will I ever meet another girl? insecurities getting the best of me..

[ohheyyy89]

It's been almost 7 months now since my break up with my girlfriend of 2 years. It's been tough, really tough. I was deeply in love with her but there was so much damage done to each other, I just knew it would end sooner or later. We have done NC since June. Changed my phone number and that was that. Not a day goes by where I don't think about her.. and I hate it. I've been on dates but I feel nothing and I seem to get more insecure and scared it will always be like this. All I seem to think about is her beauty and who she might be with now. It's killing me as time goes on knowing each and every day our relationship just becomes a memory.. I would not get back with her but I am still so heartbroken. This was also my decision. . I don't want to come off as desperate but I feel that way at times. Is anyone else going through this situation? Recovered from it?

My situation is a little bit different. I'm in the military in the middle of nowhere in the desert, far away from civilization. I thankfully got stationed a few hours away from home (LA area).. I feel like no girl would want to go through the trouble of getting close to me because I am far. I just need some help, advice, anything. . Just some answers that will lead me to believe there is hope for me.

[happyfrank]

A girl would love to be with you. You just need your liveliness back and enjoy dating again. You will be ok.

 

Cheer up!

[Xylitol]

I can only look at this rationally. If you think about the word position. The main question would be, how to improve your position. I mean how many girls are you able to meet somewhere in the middle of the desert? Low chance right? And you don't seem to be too happy in the position that you are in. A military career needs to be not chosen out of desperation, but out of a willingness to defend the country. Now i don't doubt about your willingness, but i also don't doubt your desperation, and if you look into your heart you sound very desperate.

 

The seperation also sounds too much. . . immature, i mean for gods sake you can't shut out the world by changing your phone number right? I have the idea that you have been running away from your problems rather then confronting them. You know when i have a fight, we try to talk our way through it, to try to find a solution. You should ask yourself, what can i do, to re-establish the balance in the relationship, because you left her with a unsatisfied feeling. Like you didn't do everything in your power to make things work out again. Because if things really really didn't work out, then you would have said to yourself. Ok , i love her forever, but i've tried everything in my power and it didn't work out, so i am moving on, i am over her and i am going to allow myself to move in a new direction because i know that with her, even though i love her it wouldn't work out. Too sad, but helas, i am going to go for a new future and when i am ready for it emotionally maybe i will go for a new person.

 

But for you, you are still obsessing over her, and you are hopelessly desperate. Are you really sure this is what you want in your life? I know for sure you are not, so you better do everything in your power to improve your position and confront and don't give up while dealing with problems. It's ok to ask for help, but in the end winning the war is up to you.

[ohheyyy89]

Happyfrank,

Thanks for your words of optimism. I truly appreciate it. : ) some days are harder then others but I'm trying to get through this.

[ohheyyy89]

Xylitol,

I appreciate your honesty. My career was not chosen out of desperation. I truly enjoy defending our country. This person I was with blamed my career choice for our breakup. It was one of the most hurtful things she said to me because for once I am proud of what I'm doing. Not the best place to live but I'm thankful.

As for changing my number. . I had to do it. I needed too. We break up, then make up and it was very stressful. I told her I was going to do it so it wasn't like it was a huge surprise. It was kind of mutual. We've tried working through our fights but I just couldn't bring myself to trust this individual again. We both tried everything we could, even counseling. It was just too damaged.

You're right, the war is up to me. I guess you can say I've never been this damaged by someone before and I'm having trouble figuring out a way to fix myself. Thank you for your honesty.