Dumped over & over & over & over again!!!

[GB94]

I am new to the forum, so first of all Hi! Here is my story:

 

I was with a girl just short of a year and a half, I love her to the point it hurts. We were arguing one night while we were drunk and things got out of hand and she ended up attacking me because she believed a lie another girl told her .. She was on top of me and I sort of kick-pushed her(if that makes sense) to get her away from me in self defence. She falls, breaks her finger & we don't speak for 3 weeks(, so I was under the impression we were over for good. 3 weeks goes by of barely any contact and she texts me telling me she hates me and that I ruined everything and said things to try and make me angry and jealous, she ends up getting jealous because she found out I was talking to another girl while we weren't together and then eventually tells me she misses me and asked me if I would meet her the next day to talk to her, so I agree to go and talk to her(this was at the end of September). Everything goes OK and she comes to my house the next day and we have sex(brilliant). We agreed that we would take things slow and not let anyone know we were back together, we ended up telling people anyway. After this she becomes very fickle and splits up with me and says she feels weird about it every two days or so, then it began to go from every few days to every Friday. Usually when she does this she messaged me the next day or even later that night and said she didn't mean it or whatever.

 

This time, it is nearly 2 weeks since she done it(this is the longest). I ask her to talk to me about it and she said she didn't know on the Saturday. Last Tuesday I message her asking her just to talk to me about it and she said she needs space away from it and ignored me again for another 2 days, I begged her just to tell me if she didn't love me any more & tell me how she felt/if it was over for good & she said something along these lines: "I am not going to tell you I don't love you anymore because that isn't true but we can't be together I am sorry, it is making me feel stressed & depressed sending crying faces and what not. The Friday I find out she slept over at another guys house, but with two of our mutual friends being present there(they are bf/gf) and I ask her about it and she says it isn't like that, my other friend(boy) told me he didn't think it was like that either but the guy likes my EX. So, Naturally I was pissed off! Other people tell me they think stuff is going on because it looks like there is. Then while I am talking to her I ask her to tell me she doesn't love me again if she doesn't and then she said "I don't love you, off!", bearing in mind, two days prior she told me she did still love me ...

 

Her friend's boyfriend is living with the other guy just now because he has no where else to stay and his girlfriend is just there all the time to see him, so my EX just goes with her. Her friend, messages me on facebook and says it isn't like that at all and that I am just being paranoid and if I just leave her for now she will contact me eventually. Her other friend told me she asked her if she liked the guy and she said my ex was horrified at the thought of it, my friend(boy) that told me about him liking her told me that she was disgusted by it when he admitted it over the phone on loud speaker.

 

I am struggling to come to terms with it because I know the guy and part of me tells me that there is no WAY she could like him because he is an ugly weirdo and generally a trampy person, I know that might sound harsh but it is the facts. Another part of me tells me that she is doing stuff with him like sleeping with him and it kills me inside. From an outsiders point of view based on what I have told you, what is going on???? Will she ever contact me again and regret her decision? I know for a fact I don't want to go back out with her, there is just some things I really want to say to her so she knows EXACTLY how she made me feel & I want some definite closure so I can move on. For the time being I am going NC and have done for nearly 3 days.

 

Thanks if you took the time to read this and any advice/theories on the issue will be very very much appreciated.

[CraigHowes]

Closure comes from within and not by hitting up her phone to tell you how much you hate her. One that's not going make you feel better and is only going to lower your self respect.

 

Take a step back from all the drama and chill out. Now is the time to go no contact gain a sense of control over yourself and take the time to learn the lessons from this as this is not an healthy relationship at all.

 

It's going to take time but you will come to a point where you don't care anymore and forgive yourself coming to a point of acceptance.

 

That chapter of your life is over now, it's time to let it go and build yourself ready for the next chapter. Hate and contact will only hurt you in the long run. You've got to let it go and the wounds heal in order to move on with your life.

[GB94]

Thanks, I should have mentioned before, that before we went out we were friends for 4 years, so it feels to me as if she is throwing away a 4 year friendship and a nearly 2 year relationship, over a petty reason that she will never disclose to me why.

