How are you coping?

[Perfect Life]

a new month and though my break up is just 9 days in the past, I still have no hate. My time spent with my ex (it has taken me this long to finally call him that word) was some of the best times I know I will have. We both gave so much to each other. We loved with all we had. We had a blast, lived, laughed and cried together. If you're as lucky as I was, you found someone who made you feel like you belonged with them. Someone who made you forget how horrible other relationships were. I felt like he was sent for me due to all the suffering and bad luck I had had in the past. Someone in the heavens saw all my pain and loneliness and made a gift just for me, to compensate for all the rough times. And no matter how hard life had been before him, I gladly took my "gift" and forgave all the past ordeals. So when he told me that he didn't see us going any further, it hurt more than I ever thought I could hurt. I could go on and on about how hard it is to be without the person I loved the most, but instead, I'm focusing on a new month. It's been a hard week and a half and although I still cry, I will reroute my energy as much as I can to see a better future alone.

 

Please feel free to post any thoughts, good or bad of you and your ex, your relationship and how you are coping. We all need to know what has helped others overcome when faced with the same pain we are.

 

Good luck to all the loves who loved us and made us happy for however long, or short of a time we had them.

[mhowe]

I read on here a saying "Let go with love" ------ to harbor no hate or ill will, to accept the gift for the time you had it, and to not allow that which I could not control to define me or my future.

[Clinton]

Hate gets a bad rap. It can be a real help in the initial stages of a breakup and help you break emotional attachments to your ex. It's if you hold onto it that it becomes a problem.

 

I think indifference is the feeling most of us end up with towards the ex. Save your love for someone who cared enough to remain your life full time.

[sky09]

No hate here either. She left around 6-months, but we kept seeing each other thru mid-June or so. I'm still struggling big time, but have more up days than down days now. Haven't spoken to her since 8/19, and I think this has helped me tremendously.

[Brotherhood67]

I'm probably a very bad example but It's been 11 months since our break-up with 5 months NC (last contact in may).

 

Wow.

 

11 months. So much has changed, I evolved so much...

 

See, I initially fell out of this relationship with a lot of love, a lot of care for my ex. I loved her more than anything in the world and ended up sad, destroyed and completely hopeless. I wanted her to be safe, fine, happy. There was no resentment.

 

Then I read a lot, talked to my friends, explained our situation, explained what she did to me during those 8 years together. All of her betrayals. All of her lies.

 

And it changed me, profoundly. I lost myself so much in this relationship that I forgot what it is to be with someone who really cares for you. Someone who sticks by you no matter what. Someone who doesn't see you like a tool waiting to be held and used.

 

I forgot what it is to be loved and to feel loved with her.

 

And now, after all this time, I can safely say that I hate her. Not quite as intensely as 6 months ago but I still hate her. I don't think this will ever go away. However, this hate is slowly turning to pity. Slowly.

 

I pity her for what she has done. I pity her emptiness. I pity everything she does because, in the end, all she cares about is herself.

 

And like an old saying tells us "we die alone, always".

 

She is still alive. And somehow also alone, even with this new guy who, to be fair, is probably nothing more than the last tool she decided to use. And she chose to live this way.

 

I chose to live differently.

 

So, in the end, we were not compatible.

[Perfect Life]

I think it goes without saying that we all deal with this situation in different ways. We find ourselves lonely and confused, wondering if our pain will soon be over. We each have to find what is right for us to get over this dreadful ordeal in a way that is positive for our individual needs. A lot of how you repair your heart has to do with the type of relationship you are exiting. If it was a tough relationship to be in where the end was inevitable, the mending will require a different approach than a relationship that ends because of wrong timing, geographical distance, etc. In the end, learning how others cope might be a great tool in your own mending.

We are not the first person to feel this awfulness, nor will we be the last, but when it's our turn to experience it, the encouragement of others helps tremendously. Please, keep posting on this thread, these are some great, varied examples. And they help with all types of healing.