Did I do the right thing or was I not considerate?

[JackJackxD]

Me and My Ex broke up 3 months ago, and we had a 2.5 years relationship. Over a week ago I asked her for a second chance, but she rejected me completely and told me she moved on. She also said that "I think it’s time we both took a break. We shouldn’t be around each other or talk to each other for a few months and let things calm down first. Because this isn’t going anywhere.." After the conversation I've decided to go no contact and not talk to her even if I see her around.

 

However, we shared a group of mutual friends back in college, and a group event was planned. The event was to grab some food and go to watch the Hobbits (great film btw). I was invited to the group event on Facebook a few days later than my Ex. I saw that she has already put herself down as going, so I put myself down as Maybe. On one hand I really wanted to catch up with my friends as I haven't seen them for almost a year, however I thought it would be awkward if the both of us went. So I wasn't sure whether I wanted to go or not.

 

Later, one of our mutual friends told me that my Ex is not going anymore as I might be there. I also found out that she was angry at the fact that I put myself down as "Maybe" even though she put herself down as "Going" a few days before me. Seeing that she is not going anymore, I decided to attend the event. When I got home, I found that she has unfriended me on Facebook and also left all group conversations, so I thinks she is pretty mad at me for attending the event.

 

Did I do the right thing by choosing to go? Or was I not considerate/was a bit selfish?

[mhowe]

If you agreed with her to take a break and not see each other...then you clearly placed seeing.people you hadn't seen in a year and your own desires above.your agreement with her.

 

That being said...she is an ex and your knowledge of her future activities should be severely limited now.

[BrokenGator]

Who broke up with who? She is being completely selfish if she broke up with and then wants you to not socialize with your mutual friends. She can choose for herself if she still wants to go or not if you were considering going. However, she was trying to punish you for thinking about going after she said she was. Ignore her actions and act like nothing happened. Don't ask her why she unfriended you.

[JackJackxD]

If you agreed with her to take a break and not see each other...then you clearly placed seeing.people you hadn't seen in a year and your own desires above.your agreement with her. That being said...she is an ex and your knowledge of her future activities should be severely limited now.

 

Well at first I wasn't sure whether I am attending, when I put down Maybe I was still considering and at the same time thinking of possible excuses for not attending. I only decided 100% on going when I heard from our mutual friend that my Ex isn't coming because I might be there.

 

Who broke up with who? She is being completely selfish if she broke up with and then wants you to not socialize with your mutual friends. She can choose for herself if she still wants to go or not if you were considering going. However, she was trying to punish you for thinking about going after she said she was. Ignore her actions and act like nothing happened. Don't ask her why she unfriended you.

 

She broke up with me. I just find it a bit over the tops when she unfriended me/left all group chats because of the fact that I went to an event that we were both invited to. It is going to be even more awkward seeing her around after the Christmas holidays.

[Scoe141]

Right or wrong, it's not relevant at this point. You have you ask yourself, "why does this matter to me right now?" and "how will this help me move forward?" Personally I wouldn't have gone. And you two shouldn't have been friends on FB, starting 3 months ago. You need to erase her from you life if you want to heal. Box everything up that you have of her and store it somewhere you won't look. Healing and being considerate of others feelings is far more important than those nasty hobbitses. (I love LOTR, btw.)

 

Also, there's a good chance that she unfriended you because she has to go NC and it wasn't happening by seeing you popping up all over FB. Don't think about it too much. It's water under the bridge at this point. Continue to do you. Be very selfish and think about yourself. It's OK, because you need to heal. Right now it's not about anyone else other than you.

 

Good luck,

 

PS.

 

In the future, find out via mutual friends if she's attending any events. If you're hurting and can't attend then dont. But you shouldn't stop being friends with people because she may be there. On the other hand, you can't delay healing because she's present at these functions. If that's the case, than perhaps you might need to find some other activities that don't involve seeing her. OR organize events yourself and don't invite her.

[BrokenGator]

Well at first I wasn't sure whether I am attending, when I put down Maybe I was still considering and at the same time thinking of possible excuses for not attending. I only decided 100% on going when I heard from our mutual friend that my Ex isn't coming because I might be there.

 

 

 

She broke up with me. I just find it a bit over the tops when she unfriended me/left all group chats because of the fact that I went to an event that we were both invited to. It is going to be even more awkward seeing her around after the Christmas holidays.

Did she tell you why she broke up with you? So she basically broke up with you then got upset at you for possibly wanting to hang out with mutual friends. Sounds childish.

[JackJackxD]

Did she tell you why she broke up with you? So she basically broke up with you then got upset at you for possibly wanting to hang out with mutual friends. Sounds childish.

