What would be the right thing to do regarding my former friend?

[JuggernautJay]

I had a close friend, we met when I was 16 and she was 15. We became really close and would hang out almost every week. We chatted like every day, whether it be in school or online and all the time. This continued we both left school. Anyways, I'm now 18 years old and in college. Her sister is 16 and in college with me. My friend is now 17 and has just dropped out of 6th form as she no longer wishes to go to uni and she now works in 'Next.'

 

Anyways, like I said we used to talk every day. We confided secrets in each other. We would hang out together. And we would flirt and stuff. We were so close that people thought we were more than just friends. I was there for her when she was having bad times and vice versa. Earlier this year I got feelings for her and then in around April time I told her. She just told me that she only sees me as a friend and that she wants nothing more. I said I wanted to stop talking to her for a while so that I could get over her but she begged me not to and said that I was her best friend and that she cares about me and wants me to be a part of her life. She started saying she was worried that if I stopped talking to her I wouldn't come back. So I stopped for like a month and then came back into contact with her. I still had feelings but I told her that I was over her.

 

In August she got a boyfriend. Well she'd been talking to him for 16 months apparently and they'd hung out and she said she'd fallen in love with him. We still remained friends and stayed in contact. However, on September 29th I saw her boyfriend in town making out with some other girl. I told my friend about it and she confronted him. He denied it and convinced her that I was jealous and was trying to tear their relationship apart. She started asking me about it and I insisted I was telling the truth but she believed him over me and told me never to speak to her again. She then blocked me from Facebook. I tried texting and ringing her but had no replies. The last message I sent her was on October 3rd saying "I don't know what I've done wrong, everything I've told you was the truth and if you're going to believe someone who you've only known properly for 3 months over your best friend of nearly 4 years then I don't know what to say. Yes, I do have feelings for you but that doesn't mean I'm going to try and tear your relationship apart. I want you to be happy but I also don't want to see you get hurt. You've been my best friend for years now, I don't want to lose you over something to stupid. So please, just listen to me because I swear I'm telling the truth"

 

She hasn't replied to that last message and I haven't attempted to contact her since. I've spoken to her sister in college about it and her sister insists I'm telling the truth. Her sister has tried to speak to her but apparently she told her sister that she doesn't want to talk about me or anything to do with me and apparently if her sister mentions my name she gets told to shut up and never to mention my name to her again. Her sister is suggesting that I should try and speak to her in work but I don't think that's right. And now her sister has convinced her Mum to invite me around for dinner and I can speak to her there but she found out and told her Mum that she doesn't want me there. Now I don't know what to do. I'm leaving her alone now, but would that be the right thing to do? It's what she wanted and I'm trying to respect her wishes. But on the other hand, I'm worried that if I don't try and get back in contact with her then I'll lose my best friend. Or maybe she'll start talking to me again and things will be awkward or tense between us. What should I do? What would be the right thing?

 

I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone who helps out

[Man with Dog]

I'm afraid, relationships, friendships can end too. I'm glad you are friends with her sister but as far as your friend is concerned, she is right and you cannot confuse her with the facts! Maybe one day she will catch her boyfriend and forgive you but for now you simply should not contact her.

 

Any chance of dating her sister?

 

Good luck.

[ParisPaulette]

You need to let it drop at this point. You have done everything you could. Her family has done everything they could. She is love blind and in the throes of lust and chooses to believe him over you. Is it insane? Yes. Will she look back someday and realize what an idiot she was for choosing a cheater over her friends and family--possible. But also possibly not. This is why you see normally sane, great women and men toss everything away to be with someone who abuses them or is abusive to them in some way.

 

All you can do is what you've done. And learn that next time you need to get pictures or video if you catch a friend's SO cheating and realize they may or may still not want to hear it and may choose not to believe you anyways. They might also end the friendship if they later find you knew and didn't say anything, so it is pretty much a 50-50 split on whether to tell or not and comes down more to your own personal integrity I'm afraid. I would believe you, I have landed on the side of the people who genuinely had my back each and every time. But we aren't all that sane and even relationship to relationship there can be insanities. My last one was with a chronic cheater and I kept going back to him and I knew better, but still did it. When friends told me he was cheating I had to admit I knew, but believed he'd change. Yes, I plead temporary insanity and your friend is there right now. There's nothing else you can do until she gets the rose-colored blinders knocked off and chooses to leave them off rather than pick them up and try to see through a cracked lens.

 

Stop chasing her. Tell her family you've done your best, they've done their best, it's not working. This girl will have to find out the hard way for herself that she needs to guard her own loyalties and realize her errors. All you can do is let her live with her own choices and mistakes. Maybe one final text telling her if she ever finds out the truth for herself and wants to talk to you that you won't turn her away, but for now you are done with the friendship too. And then you move on and find other friends. I know that's hard to do, but you can only try to stop someone from getting hurt for so long before it becomes borderline harassment of their life choices.

[JuggernautJay]

I'm afraid, relationships, friendships can end too. I'm glad you are friends with her sister but as far as your friend is concerned, she is right and you cannot confuse her with the facts! Maybe one day she will catch her boyfriend and forgive you but for now you simply should not contact her.

 

Any chance of dating her sister?

 

Good luck.

 

So I should just leave it then? I miss her, any ways I can get her off my mind. I have lots of other friends and I spend a lot of time with them but I still keep thinking about her.

 

Aha, I wouldn't date her sister. Not to sound harsh but she sleeps around a lot and I don't really want someone like that.

[JuggernautJay]

Do you think it would be a good idea, if she finds out and apologises, to just accept her back? I'm not so sure. I'm thinking that I do want her back as a friend but if she can just drop me like that, when I've been there for her for so long is she a real friend? Or am I kidding myself?

[Clinton]

Honestly it doesn't seem like you are getting a lot out of this friendship. And it's not a real friendship because you have feelings for her.

 

I'd let this die. Most male, female friendships I've seen tend to lose their closeness whenever one of them becomes romantically involved

 

And thats normal as most of their energy goes towards the significant other

 

Best to.just move on.