and says he doesn't want anything to do with me and that we should both just move on because it's obviously not working. I just don't know what to do? I feel like he doesn't care anymore. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Just checked and he's blocked me on everything, even some stupid gaming site that I never go on. It's like he hates me and I don't know what I've done. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 ...says he doesn't want anything to do with me and that we should both just move on because it's obviously not working. I think you need to listen to him. You say he was nasty to you. So why do you want him back so badly? Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Because he was my best friend as well. And now that he's gone I don't have anyone to talk to. I've been suicidal for months and it's becoming harder every day not to do it. And him saying that he doesn't want anything to do with me is nearly sending me over the edge. We spent a lot of time together, he was trying to reach out to me not long ago and now he's completely blocked me out. I just don't understand. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Sounds like he is treating you horribly. He said leave him alone, I think you should. You would be better off blocking HIM. Go No Contact and get over him, yeah it's gonna hurt but you deserve a lot better. Don't settle for this behavior...let him miss YOU. Cut him off. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I left him alone straight after the break up, but he messaged me and I worked with his Dad, it's just the sudden coldness towards me now that I don't get. I've deleted all of my social media, so I can't easily contact him. I think it's just my current state of mind that isn't helping so is making me reach out to him. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 What ur feeling is totally normal. You're breaking a habit. It's totally like withdrawal. Have you read this website link removed It really helped me in the early goings. You'll be fine just have to hang in there. I recommend staying off the booze and try and do something physically active. Liquor will make u feel way worse, it's a temporary fix. Not sure if you drink but if u do I would stop. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 And block him. Any contact is holding you back. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 Yeah I've been drinking about 10 bottles of wine a week. Not good I know, I don't want to go down that road because I know it'll only make me feel worse so I've put myself on a drinking ban. I couldn't contact him even if I wanted to, because he's blocked me and I've tried to get over him so many times before, it never seems to go away. It's incredibly disheartening. Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 have you spoken to anyone close to you about how you are feeling? if not, please do. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I don't have many friends due to feeling like a bother to people. I have 2 female friends that I can talk to, but one keeps moaning to me about a guy she's known for a month and expects me to help her when I'm going through this and the other is in a relationship but she helps me as much as she can. I'm not close with my family so I can't talk to them about it and they think my ex is great. -.- Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 sometimes when people get into bf/gf relationships they neglect all other relationships and/or don't bother to form new friendships or establish any hobbies. maybe it's time you did that. so friend number one is moaning about her guy? let her. sometimes when we take the focus off of ourselves and attempt to help or console others it can be rewarding. rather than think about your problems all the time maybe you can step out and volunteer somewhere? you have to do something to pull yourself up out of this dark hole you're in. because really, no one can do anything about the relationship at this point. things were not working for you two, it sounds like communication was an issue too. take this time to work on those anxiety issues and learn to manage them better, and do some other things to enhance your life. it will help you get over him and will also help you in the future. what are some things you know you need to work on? now is the time to start. put down the wine and get out of the house and start spending time with other people. why do you feel like a bother? it sounds like there may be some self esteem issues here? maybe that is something you work on during this time. the pain is still fresh and after three years it's going to hurt for a bit but there are things you can do to aid your healing. downing 10 bottles of wine each week is not one of them. join a gym, volunteer, find some new interests. do something healthy and productive. get active, don't wallow. that is the worst thing you can do. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 I do have a large group of friends, I wouldn't say I've neglected them, but I've always had trust issues, especially since my ex left so I don't talk to many of my friends about it because no one really wants to listen. And the friend that's moaning, she was never in a relationship with him, and I've been holding her hair back for her while she's sick and crying about how much she loves this guy for a month now, I've tried to help her all I can but when it comes to me being upset about my ex she just tells me to stop thinking about boys, it's incredibly frustrating. I feel like all I do is help other people but I don't get the same back. I'm always there for people whenever they need me. I agree he wouldn't communicate with me about problems at all. And I've been thinking and I'm starting to see that this is for the best even though it's incredibly painful. Thanks for your advice. I'm going to start sorting my life out, it's about time I did. Link to comment
shessofly Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 i'm glad you feel that was helpful. to be fair, you gave him the silent treatment for a good week after that argument, so the communication problem seems two sided and maybe learning to express yourself in a healthy way is something else you can think about so you don't carry it into the next relationship. kill yourself over one guy? no way! there are 7 billion other people on the planet. i'm sure you will find another love work on putting yourself in a position to attract someone who is emotionally healthy. pain can be a great catalyst for positive changes in your life if you let it. i had a breakup of a relationship of 3+ years last summer. it really lit a fire underneath me to make some changes in my life. now that the fog has cleared i know it was for the best. hopefully you will see that someday too. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 3, 2015 Author Share Posted January 3, 2015 He didn't speak to me after the argument either, I was hurting from what he did to me and thought that he should have apologised. But yeah I definitely do need to work on myself too, I'm not saying I did nothing wrong at all in the relationship. And I'm depressed too, I think that's why I felt like suicide was the only option. I know I'll find someone else, I've had a few guys try talking to me already but obviously I'm not going to get into anything serious with a guy yet. Link to comment
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