Well here I am, 4 months later

[OnlyAshes]

Well, it's been awhile since I've been on here...been trying ot cope, heal, figure out where my life is headed, what I need to do next. It has been a hard 4 months...the hardest in my life.

 

My ex and I haven't spoke in 2 months (with the exception of me sending her a phone txt wishing her a happy thanksgiving, christmas, and new years). Wow, everything seems so different now, out of place, scrambled. She has a new guy, me...still single for sure. I'm letting her go a little more everyday, but it's a fight for every piece of her I give up. The pain is still there as it was the first day she left me...but for some reason, I have learned to deal with it. This is something I've learned...the pain will be there, I just have to learn how to handle it differently.

 

My main reason for posting though is for advice. I'm seeking everyone's knowledge on this one. As some of you know, I have a relatively small amount of dating experience, and have slept with one person in my life (I'm 24). Maybe some women can help me out with my newest dilema...

 

It seems like every girl I meet or are introduced to only wants to sleep with me, or have me come home with them. I am by no means "tooting my own horn", but what is going on. Most of the girls know my situation, that I just got out of a serious relationship, and that I've only slept with one person. Am I something to conquer? Is my innocence something they want to take part in? Are they doing it to make me like them? Am I an easy rebound? It seems when I was single before my ex, and was still in college...this sort of thing never happened. But now, the same girls I was hanging around with many years ago really are trying to use me for sex. I'm so confused? I can't even get a date out of these girls, it's sex or nothing. I know many of the guys here think this is some far fetched story, or elaborate tale...but unfortunately it is not. This is actually adding to my pain.

 

One girl had enough guts to come up to me at a party and say "I heard you've only slept with your ex, I've known you for a while, why don't I take you home and show you what she did wrong"

 

What the hell is that?

 

This is killing me, and any insight from females would be helpful...are these just "easy" girls? Or is there something else behind all of this?

 

Anyways, thanks guys as always...

 

4 months down, a lifetime of pain to go....

[GettingOverIt]

A lot of guys would 'say' they'd love to be in your shoes, but the truth is, if they the pain involved, they wouldn't want to be anywhere near sex. I cannot say I've ever had your problem, but I just wanted you to know that from one guy who is still recovering from a lost relationship to another guy - I know the hurt and the confusion.

 

My only advice is to keep doing what you're doing - rejecting it. I don't know how the other guys on here feel, but I am proud to see that you aren't jumping in the sack with everything that throws herself at you. Your pain may be very appealing to some of these women, and there is something about vulnerability in people that brings out the strange in others. Why? Who knows.

 

Keep it up and hang in there. When in doubt, come here and talk...

[Tryingtobestrong]

Oh my gosh, are you serious?

 

Wow, I cant believe women are really coming up to you and telling you straight out that they want you for sex, and only sex.

 

No idea why they do it, but I know I would not.

 

If I thought a guy was really hot, then I would try to get to know him better and hopefully he would turn out to be a great guy who I would like to date.

 

This is strange, because normally it is girls who are looking for a relationship while guys are looking for an easy lay.

 

No idea, why this is happening to you. I guess this would be most guys dream come true, but as it is not yours, I am really sorry.

[OnlyAshes]

Yes, that is why I'm in such shock.....

 

"This is strange, because normally it is girls who are looking for a relationship while guys are looking for an easy lay"

 

This is blowing everything out of control for me. I tried to have a decent conversation with a girl last night, letting her know that I had to get up early the next day, and that It's too early for me, and it was a bad idea...but I would like to get to know her...

 

I asked her for her phone #, and she said "don't bother"

 

What kind of bizarro world am I in? And to add to all of this, I have all of my friends basically pushing me into these situations.

 

I'm NOT going to sleep with any of them, it's not my style, or what I want. Hell, the first person I kissed since my ex (which was a weird *forced* kiss) almost brought me to tears in front of tons of people...

 

I'm trying to convince myself that I need to allow myself to date, and that I'm ready for it....but the only girls I've met have ruined all of my hope to find a "decent" girl again. Part of me wishes that sex didn't mean so much to me morally and emotionally, and that I should be living it up...and that it would actually help me get over my ex if I did. But that is only a very, very, small part....if I even really feel that at all.

 

And yes to the guys who say "live it up", or "man this is great for you"...trust me, it hurts bad....and it's not what I thought it would be like at all. To not be wanted for who I am, what I can offer....it just, to put it plainly...sucks

[mrsmarvl]

Dont worry and dont look for anyone to be in a relationship with at this time. Give yourself time to heal. And everyone of these guys on here sre right ...dont go for it....no matter how much they throw it in your face. You will just get hurt all over again. DOnt worry it will come to you when you least expect it

 

[HajiMaji]

Youre a funny dude, and yeah your situation sucks.

 

As much as i wish it would go away, im healing (trying to atleast) from my past relationship. I definitely wouldnt be able to just sleep with anyone, especially right now. Id say keep being strong there, it will only hurt more if you take them up on it.

 

Dude, you must be a stud! Im just messin with ya, but it really sucks. I can tell you are a feeling type guy, which is cool (there arent enough of us in the world man), but that means that stuff like this hurts a little more. Hang in there and who knows what will happen.

 

Ya gotta figure sooner or later some girl is going to have REAL interest in you and actually listen to you ya know. Wait for a girl like that to come along, and im sure she will.

 

Good luck broseof. I thought it was really funny when you were trying to get to know that woman and she said, "Dont bother" after she wanted your lovin. Its like she came to YOU, but you had more genuine interest in her then she had for you.

 

Hey, and it does make a good story man!

[OnlyAshes]

Suprema, yeah, she txted me back...just the standard "you too" BS. So who knows, but when I got it, it felt weird...the first contact in 2 months..even if it was a txt over the phone...excited and mad all at once, yuck, remind me not to do that again. I know she was just being nice, returning the gesture...oh well.

 

And last night, I went to the bar...I was very stand-offish, it seems to be my only defense right now. I'm being called anti-social by my group of friends.

 

[raccoon]

A buddy of mine back in college always said that when you're in a realtionship, beautiful women are everywhere - looking at you, flirting, smiling - and you think, "damn, if only I were single." When you're not in a realtionship, they're nowhere to be seen. Sort of a cosmic 'feast or famine' rule.

 

But I digress. I know what you're talking about. When you're coming off a particually hard breakup, sex is everywhere. Trouble is, it's the one time you don't want it. It's as thought members of the opposite sex (or the same sex) can smell vulnerability on you. Though when I broke up my friends were saying dumb things like "the best way to get over a man is to get under another one," my advice to you is don't take the bait. Rebound sex (though fun) can leave you feeling more empty than you did before.

 

When I was dating after my breakup, I'd come home from the date feeling sad. Because I wished I could have had dinner with the one person I loved instead of some stranger.

 

Take your time, don't get back on the horse until you're ready. When you meet the right girl who will take your mind of your past love (and believe me, you will meet her) she won't be pressuring you to do anything. And then you'll actually want to go home with her!

 

Good luck, stud