[CraigHowes]

We never get all of the answers we want at the end of a relationship. She may not even be able to articulate her reasons for ending it. Even if she did all it opens up is if i fix/change x she will want me back. Which isn't the way it works at all. You are you and she is she it didn't work out and you have to let it be.

 

People will come and go throughout your life. I hardly know anyone i knew 10 years ago. Your perception of yourself stays with you throughout and people can think whatever they want about you.

 

Go no contact hang around with your friends and find out who you are single and be excited by it, embrace it breakups force you to look within.

[Jehst1987]

Hey mate,

 

Understandably you're anxious and upset at the moment. My best advice would be to go completely no contact NOW. Don't delete her from anything, block her, etc. just yet, but go completely no contact. You need to so that you can get some clear perspective, but it will also shine a MUCH better light on you then what's being shone at the moment. You'll gain more self respect and much more respect from her in the long run. Don't make yourself look foolish by begging for answers or confirmation she's not sleeping with this new guy. It's not attractive. You'll look much better going no contact.

 

It's going to be hard man, particularly with the demons in your head telling you she's doing this and that, but remember you don't know the truth about what's going on and you won't regardless of who you ask and when. Forget it.

 

She'll most likely reach out to you if you go quiet now. She'll wonder why she hasn't heard from you. It may not be in the next few days, months, but it will happen as she obviously cares about you, but she's just confused at the moment and doesn't want any drama. Let her chill out and do her things while you focus on yourself.

[GB94]

I don't want her back at all, at least I think I don't, if a girl can end a relationship of that length when it seemed like we had a deep mental connection and jump into a new guys bed within a week then she is clearly a sl*t and doesn't deserve another chance, whenever she comes back, I plan to give her the silent treatment, my friend said if I do this or if she was to find out I was up to stuff she would feel "OMG, What have I done" & come running back begging for it, and I just want her to feel remorseful and guilty so she understands that she f*cked up and she won't do it again to another guy. My Grandmother told me she is a silly little girl and my friend said she is too immature for a serious relationship atm which they kind of link together. In the end, I will be the one laughing and being happy while she is miserable(I think). She blocked me on Facebook and I blocked her number.

[CraigHowes]

Take the anger you feel and turn it into progress. Yes if she needs to run into another mans arms instead of dealing with her emotions then she is unstable emotionally which is her issue and will still be there with this new guy.

 

She is only human though and as humans we have the choice to either learn from our experiences or run from them. She will learn that lesson in time as we all do.

 

Now that you've recognised this is the situation it's time to find peace with it and let the anger go as it doesn't serve you. She deserves as much as anyone else in this world and she will probably grow into a healthy woman but that's up to her to resolve and work through.

 

Time to stop thinking of her and to turn the attention on you so that your the best person you can be for the next girl that comes along. That way you won't repeat the same mistakes you made in this relationship. There are always lessons to take away from life changing events.

[Jehst1987]

Yeah, if you go no contact she will certainly wonder where you have gone and why you have 'lost interest', It's giving yourself the respect you deserve and also gaining the power of appearing strong, even if you're struggling inside. Don't let her see that struggle given how she's treated you. Do ignore her, gain your respect back. Use the anger you have towards something positive.

 

She may not be sleeping with this other guy, you have to remember that. If she is then it's possible she's doing it to mask the pain of the breakup and she'll wise up to that in the end.

[GB94]

That is the problem, because of her and my previous relationship, I have lost all faith in the female population & I know they are not all the same because that would be an insult to those who aren't like these two previous girls. But, because these two girls messed me around I fear for the worst for my next relationship because they have left me insecure and self conscious and forever thinking they are unfaithful

 

 

 

It helps me to know that I am probably the best boyfriend she has had and will get if she keeps up her ways because I know(and without sounding bitter) I would be 100000x the man the new guy is & it comforts me. I spoke to my friend on the phone last night and he basically said "You were a good boyfriend, she just made you two a sh*t couple"

 

I could only go back to her if she matured up and stopped being fickle and realised that she has responsibility rather than playing the victim card ALL the time. But even at that, if she has done stuff with him, I don't think I could.

[CraigHowes]

How old are you? Depending on that depends on the quality of women your likely to find and the values they hold.

 

2 women out of 1000s is nothing and with every bad experience in life it sets us up to be stronger and more prepared for next time.

