Ex Girlfriend in Rebound and Contacting me during NC

[Btmnk21]

So I left my ex-gf of 10 months about 6 weeks ago. I left mainly because she was constantly bringing up my prior relationship and comparing herself to that exgf, and making outlandish comments (like you love her more than me...when I hadn't spoken to that person in months). Anyways right after I said it was over she would text me strange messages about moving on, being happy, and all I thought was she was saying more of the same.

 

But after 2 weeks I realized I was upset, loved her, and just needed a little space. I contacted her to say I was sorry and she says "I am seeing someone and have been for a week". So I freak out, call her, beg her, cry, send flowers and she completely blocks me, threatens a restraining order. Then I start NC and 3 weeks go by. During that time she contacts via text about 6 times (asking how I am, saying how happy she is now, how great her new bf is, asking what my parents think, etc.). I respond after the 4th text saying "I am well, focusing on me"... and then one more time after the 6th text saying "my parents are good"

 

So then after 3 weeks of NC I reach out to send a positive reminder of our good times, I say "I was reminded of you the other day when I ate breakfast at X cafe". A place we went to every weekend. She responded "yeah good times" and we start a pleasant but short conversation and I end it saying I have to run. She says "nice talking to you, have a good day" I thought it went well but then a few minutes later she sends a lengthy text saying- nothing good will come from talking to me, she is happy with her new bf, he is better than me in every way, etc. I tell her I am happy she is happy now and wish her the best. I wish her good luck in her job promotion to which she angrily responds "I got rid of you, you were my problem, leave me the f*ck alone". Then 30 minutes laters apologizes and says she is still on edge with me. The next morning she says " I didn't want this but you pushed me away and I moved on, now I am happy". Then later that day she friends me on Snapchat.

 

So a week goes by and after much debate I accept the snapchat request. I was hesitant to do that thinking she was trying to hurt me. She didn't send me any photos, but did post a mystory compilation of her and friend goofing around. The next day I then post a few photos publicly, one of myself, because I was traveling in London. A few hours later I receive a text from her- she says she hates my photo and that it turns her off, that she has had sex with her new bf and will never go back to me. I tell her it was a public photo not sent to only her (she is more snapchat savvy and must know this). She then tells me is very happy with her new bf and they are official now so "it is a done deal". Then she sends more texts saying I am an awful person and not suited for anyone. Just a lot of nasty stuff. She switches to email and threatens a restraining order, saying I have to stop contacting her and reminding her about me. Then she takes it back and says she just wants to be civil (I thought I had been). I reply via email "be happy I will never contact you again". I then blocked her accross all lines of communication. This last exchange happened a few days ago.

 

Thoughts? Specifically from girls... I've been reading that no emotion is a bad thing for chances of getting back together and she is clearly displaying emotion plus rubbing her new bf in my face. What do you all think?

[inlove1985]

I think your ex has gone to extra lengths to show you that she has moved on. Sometimes when we date a person we see their faults but a lot of time, because we are invested in the person, their qualities always overpower the faults in our heads... and it may take a break up to show both people that they weren't meant for each other. It seems like she felt extremely inferior to your ex before her, and that's something that you may or may not have been demonstrating to her, but that is an issue that she was not able to overcome.

 

I think you should move on from her... She may have lingering feelings for you that cause her to lash out or over-prove her independence to you, but it doesn't sound like a relationship that would be positive or healthy for either of you.

[SooSad33]

I say, Red flags all the way.

She has never been that comfortable with you re: your ex. She sounds very negative in many ways. Insecure etc.

 

Now, she is throwing her new guy in your face in a vengence act to get a reaction. You've done well is NOT reacting back.

Best thing to do is No more contact. Let her go vent elsewhere and enjoy her rebound, whatever.

 

It has nothing to do with you. What she's doing now is HER choice. You owe her nothing.

 

Best way is just NC so you can work on getting over her and accepting everything. Heal now.

She sounds like she could use some therapy for her 'issues'. Believe me, you do not need this.

[Kiki89]

I think you bruised her ego and this is her way of evening the score i.e flaunting the new bf, saying she's better off without you. I don't think she actually wants you back, she's clearly moved on. But she wants to have the last say and knock you down.

 

Great job blocking her on all forms of social media, don't unblock her. It's pointless and will only drag things on. You were right to breakup- she obv has insecurities...why bring up exes -.-

[Hellboy]

No, no, no, no- it's simple. This chick has snakes in her head. She's crazy so look up borderline personality disorder. They are the master's of the hot/cold, on again/off again, I really like you/I'm getting a restraining order. Masters of manipulation and thrives on attention and chaos. They are notorious for using men up and destroying them. I speak from personal experience. Avoid at all costs. Breaking up with her was the best thing you could do. Run away! Run away!

[Btmnk21]

Yeah I agree with most of what you all are saying. This is the first time I am actually hearing this too, most of these sites, are very sympathetic, sometimes too much so.