 

Well yeah she did, we had like a long chat on the day of the break up. We tried to be friends but it was obvious that it wasn't working since I still had feelings for her and she just kind of ignores me. Then a week ago I asked her for a second chance, she rejected, which brings me to starting no-contact.

[BrokenGator]

Well yeah she did, we had like a long chat on the day of the break up. We tried to be friends but it was obvious that it wasn't working since I still had feelings for her and she just kind of ignores me. Then a week ago I asked her for a second chance, she rejected, which brings me to starting no-contact.

What where the reasons she gave you?

[JackJackxD]

What where the reasons she gave you?

 

Well basically she said how I am too close with my female friends and each time I do something that she considered to be too close. She said how she was disappointed in me to the point that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. She also bought up other things such as how I am not mature enough and we might just be incompatible.

[happyfrank]

You did nothing wrong. It's all her problems to deal with you.

[BrokenGator]

Well basically she said how I am too close with my female friends and each time I do something that she considered to be too close. She said how she was disappointed in me to the point that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore. She also bought up other things such as how I am not mature enough and we might just be incompatible.

Well I'm not sure what being too close to other girls means exactly.

[JackJackxD]

Well I'm not sure what being too close to other girls means exactly.

 

Once I lost a bet with my female friends and I had to let them put make-up on me. My Ex thought that was too close and got angry at me for a while. Recently I just simply piggy-backed one of my female friends to see how much she weighs and my Ex got angry and stopped talking to me. We didn't talk for like 2 months and when I was back she decided to break up.

[BrokenGator]

Once I lost a bet with my female friends and I had to let them put make-up on me. My Ex thought that was too close and got angry at me for a while. Recently I just simply piggy-backed one of my female friends to see how much she weighs and my Ex got angry and stopped talking to me. We didn't talk for like 2 months and when I was back she decided to break up.

I'm going to be honest with you. If my gf was piggybacking on guys is be pissed. To me, that is completely inappropriate. How would you feel if she was riding on guys? Would you be OK with it?

[JackJackxD]

I'm going to be honest with you. If my gf was piggybacking on guys is be pissed. To me, that is completely inappropriate. How would you feel if she was riding on guys? Would you be OK with it?

 

I have no problem with it. I mean, a piggy-back is a piggy-back. At the end of the day it is just playing around, whats so inappropriate about it? It seriously isn't a big deal. I've piggy-backed both guys and girls in the past and its all fun and games. The girl I piggy-backed was like a sister to me. We knew each other since primary school. I've told my Ex repeatedly that they are not my type and they are just really close friends.

[Scoe141]

I have no problem with it. I mean, a piggy-back is a piggy-back. At the end of the day it is just playing around, whats so inappropriate about it? It seriously isn't a big deal. I've piggy-backed both guys and girls in the past and its all fun and games. The girl I piggy-backed was like a sister to me. We knew each other since primary school. I've told my Ex repeatedly that they are not my type and they are just really close friends.

 

Again, this goes back to boundaries. Apparently your ex thought her boundaries were crossed. To me piggy-back riding is flirting and or inappropriate. Your ex, clearly agrees. If you are looking to further validate your actions you will get both subjective and objective responses. All of which are irrelevant. The only relevant opinion is that from your ex.

 

As for FB, it appears that you are seeking validation from the ENA community to support your decision. What exactly are you looking to accomplish?

 

That being said, you've started 14 threads about this girl. Perhaps you need to shift the focus on living your life and stop worrying about a relationship that ended months ago. Move on, she clearly is. It's the only way you're going to heal.

[Tinydance]

How old are you guys? I think your ex-girlfriend is being immature because if you had both decided to go No Contact, then she had just as much responsibility not to attend this event as did you. I know that she put "Attending" first on the Facebook event, but this is not a game of "First come, first serve" and you both had just as much right to go to that event as each other. I think it's hypocritical that she just automatically thought that YOU should be the one not to go to the event, while she should be the one going. Besides, you did put "Maybe" so it didn't even look like you were definitely going. Anyway, if she was mature she would have either not gone herself if it was making her so uncomfortable, or she'd say nothing and just go and be civil and polite to you. It was just one event and surely not too much sweat off her back if you both went? I think she may have deleted you though mostly just because you'd said you'd have no contact, hence she deleted and blocked you from everything. It may not even have as much to do with the event as that she just wants to completely cut you off. Also if one of her main reasons for breaking up was that you were close to your female friends, I think that's pretty immature and jealous too. I don't mind if my boyfriend has female friends and hangs out with them, but as long as he's trustworthy and he's not doing anything wrong. Either way, I think your ex well and truly wants nothing to do with you now and you should try to do the same and allow yourself to move on from her.