Can you love someone but think they're not "the one"?

[Tinydance]

This has never happened to me ever before and I really need some advice...I'm a bisexual 30-year-old woman and I just came out of a year and a half relationship with another woman. I started dating her not long after I was still getting over someone else, but I felt an amazing spark and connection on every level and felt that I loved her. Though she had some sexual issues due to her religious upbringing, insecurities and lack of experience, we had sex a lot and it was passionate and really enjoyable. Though I was still not completely over the previous person I had been in love with. Anyway, four months into my relationship it was like a switch had flipped and all those amazing feelings and even the sexual chemistry seemed to diminish, so I ended the relationship thinking my feelings changed. But I missed her like crazy and couldn't be without her and we got back together. Then the whole year and a half my feelings literally always kept changing from thinking I love her and she's amazing to totally the opposite. So we kept breaking up and getting back together. I know that I really love her but yet can't really picture a future together and also stopped being sexually attracted to her, though I think she's beautiful. The person I was madly in love with before her emotionally abused me, so I'm also not sure if my perception of relationships is now warped. I don't understand what all this means....Has anyone ever been in a similar situation before?

[mhowe]

She was your bandaid after getting out of the previous relationship.

When the honeymoon/infatuation period ended, it caused you to rethink the relationship.

You broke up with her because of it --- and then decided you simply don't like to be alone. So you went back.....and the cylce simply continues to repeat.

 

She isn't the one, and never was. You are not in love with her. You just don't like being alone.

[Man with Dog]

She was your bandaid after getting out of the previous relationship.

When the honeymoon/infatuation period ended, it caused you to rethink the relationship.

You broke up with her because of it --- and then decided you simply don't like to be alone. So you went back.....and the cylce simply continues to repeat.

 

She isn't the one, and never was. You are not in love with her. You just don't like being alone.

 

I have to agree. The yo-yo aspect to this is toxic and I feel you should pull the plug for good and learn to be alone when resting between relationships.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Tinydance]

Look I think you are both right and now we have broken up for good. But the problem is that honestly in my heart I do really love her. I feel more for her than any other person but also there are many things about her that I feel don't make us a good match. I think this is what's been pushing me away because she means the world to me and I do love her. But maybe I'm just not "in love" with her, as they say....But it's very hard to understand why if you love someone you feel like something is wrong....

[mhowe]

You love the "idea" of her ---- of being in a relationship and having it work.

 

If you feel there is something "wrong" and you are constantly breaking up, you are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

[jjkk]

You can deeply love someone who isn't a good match for you. Loving someone doesn't automatically make them a good match for you.

[lostandhurt]

I still the love the woman I had to break up with so yes it is possible.

 

You can love someone and not be IN LOVE with them. That seems to be the case here.

 

You put this girl through a lot not knowing what you wanted. Please stay NC so she can heal and move on.

 

Lost