How should I end things?

[aiformvp19]

To make a long story short, I've been friends with a girl for about 6 years now. We met in high school and are now both in our senior year of college getting ready to graduate (we go to different universities). From the beginning I've always had a huge thing for her, but it was quite clear that the feelings were never mutual. This was confirmed by a mutual friends of ours. Nonetheless, we got along so great that I didn't mind being friends with her, hoping that my feelings for her would erode over time. Over the next couple of years we became extremely close, to the point where we know each others family and talk on the phone everyday despite being on opposite ends of the country.

 

Fast track to today, and we've both had our own individual relationships with other people, but it's quite clear that I still love her. Over the last couple of months she ended up meeting someone who she is now engaged to and my heart is absolutely torn. I can't sleep, I can't think straight, and I don't know who I can even talk to about this. It's starting to affect my school work and I've stopped going out with friends as well. I've come to the conclusion that I can no longer be friends with this person, seeing her with someone else is just too much for me to bare. I just don't want to fall into a deep depression.

 

How to I end things with her? We talk on the phone everyday so ignoring her calls/texts would seem a bit abrupt. I've thought about waiting till thanksgiving break when I could tell her in person my feelings for her and explain why we can no longer be best friends. But I don't know, I also feel incredibly selfish, she's always been there for me, and she been nothing but amazing to me. I want to be happy for her, but every time she tells me about his guy my heart sinks. I know breaking things off with her would hurt her a lot as well. I just don't know what to do. I feel like anything I do is a lose-lose.

[mhowe]

You congratulate her on her engagement and tell her that you feel continuing your friendship any further would be a disservice to the three of you.

 

Since she has never reciprocated any feelings beyond friendship, she may beconfused....but that will be. You have no need to tell her that you have unrequited love for her.

[aiformvp19]

Is it better that I do something like this in person or over the phone? Or does it not even matter

[mhowe]

It doesn't matter --- you could even do it in a real letter. Tell you how much you have valued the friendship over the years and wish her well.

[aiformvp19]

thanks for the advice

[aiformvp19]

Also, I've already been invited to the wedding. Would it be inappropriate not to attend?

[mhowe]

She is a close friend. If you can truly be happy for her, I would go.

 

If you are going to mope all day long or get drunk and make a scene, I would avoid it.

[catfeeder]

Also, I've already been invited to the wedding. Would it be inappropriate not to attend?

 

No. Once you tell her you wish her the best and exit the scene, it makes no sense to keep ripping yourself up in anticipation of a wedding you don't really want to attend.

 

Head high.