vnessa1285 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 We have had our share of issues. I invited him to my company work party and he agrees to come with me, even though he knew my co-workers were well aware of how rocky our relationship had been. About 20 minutes into the party he starts acting nasty to me saying how horrible of a person i am for making him come; for telling my co-workers (whom are also my friends) about our relationship issues. After 2 hours he leaves the dinner. I felt so embarrassed. He called his brother to pick him up and take him home (we had come together in my car). I went home pretty upset, but figured i would talk to him about it later. He shows up at my home within 20 mins of me getting there and states we are over. I am (insert every bad name you can think of here)....I brush it off because he is drunk and angry and just ask him to go home. Well, he keys my car and deflates my tire right in front of me. ? I somehow keep my cool and go back inside. Two hours later he starts banging on my doors and windows. Deciding i dont need him to break my things i dont let him in. This lasts for an hour and a half and than he takes off. Fast forward to last night. no contact for 3 days. I email him to inform him he needs to take me off his account for a payment and he responds DO NOT CONTACT ME. So i guess my question is, why the heck am i the one that is hurting so badly after he was the one that treated me bad? I mean 6 years of loving and caring for this man and this is how it ends?? Please, help me shed some light on this. Anyone going through heartache knows how this feels. I just want to know why i am the one feeling it when i should be hating him! Link to comment
Clinton Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 No idea of the reasons he left. All I can tell you is he'd made up his mind to leave far in advance of this. And any reason he may give likely won't be what he really feels. Sometimes even they don't know exactly why they want to break up. A lot of us feel like crap even though the person that left wasn't that great. It's human nature. We hate being abandoned by someone we trusted. Accept it, go NC, and move on. You will heal in time and find a better match for you. It may not seem that way now but it's true none the less Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 No idea of the reasons he left. All I can tell you is he'd made up his mind to leave far in advance of this. And any reason he may give likely won't be what he really feels. Sometimes even they don't know exactly why they want to break up. A lot of us feel like crap even though the person that left wasn't that great. It's human nature. We hate being abandoned by someone we trusted. Accept it, go NC, and move on. You will heal in time and find a better match for you. It may not seem that way now but it's true none the less Thank you. I wish they made medicine for broken hearts. Feeling this is so much harder than just burying all the pain. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Thank you. I wish they made medicine for broken hearts. Feeling this is so much harder than just burying all the pain. The medicine for your broken heart is a cold hard dose of reality. This was over for him and had been for awhile. What you describe as "having your issues" was reality trying to tell you that the two of you were not suitable. Instead, you hung in there hoping to fix a damaged guy with your love. Reading your summary, I had a string of immediate questions: why did you drive to the party - does he have a car? Is he gainfully employed? Can you see a bright future for him as an individual? why are you on his account as the payee? why can't he make this payment himself? This is not the first time he has shown up drunk at your place and acted the fool, is it? Was it puzzling is how you are hurting over this when you should be giving yourself a high-five for getting rid of this loser. Take a moment and see how you ignored the red flags. His temper and verbal abuse are not loveable antics. His lack of financial stability is not him being a rebel. Why do you think he was with you for so long? You were driving him places, paying his bills and providing girlfriend perks while he didn't give you much in return. Why did you settle for breadcrumbs? You need to see that you are worthy and never settle for less again. Good luck! Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Holy poo you hit that nail on the head. You just described my entire 6 years. Your right. I was his crutch and settled for a crappy relationship. Maybe all this is hurting so much because its the holidays and my bday next week and i feel alone. This breakup is a good thing i just need to spin it in my favor. Thank you! Link to comment
sky09 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Keying your car and damaging tires? That's messed up. I bet he was infuriated that you didn't respond in-kind. He needs to get help. You're only on day 3 and it will get tougher, so brace for a roller-coaster ride. Things happen for a reason. Now might be the best time to re-assess yourself, your life, and values. This forum has been a great place to guide me thru my own situation. I need to stop coming in here so often, though Hang in there. Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Keying your car and damaging tires? That's messed up. I bet he was infuriated that you didn't respond in-kind. He needs to get help. You're only on day 3 and it will get tougher, so brace for a roller-coaster ride. Things happen for a reason. Now might be the best time to re-assess yourself, your life, and values. This forum has been a great place to guide me thru my own situation. I need to stop coming in here so often, though Hang in there. Yes, it was very messed up and completely unlike him. I suppose he just didnt care anymore about me. Thank you for your response. I will continue to feed off its positive energy to get me through this heart breaking time. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why didn't you call the police & have him arrested for damaging your property, or for banging on your door & windows for hours? Your neighbours must be tired of all the drama too! Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why didn't you call the police & have him arrested for damaging your property, or for banging on your door & windows for hours? Your neighbours must be tired of all the drama too! They are sick of it. I didn't call the police because I love him. I couldn't get him arrested. It crossed my mind but I just couldn't hurt him like that. Regardless of what he did to me. In sure I sound stupid. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 No reason is going to make it better. None. Trust me when I say this. Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 No reason is going to make it better. None. Trust me when I say this. How long will the pain last? It's so overwhelming. The only time I'm not crying is while im at work. I'm confused. Hours before the breakup he was telling me he was the only one in the world who truly loved me. Than I was ugly and he hasn't loved me for years. I'm so hurt. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Your milage may vary but I find the pain eases, not time, but with living, by which I mean, arrange coffee dates with your friends, call your mum (if you like her), throw yourself into social hobby you enjoy or take a class in something. He really turned ugly at the end there, I think you are better off out. And the heart will mend with time and doing, and people. Link to comment
vnessa1285 Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Your milage may vary but I find the pain eases, not time, but with living, by which I mean, arrange coffee dates with your friends, call your mum (if you like her), throw yourself into social hobby you enjoy or take a class in something. He really turned ugly at the end there, I think you are better off out. And the heart will mend with time and doing, and people. Thank you. He did get really ugly. Like a dog attacking something. Bummer. Thanks for your response 😊 Link to comment
catfeeder Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Think of this as the pain of ripping off a bandaid so you can heal and live your REAL life. This nightmare might have a rude awakening, but better to suffer the dis-illusion-ment than continue in that mess. Head high, your new life is about to begin. Link to comment
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