 

What is replaying over and over in my mind is her adding me to a photo sharing app, and then when I share a photo she flips out. Like what did she expect? I mean it was a setup on her part to have a chance to attack me. That's all I can come up with now.

[Btmnk21]

Therapist called my ex outright crazy...I know she's partly saying that to help, but her behavior was erratic, manipulative (hey look at these rings (points to her phone)...I don't need a ring....I want a big ring haha...when you get me a ring...I don't care what it costs...and that's just one example), and unstable.

 

I don't expect to get her back, but I would not be surprised if in a few weeks she reaches back out and/or has broken up/been dumped by her rebound.

[PaintWithLight]

Dude, why are you clinging to hope that all this bile somehow translates into hope for getting back together? It is clearly not a good match for either of you.

[Btmnk21]

Where am I clinging? Because she is unstable I wouldn't be surprised if she contacts me again. I am not waiting for her though.

[lavenderdove]

She's a volatile nut bucket. One minute she's all lovey then she's threatening you with a restraining order when she's the one contacting you.

 

You need to stay away from this girl. She sounds unstable and paranoid. The fact that she kept accusing you of loving your ex more when you weren't even talking to the ex is a sign that she's got some big weird paranoic script running in her head. Her emotions don't appear to be stable for longer than a little bit at a time, so I think you dodged a bullet here and need to stay in no contact because she is so unpredictable and paranoid. You don't want her calling the cops on you.

 

Go look for a normal girl. Let this nut bucket ex be her new BF's problem, not yours.

[Btmnk21]

She contacted me again. This time on an app called Viber, wifi calling and texting, that her and I used a few times when she traveled once. I didn't even remember it was installed on my phone.

 

She said "Hey I just wanted to let you know that I dont hate you and I am not mad at you. Sorry for being so bitter towards you in the end. I downloaded this back for Jon because he is away and I saw that you were still on here"

 

I read those messages and uninstalled the app.

[newlifedaily]

She sounds hurt and can't process it. Very easy to come off crazy during the early stages of a break up. Keep in mind how you freaked out. You did it in your own way.

 

So I freak out, call her, beg her, cry, send flowers and she completely blocks me, threatens a restraining order.

 

When you found out she was "dating" someone else you freaked out. A sudden rush of feelings came and you freaked right? You did it in your way. You are making her freak out in her way. You coming off nice is great, but to her, it comes off as you don't care one way or another. That is why she freaks out and then calms down.

 

The worst feeling is feeling like someone couldn't care less.

[newlifedaily]

She contacted me again. This time on an app called Viber, wifi calling and texting, that her and I used a few times when she traveled once. I didn't even remember it was installed on my phone.

 

She said "Hey I just wanted to let you know that I dont hate you and I am not mad at you. Sorry for being so bitter towards you in the end. I downloaded this back for Jon because he is away and I saw that you were still on here"

I read those messages and uninstalled the app.

 

I am just seeing this message, after my initial response. She still cares and that is apparent. She is still trying to hold on to some pride and dignity so she blames it on "Jon." If you are thinking of making things work I would respond back nicely to her, and apologizing for whatever role you have had as well and then unblock her from everything.

 

If you do not wish to make things work then don't.

[Btmnk21]

Newlifedaily. You're the only one to recommend responding back and unblocking her. Part of me does want to make it work, but I do not want to open myself up again to her anger. I tried being nice 2 weeks ago (sent a positive reminder of our relationship) and it went nowhere. Maybe it was bad timing on my part, but a week ago she was saying she would never get back with, how awful I am, etc. I am not sure apologizing is going to do any good.

[Btmnk21]

Thinking of sending my ex a letter in the mail. Few goals of this letter

 

a) make her miss me

b) clear the air and get some things off my chest

c) long shot- open up real communication rather than the back and forth drama we've had

 

Should I send something like RR's magic letter? She is in a relationship now so I don't know if that applies...or maybe just a short "appreciate all you did for me" message in a card?

[Shane Falco]

Thinking of sending my ex a letter in the mail. Few goals of this letter

 

a) make her miss me

b) clear the air and get some things off my chest

c) long shot- open up real communication rather than the back and forth drama we've had

 

Should I send something like RR's magic letter? She is in a relationship now so I don't know if that applies...or maybe just a short "appreciate all you did for me" message in a card?

 

Ugh. Letters are possibly the worst thing you can do short of harassing and stalking. Just a bad, bad, bad, bad idea.

[iamtheprize]

Ugh. Letters are possibly the worst thing you can do short of harassing and stalking. Just a bad, bad, bad, bad idea.

 

I would be interested in hearing you elaborate on this.

[Btmnk21]

So I never sent the letter and haven't contacted her in almost a month. It's been over 2 weeks since she last contacted me. I am getting stronger, but I still see little things that remind me of her. I really wonder if it is over since this is the longest she has gone without contacting me since the break up.

 

Today would be our 1 year anniversary of our first date (memorable since it is Halloween). Then coming up I have my birthday and our anniversary for "being official". I really wish sometimes I could go into a coma for a month and skip over it all.

