so very messed up

[ftkdancer]

I am 50, he is 48, we have been together, for a year, living together, with his 16 year old daughter, for 3 months. First, that was a dumb choice, on my part, to have him move in with me, ( i own my house). He has a drinking problem. He is what they call a high functioning alcoholic. There were so many things that happened, even in the first month we were together. He drank so much, i got called very hurtful names, and got locked out of his house, if i was 1 minute late. Got blamed for meeting other guys etc. I should also tell you, that when he mentions something that he feels i have done, against him, i get defensive, and feel very hurt, that he would think those horrible thoughts about me, and then we fight for days. I do bring up things that honestly dont need to be brought up, however, i am so angry and hurt, i want him to hurt too. And mostly, he drinks for days on end. I should have seen the red flags, right at the beginning, and run the other way, but i didnt. He got a dui in april, lost his license, and truck, now he drives my car, so he can work, ( he is a contractor, that fixes houses, and needs a vehicle). Yes, i know, he shouldnt be driving, but we need the money ( catch 22?). So, today, being Christmas( i have family, kids parents, siblings, he doesnt). We are fighting, again. Have been for 2 days. He chose to not enjoy today, with an actual family, and sat in the basement, and drank. While his daughter sat in her room. All because i feel my dog, who is large, should be a part of our day. And he refused to get in the car, if the dog was there. ( Just a note...he hasnt drank for a few weeks, because i called the cops, after an abusive night, and he was charged, but has started, again, last night)

Sorry for the long- winded story. It is just a tiny bit of whats been going on.

My question is, how do i remove him from my life, when he has no money, and will takehis next paycheck, that is needed for his half of the bills, to pay for rent, and his daughter, will suffer immensely? If you need any more information, please, ask.

Thx in advance

[Xylitol]

I am 50, he is 48, we have been together, for a year, living together, with his 16 year old daughter, for 3 months. First, that was a dumb choice, on my part, to have him move in with me, ( i own my house).

 

He has a drinking problem. He is what they call a high functioning alcoholic. There were so many things that happened, even in the first month we were together. He drank so much, i got called very hurtful names, and got locked out of his house, if i was 1 minute late. Got blamed for meeting other guys etc. I should also tell you, that when he mentions something that he feels i have done, against him, i get defensive, and feel very hurt, that he would think those horrible thoughts about me,

 

and then we fight for days. I do bring up things that honestly dont need to be brought up, however, i am so angry and hurt, i want him to hurt too. And mostly, he drinks for days on end. I should have seen the red flags, right at the beginning, and run the other way, but i didnt. He got a dui in april, lost his license, and truck, now he drives my car, so he can work, ( he is a contractor, that fixes houses, and needs a vehicle). Yes, i know, he shouldnt be driving, but we need the money ( catch 22?).

 

So, today, being Christmas( i have family, kids parents, siblings, he doesnt). We are fighting, again. Have been for 2 days. He chose to not enjoy today, with an actual family, and sat in the basement, and drank. While his daughter sat in her room. All because i feel my dog, who is large, should be a part of our day. And he refused to get in the car, if the dog was there. ( Just a note...he hasnt drank for a few weeks, because i called the cops, after an abusive night, and he was charged, but has started, again, last night)

 

 

Sorry for the long- winded story. It is just a tiny bit of whats been going on.

My question is, how do i remove him from my life, when he has no money, and will takehis next paycheck, that is needed for his half of the bills, to pay for rent, and his daughter, will suffer immensely? If you need any more information, please, ask.

Thx in advance

 

(sorry i just put some spaces in your story to make it easier to read.)

[Xylitol]

First of all, inform yourself.

 

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The alcohol has to go, addicts relapse tons of times, and you always have to be on your high heels to make sure this pure evil called alcohol does not enter your life. People grab booze to forget about their problems, or use it if they cannot deal with reality. Alcohol however is only a symptom supressor and not a problem solver.

 

He needs to make a 180 turn in his life to go up again and stay there. Its not easy since alcohol is so easily available.

 

I personally don't know if you are willing to put up with him to get him through and get rid of his alcohol addiction. Its a very hard fight.

 

Or you put an ultimatum on him, saying , one more time using alcohol and you need to leave my house. Because sometimes when you make a bad choice in life, choosing the wrong guy, or anything you need to take a step back from where things went wrong, and then indefinitely still go into the right direction that you should have gone in the first place.

[ftkdancer]

Thx Xylitol, for the information. I have read it, and can identify with a lot of it.

 

I do understand that he has to do a 180, and have told him, no more alcohol in the house, or get out. He has complied to that for 4 weeks.

Yesterday, he brought. a 40 home, and hid his drinking. ( he spends all his time in the basement). I could tell right aa

[ftkdancer]

Oops i hit the wrong button. I could tell right away, he had been drinking, and things were going to get ugly.

I dont want him here any more, and his daughter doesnt want to go with him.

 

But she feels obligated, as she has been living like this all her life. ( that is a totally whole different story). I feel that her life would be so much better without him, as would mine. I have attended a few al-anon meetings, which have helped, but the daughter wont go.

How do i do this without his financial support?

[1a1a]

How did you earn an income before he moved in?

[ftkdancer]

I got along, quite well. Since him and his daughter have moved in, the bills have tripled, ( she does laundry, every day, and showers sometimes twice a day). And there are cell phones, in my name that they use. He will not commit to signing anything, that states he will pay for him and his daughters portion of the bills. There is so much more to this story. But the bottom line is, i dont want to do this any more. I understand that some of it is my fault, would like to change, and have tried to discuss this with him. However, he always seems to bounce things back at me, without trying to recognize my thoughts.