Break up with him because he didn't contact me on Thanksgiving

[ImNotYourBabe]

I was thinking and I did get kinda mad so maybe thats why he didn't want to talk on Thanksgiving and would only text.

[Capricorn3]

I think you are way overreacting. Only dating 8 short months doesn't automatically mean he has to invite you this his parents' place for thanksgiving. Also, the fact that you blew up at him (again) and had a huge fight, it's not surprising that he wasn't in the mood to talk to you. No-one would be in the mood to talk after that. He needs time to cool down. Both of you do. You say you're a very sensitive person and usually very sensitive people DO tend to blow up at very minor things and take everything personally. That is YOUR problem, so don't take it out on him.

 

Also, don't you have your own family to go to for Thanksgiving?

[Capricorn3]

OP: Maybe it's time to do some self-reflecting and seek professional help. You once said this:

 

"I always want to be mad. I think I love drama because it makes me feel....something maybe important. Like I try to pick a fight with my boyfriend so he can chase me. Chase me and apologize and try to make up with me. I am REALLY sensitive and easily offended. I am overly critical of myself. The way I look, I OVER ANALYZE everything".

 

One day you are going to push him too far and lose him. This is not normal behaviour and being a super sensitive drama queen will only lose you many friends and relationships. Look into professional counseling/therapy.

[Mesemene]

but to not even call? I kept calling him and calling him because I wanted to talk so he texted me. I will call you later and he never called ON THANKSGIVING. I'm thinking okay if you care you would call. Now he texts me that he misses me too just a few hours ago. Its confusing.

 

He could have been in the middle of dinner - and it would have been VERY bad manners for him to drop everything and call.

 

As far as reading you should meet family within the first year - NEVER, pretty much NEVER, rely on any books for relationship "rules." Those rules tend to be way out of date, or be meant as general guidelines, and don't consider individual situations. Those books don't expect you to use them as a bible - but as "average" etiquette. So if his family lives farther than normal - and he's not close with them - I don't think it's out of line he hasn't taken you to meet them. Especially if he's been brought up that he should only do that when marriage is on the table - I doubt he wants relatives he's not even close to grilling him about his relationship because he brought you over.

 

Take a step back and look at WHY you get upset over things so easily - and maybe start planning on better methods of dealing with it. You could easily end up pushing him away if he's seeing this as a pattern.

[Moontiger]

but to not even call? I kept calling him and calling him because I wanted to talk so he texted me. I will call you later and he never called ON THANKSGIVING. I'm thinking okay if you care you would call. Now he texts me that he misses me too just a few hours ago. Its confusing.

 

Honestly, this makes you sound a bit controlling. You called him and he didn't answer, there are literally thousands of possible reasons he didn't answer. But instead of just leaving a message "Hey babe! happy thanksgiving! Hope all is well with your mom, give me a call when you can!" Which would have been a normal response, you bombarded him with call, after call, after, after call. That is not normal.

[Cadence44]

I think this is another example of you blowing up, and it's concerning that you can't even see it.

 

You're 33. Time to get self-aware.

 

How about instead of scanning the environment for ways someone has let you down as a way to forever be the victim and feel a twisted sense of control, you learn to COMMUNICATE LIKE AN ADULT when something bothers you. You also need to learn to let small things go. But when something big is bothering you, you do not react in the moment. You do not call and text excessively. You sit with it and self-calm. You should not be tempted to end a relationship if it is otherwise good, because that's you grasping for absolute control. What you should do is be stable, take sometime to figure out why something bothers you, and decide if that is "yours" (meaning a process in your head that isn't serving you well), or if it is actually something your partner did. If it is the latter, you wait for a good time to talk (calm, quiet, no distractions), and then you talk.

 

"Honey, I just want to let you know how I'm feeling. When you didn't call me on Thanksgiving, my feelings were hurt. I felt like you didn't care about me."

 

*stop talking and wait*

 

Then he says something. It will probably be a "I didn't know it meant that much to you. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry."

 

You "Thank you, sweetie. I'd like to hear your voice on holidays. It's important because it makes me feel close to you. Maybe I'll try to be more proactive when we're going to be separated and let you know in advance when I'd like to talk."

 

And that's how you communicate like an adult, which requires maturity, vulnerability, and emotions that are under control.

[marquez20]

great response