 

The good thing is now you can spot the signs a mile off and run instead of sticking it out. Just take the time to process all your feelings and be kind to yourself.

 

You'll love again and it'll be amazing and trust me will blow your exs out of the park. We all go through these kind of relationships they serve a massive purpose in order to find out who we are and what we want.

[GB94]

How old are you? Depending on that depends on the quality of women your likely to find and the values they hold.

 

2 women out of 1000s is nothing and with every bad experience in life it sets us up to be stronger and more prepared for next time.

 

The good thing is now you can spot the signs a mile off and run instead of sticking it out. Just take the time to process all your feelings and be kind to yourself.

 

You'll love again and it'll be amazing and trust me will blow your exs out of the park. We all go through these kind of relationships they serve a massive purpose in order to find out who we are and what we want.

 

I am 20. I honestly felt that she was different man. I feel like she never appreciated the things I done for her. I am a student and I only get a student loan as my income and took her places as often as I financially could. One time, we were going to the cinema and I had a massive spot on my head and she knew fine well I felt self conscious about it and she LAUGHED at me while I was stressing out over it and feeling low, I felt that everyone was staring at it and she just kept laughing so I said to her I wasn't taking her anymore and she started yelling at me in the street, making me feel like total sh*t. I was literally begging her to stop but she wouldn't. There has to be women out there that are not like this surely?

[CraigHowes]

Of course there is my friend. See at 20 people aren't really looking for anything long term and to be honest they don't really know what they are doing. Your just experimenting with life seeing what you like and what you don't.

 

Women and men at this age lack the years of understanding compassion compromise that older people have gone through. They are just single minded out for themselves and to have fun.

 

Trust me there are tons of women out there that will treat you will respect and dignity. You have years of dating experience ahead of you there is no rush i would just enjoy college and ensure you get good grades all the rest will fall in to place in time.

 

The people and the way you date will change dramatically once your out of college and stable in the real world trust me.

[GB94]

Of course there is my friend. See at 20 people aren't really looking for anything long term and to be honest they don't really know what they are doing. Your just experimenting with life seeing what you like and what you don't.

 

Women and men at this age lack the years of understanding compassion compromise that older people have gone through. They are just single minded out for themselves and to have fun.

 

Trust me there are tons of women out there that will treat you will respect and dignity. You have years of dating experience ahead of you there is no rush i would just enjoy college and ensure you get good grades all the rest will fall in to place in time.

 

The people and the way you date will change dramatically once your out of college and stable in the real world trust me.

 

Thanks man, I am getting booked up for a festival after college next Summer, so there is that to look forward to I guess, I just HATE the way she has made me feel the last few months and am looking forward to feeling better and experiencing different girls.

[kbbcoop77]

Dude from 20-25 I literally experienced a cavalcade of girls. Had several relationships that lasted a few months, a couple almost a year, some one night stands, some 3 night stands etc. It was the best thing I couldve done. You need to do that. At 20 no way do you want to strap yourself down to one girl. You will regret the hell out of it. Let her go, heal a bit then go get 'em. Get that out of your system while you are in your 20's.

[CraigHowes]

Different strokes for different people. I'm 25 now and have never had a one night stand and don't regret it.

 

I've always been mature for my age and have sought committed relationships you just have to be true to who you are and what you want. Nothing wrong with experimenting with women if that's what you want.

 

It's your life and you've got to live it. Just enjoy the journey.

[GB94]

Thanks guys, I just feel quite ty for the time being, any rough idea of how long it will feel this way for? I try my best not to think about it.

[CraigHowes]

How longs a piece of string haha. Naa seriously everyone is different as long as you have something to work for and look forward to your future setting personal goals then your brain will settle down and your ex will become a distant memory.

 

Take care.

[GB94]

Thank you, much appreciated

[GB94]

An update on this for anyone who cares to try and explain to me what is going on. She unblocked me on facebook after a week and a half of having me blocked, she hasn't made contact and I noticed last night when I seen her profile as someones friend and i clicked it because I thought she had blocked me. Why would she unblock me after blocking me and saying she hated me and never wanted to speak to me again hmmm ... ??

[mhowe]

I think the better question is what does it matter?

[GB94]

That is a good point, I am just curious to know y'know?