he wants me back, but i'm angry

[BoredUp]

I'm still so angry at him and hurt, that I can't even express it. I told him I needed time.

 

He basically made me feel like I was just a sex object and broke up with me after I told him I wanted a break from sex. Then during Hanukkah, he wouldn't even respect me enough to wish me a happy hanukkah, he just kind of ignored it, never gave me a present or anything either. I made a HUGE deal about it, was super rude and we had a major blowout/breakup. I apologized, he apologized, but he wants me back. I'm still annoyed about the sex thing and really don't ever want to have sex with him again or put myself in a position to be his sex object again.

 

I just want to be friends. But I'm also a people pleaser and would love to make it work for him, if I could. He wants it to work really really bad, said all the right things to me, says he loves me, I know he does, but I just can't get over these 2 major issues. I can't even talk to him about it, because anything I say to him, deeply hurts him.

He kinda seems like one of those people that get pissed off at you for reacting to something annoying they did in the first place. And I don't know how not to react to stuff that pisses me off. I'm a pretty blunt, honest, open girl that bites your head off when I'm annoyed in general. I've been trying to work at this and tone it down, but anyway.

 

How do you think I should handle this situation? I want to resolve this as peacefully as possible, still remain friends and maybe... MAYBE figure out a way to make it work, if possible.

[1a1a]

Sex became a weird and contentious issue between my ex and I so I know how you feel. I think if this relationship has any chance of surviving, you're going to need professional help to heal the damage done.

 

I'm still annoyed about the sex thing and really don't ever want to have sex with him again or put myself in a position to be his sex object again.

 

This is going to be a REALLY hard place to come back from. An additional thought, if he really loves you he should respect your choice to end the relationship that isn't working for you.

 

Maybe other posters will have some good advice.

[Doofus]

What?!? You decided not to have sex with him anymore, you two broke up because of it, you still don't want to have sex with him, but, you think you can make it work?! Do I have that right??

 

Romantic relationships are, almost by definition, sexual. If you don't want to have sex with him, then you don't want to be with him. And, while sometimes, men and women can be friends without sex being an issue, it's usually because at least one of them is gay or 40 years older than the other. Let this go. Let him find someone who wants to have sex with him. You'll both be happier.

[Syntaxero]

He basically made me feel like I was just a sex object and broke up with me after I told him I wanted a break from sex.

 

No, because after reading this:

 

Then during Hanukkah, he wouldn't even respect me enough to wish me a happy hanukkah, he just kind of ignored it, never gave me a present or anything either. I made a HUGE deal about it, was super rude and we had a major blowout/breakup.

 

It seems to me that you (plural) broke up because of his lack of appropriate attentiveness during Hanukkah. I realize you FEEL that he broke up with you because of a lack of sex though; afterall, why would he not give you a gift unless he was sore that you were not providing sex?

 

It does make sense, how you feel about this; however, what has happened here is a type of "domino effect". The main issue is the sex.

 

WHY did you want a break from sex? Were you testing him? Are you having medical issues? This is what needs to be addressed before anything else can.

[catfeeder]

WHY did you want a break from sex? Were you testing him? Are you having medical issues? This is what needs to be addressed before anything else can.

 

Yep, these are my questions, too. Nothing in your post reveals what started the problem. What happened, exactly, to make you shut him down on sex?