[Btmnk21]

ok so here’s an update. She sent me a text last Tuesday “how are you doing?” I was in Italy at the time for work so I waited till just before my plane was leaving to respond. I sent it in the morning Europe time and I live on the east coast of US. I was not expecting a response because obvi people are sleeping. I did that on purpose to prevent a back and forth exchange right away.

 

Me (3:07 AM EST): Hey. I’m fine. You should come over to my place some night. We can cook dinner, hangout, and catch up. Brew [her dog] is welcome too.

 

Her: (5 seconds later): It’s 3AM what are you doing up?

 

Me (+1 min): I’m in Italy. What are you doing up?

 

Her (+2 min): You’re still there? I am working overnights for a week for my project.

 

Me (+7 min): I arrived on Monday and I’m flying home in a few hours.

 

Her (+8 min): Oh didn’t you do there in October too

 

Me (+4 min): No just London that time.

 

Her (+3 min): Cool

 

Her (+3 min): I’d come hang but I don’t think Jon would like that (angry face emoticon)

 

Her (+2 min): I am glad you are doing well

 

Her (+26 min): Are you seeing anyone now

 

Me (+1 min): If you are still with your boyfriend then please do not contact me anymore unless it does not work out with him. I’d love to see you, but its not right that we talk when you are with another man.

 

Her (+3 min): Ok

 

Her (+1 min): I’m sorry I just wanted to see how you were.

 

I didn't respond to her last "I'm sorry" message. Overall it was not too bad I think. Especially compared to past conversations. I am glad it stayed civil.

[CCCombs]

SOS PLEASE TAKE A LOOK AT MY QUESTION, need advice!

[Tanzi]

Urrgh!! She is so blatantly trying to p*ss you off, it's embarrassing.

 

To be perfectly honest, the contact you are having is causing so much ridiculous drama, I'm not sure how you could ever go back or why you would even want to.

 

For goodness sake, take a step back and put some space between you so you can start thinking much more clearly. Things have never run smoothly with this girl. She is emotionally immature at best, emotionally unstable at worst. Thank your lucky stars you got away with your sanity intact.

[Tanzi]

ok so here’s an update. She sent me a text last Tuesday “how are you doing?” I was in Italy at the time for work so I waited till just before my plane was leaving to respond. I sent it in the morning Europe time and I live on the east coast of US. I was not expecting a response because obvi people are sleeping. I did that on purpose to prevent a back and forth exchange right away.

 

I didn't respond to her last "I'm sorry" message. Overall it was not too bad I think. Especially compared to past conversations. I am glad it stayed civil.

 

OK, my advice above is a bit late. Glad to hear you didn't respond. She has a bf, keep on moving forwards.

[Btmnk21]

OK, my advice above is a bit late. Glad to hear you didn't respond. She has a bf, keep on moving forwards.

 

I did take about 5 weeks without replying to her. Got myself to a better place, really didn't want her back. I am still 50/50 (I know why?!) but that's down from 100% weeks ago.

 

Being a female, do you think she wants to get back or is just not curious now with my life (she is blocked 100% from me on social media) with her most recent contact?

 

I mean yeah she has a bf now, but she took like 5 days off from me to meet him and stay with him for now two months. That's pretty crazy (emotionally immature at best, emotionally unstable at worst) for anyone I think. But moreover, what type of basis for a relationship is that? This new guy must be equally messed up to not have doubts.

[Tanzi]

I think maybe she's curious. I also think she misses the attention, maybe even the drama. She is very emotionally erratic so it would be hard to tell. She hasn't really said anything that indicates she wants to change her current situation. Unless she blatantly tells you otherwise, it's best to assume she is still happy to stay in her current relationship.

[Btmnk21]

So last Sunday she texted me she and her bf broke up. Crazy, two days after I tell her don't contact me unless they break up.

 

I know I will get criticism for this, and I partly need it, but since Sunday

 

- Monday night met her for a drink. She talked a lot about her recent relationship and break up. How this guy wasn't good and used her for weekend fun

She did have a lot of good things to say about me, but did say she wasn't looking for a relationship. I told I couldn't just be friends and she said that's fine we'll take it slow.

 

- Thursday night, met her and friends for drinks. Good time. Afterwards she posted on Facebook that she believes in 2nd chances.

 

- Friday night, big date: dinner ice skating movie and bowling. Went well. Lots of laughing and touching hands and arms. Went for a kiss and she pulled away, saying we're just friends. It got a little awkward but I let pass and I think she felt bad. She called me after i dropped her at home saying she felt like i wouldnt contact her again, and wanted to meet up Sunday and next week during my birthday.

 

- Saturday AM, woke up to a good morning text with a kissing smiley face and an apology for pulling away last night. Made plans to see her in the evening before she went out with girlfriends. However she canceled because they moved up the "pregame" time. On Friday she mentioned this night out making her nervous because her friend's house is close to her rebound and she is afraid of doing something stupid when drunk. Not sure why she told this... So right now only plans to see her tomorrow and next weekend for an NFL football game.