I'm so fed up with his whining!

[Binoo]

I have a friend I've know for about 5 years. Since I've met him he's always complained about being lonely. I consider him to be a very selfish person. He cheats on all his girlfriends, he criticizes people over superficial things and he only does things for other people if he believes there is something in it for him.

I've offered a listening ear. That didn't stop the self pitying attitude. I've offered advice. That always followed with a bunch of "ya, but" excuses. And now I'm simply ignoring him only to be bombarded by emails and texts. I'm getting to a point where I want to tell him off because quite frankly he's alone because he appreciates no one in his life and does crappy things to them. He is the kind of person who will and has shown up atmy house after being ignored for long periods of time so simply blocking him doesn't always do the trick. But I've never flat out told him I think he's getting what he deserves. Do you think telling him this will get him to stop whining and treating people like crap or at the very least get him to leave me alone? Or do you think this will make the situation worse? What would you do?

[mhowe]

He won't change because you point out his behavior. As you have already seen.

 

Simply tell him that you don't care to hear from him any longer.

[SpottiOtti]

Write him an email in which you detail, factually, events that have caused you to develop this view of him. Tell him you've tried to open a dialogue about these things that are bothering you, but he is not willing or able to discuss change. Wish him the best but tell him you are not interested in being in such a one-sided friendship, and then let him know you are not interested in hearing from him any longer and will not be responding to further efforts by him to be "friends". Just use factual, matter of fact language; don't use any feeling words or call names or anything like that.

[FreedomRing]

Personally, I couldn't stomach being fake around him. Every now and then, it's good to do a personal inventory of those who are not contributing to your life in a positive way and 'clean shop'. Perfect timing, with New Years around the corner. I'd wait for the next opportunity of (insert inappropriate/selfish/rude behavior) be very direct about your impression of him and why you're choosing to distance yourself..

[mhowe]

Time to pull the weeds out of the friendship garden.

[milly007]

I think you have to be honest with him, but be aware that he may end up resenting you for telling him the truth. But remember, it isn't what you say, but how you say it that has the greatest impact, so you would have to be really careful with your choice of words. For example, "Listen (enter name here), we need to talk. We're good friends, and I want the best for you, and you may not want to hear this, but it's time you face the facts. I can't continue to just sit here and not say anything, because it isn't accomplishing anything and if anything, it's just making things worse. So, I have to pipe-up and tell you that, you need to change your ways. You're complaining about things not working in your favour, and to be honest, I think the reason for this is a) _____, b) ______ and c)________. Like I said, you may not want to hear this, but as your friend, I had to tell you. It's time to be proactive and change things for the better; otherwise you will continue down the same path, and clearly, this isn't getting you anywhere, or to where you want to be." Etc., etc.

 

Clearly you can't allow things to continue, because it isn't do either of you any favours. It's obviously driving you nuts and it sounds like he's repeating the same behaviour over and over again and as a result, continues to complain.

 

It sounds like your only option at this point is to sit him down, be honest with him, and ensure that you're telling him this because you're looking out for his best interests. Tell him he needs to help himself. He also has to understand that it's affecting your friendship.

 

Don't know if you've tried this approach yet, but if this doesn't cut it, I don't know what will; other than severing your friendship ties.

[ParisPaulette]

In this case you send him an email that simply says, "I do not want to be your friend any longer. Go handle your life and leave me alone." Then you block and delete him and if he shows up at your house call the cops if he won't go away, do not answer the door.

 

I had a friend like this once upon a time. I finally decided I had had enough and told him we were no longer friends, and to go away. Then I did exactly what I'm telling you to do--I blocked and deleted him and the one time he showed up at my apartment I yelled through the door that he needed to leave or I would call the police, we were done.

 

I never heard from him again. It was really nice not having a "friend" that's worse than one's worst enemy. I highly recommend you get rid of him and enjoy the peace and silence and lack of drama. Besides, he's a cheater, so why on earth did you ever think he'd be a good friend to begin with?

[catfeeder]

Just because someone sends a message, that doesn't mean you need to respond to it.

[Lauren8785]

He won't change, he can't see his own behavior. If I was in this situation I would tell him off and maybe, just maybe that would send him the message. If not, just don't reply to him anymore, ignore him and if he comes over call the police for harassment or just don't bother answering the door, pretend you don't hear it.