ojk85 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I posted about my recent break up here, its only been a few weeks. I've been coping rather well, it was an LDR so I guess the distance did help this time. Yesterday, I received a message from my exs best friend, at first I was hesitant to open it because my first impression was "wth is she messaging me for?" I mean we got along really well and she was one of the few people I actually talked to when me and my ex broke up. I finally decided to open her message, she said that her boyfriend just broke up with her and she's devastated, she said were practically on the same boat. Sigh, well I talked to her for a bit, I tried to give her the advices that my friends and family gave me, but at the same time, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Talking to her pretty much reminds me of my ex, and that's not good. I know I should worry about my own healing but at the same time its hard for me to turn my back since I know what it feels like... She hasn't messaged again but she just might. I'm not sure if I should just brush her off politely or keep helping her out by talking to her. Any suggestions? Link to comment
Clio Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Brush her off politely. Contacting you was inappropriate, selfish and immature of her. Nothing good can come out of this. Your healing comes first. Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 You have your support network too heal and she has hers. The two should not cross as it doesn't benefit either of you. Delete and continue healing up. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Yup- you need your own time now. You don't have the emotional energy to put forward & help her out. She needs to deal with this herself. And it's also making you feel awkward. Just reply in a kind way.. if she contacts you again, that you understand her pain and you know it takes time. And something like you wish her to best in her healing. If she keeps at you after that.. do not keep replying. Don't let yourself be taken into her dilemma. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 ...she was one of the few people I actually talked to when me and my ex broke up. I think it's a little unfair that you talked to her after your breakup, and now you can't put your feelings aside to talk to her. You don't have to be in constant touch, but at least give her an ear for this initial time. If it gets to be too much, you could just be honest with her and say you're still healing, and the reminder of your gf is difficult for you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 You're in no position to help her out, and vice versa. I would politely tell her that your main focus is to heal, followed by wishing her well. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 I think it's a little unfair that you talked to her after your breakup, and now you can't put your feelings aside to talk to her. You don't have to be in constant touch, but at least give her an ear for this initial time. I'm glad you noticed that too. People seem more concerned with their own pain than the pain of others at times. Link to comment
ojk85 Posted November 28, 2014 Author Share Posted November 28, 2014 Thanks guys. I just deleted the messages and probably wont talk to her again. I was always an inch close to asking her how my ex is doing and it would probably affect me knowing. Talking to her isn't helping my healing and yes, my healing comes first. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 28, 2014 Share Posted November 28, 2014 Why did you talk to her after you first got dumped by your ex? Link to comment
ojk85 Posted November 29, 2014 Author Share Posted November 29, 2014 When we broke up I was devastated, I messaged my exs friend and asked her to tell my ex I was sorry, and I will always love her and I'm sorry if I was suffocating her, etc etc etc. Lol bad decision. Friend was nice enough not to shut me down... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 When we broke up I was devastated, I messaged my exs friend and asked her to tell my ex I was sorry, and I will always love her and I'm sorry if I was suffocating her, etc etc etc. Lol bad decision. Friend was nice enough not to shut me down... You do see how it might be seen as selfish for you to go to your ex's best friend when you are dumped and devastated but when she is seeking the same ear from you, you are hesitant to speak? Link to comment
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