What are the odds she comes back?

[Aeropro]

I've posted many times here and am in the 'oh, so fun' stage of no contact. I will explain everything, in as short as I can, for those who haven't read my past posts.

 

My girlfriend and I of 22 months moved in together and, only after two months, she wanted out of the relationship. I found out she was chatting with her friends about me, saying that while she cared about me as a person, would sacrifice her relationship with me for a friendship with her destructive ex, claiming that he "knew the good and bad about her". She ended up also lying to me during this phase and meeting not only her ex but another guy from her past and going on a few "friendly" dates.

 

Through all this, once I chose to move out and stay with my folks until my life settled down, she came back to me (we didn't go through any sort of NC), claiming that she made mistakes and wanted me back in her life. I confronted her about the above happenings and she said she was wrong - that she was pushing me away because I was the only one who asked her to "grow" and that it was hard. I accepted her apology, we made amends, and we began working things out. In short, things were good for about three weeks. However, after that three week period began her period of becoming distant, etc. She stopped wearing her promise ring that I got her and, since she transferred to a "cat" friendly apartment (my main reason for moving was I knew she was going to transfer apartments and essentially ditch me... I didn't want the high monthly payment by myself), she had the option of reorganizing things "her" way and chose not to have pictures of us on the fridge anymore, etc.

 

Needless to say, I knew something was up and I was preparing myself for the worst - that we weren't going to be together. Fast forward about a month from that and she did finally tell me that she honestly needed time to HERSELF, that she didn't find excitement in seeing me anymore (probably the most hurtful thing I've heard), and that the events that were coming up (my birthday, her birthday, our Halloween tradition, anniversary... all within weeks of one another), didn't "excite her like they should". We agreed to two weeks of no contact. During this conversation, I told her that if there is another guy, that she needs to tell me in order for me not to fool myself into thinking we have a chance. She basically told me that "anything can happen in life between us" and that she said the thought of losing me forever hurt her a lot.

 

All-and-all, she told me that the reason why she wanted to go no contact was because she didn't WANT ANY guy in her life, and that the problem wasn't me, but her needing space. She was afraid of commitment and wanted some alone time with her and her family. Fair enough, I said, and as much as it hurt to let go, I agreed to go no contact. Some important notes - during this time I did make a special video summarizing our relationship and how much it means to me, to which she replied, "I am a teary eyed girl right now... I love this video", and I also bought her flowers, etc, to which she was excited. Before our no contact began, though rocky, there were times in which she did have sincere excitement to see me - and we did have fun at times, though she did not want to have sex and preferred DOING things rather than having alone time (red flags in retrospect).

 

What ended up happening is crazy. Basically, she was actually seeing a new guy and continued to lie to me about it. I ended up catching her in a lie, we had a big, big heated exchange in a parking lot while exchanging things, and we each stormed out of the parking lot seemingly hating one another. What followed is me basically reaching out to her, by text and Email, telling her that I am sorry things ended the way they did, that I hope things work out with the new guy (of course I don't), and that we can still be friends (I know we can't). I basically said this because I know some people regret breaking up, and if things don't work out with the new guy (I have a feeling they won't), that there could be a chance for she and I.

 

The last few days have been chaotic, to say the least. Of course, I have a week off from work which started yesterday, and she and I were supposed to be going up north, saying in a hotel by the lake. My friends are always busy/out of town, and I really have no one to keep me company except myself. Knowing this, I was overly persistent, contacting her and wishing her best of luck for her new job that she just started, texting her and sending her a long Email, again, about why she and I have a special bond, etc. I even saw her on gmail chat and tried IMing her, to which she "hid" herself from being online.

 

I was an emotional wreck and I was basically clawing to just have some form of contact with her because I know her behaviors and that she does still care for me. Finally, I sent her a Facebook message (we aren't friends anymore), and basically summarized everything. She finally responded and we had about a 30 minute conversation through IM. The discussion was basically this:

 

-I told her I accept the fact that she wants to pursue someone else.

 

-She told me I need to do the same and that I should stop being so persistent.

 

-I told her my persistence was due to not wanting to lose her, because I love her.

 

-She accepted that and she, while she still cares about me and that she will 'never forget me', she wants me to move on and truly wished me the best at 'finding my right person' that I don't have to "bend for" (again almost taking a shot at me for not being initially accepting). This hurt, a lot, to have the someone you wanted to marry to wish you luck by telling you 'she's right around the corner, don't worry!'. My thoughts of this are that she is in in the honeymoon "getting to know" phase with this new guy, and that her excitement of that could bite her in the butt if things don't work out and she wants to be with me again. Example, he isn't what he is 'all cracked up to be' and then she is alone again with no one to turn to.

 

-I told her that, while I wish her the best, to not get caught up in the 'honeymoon' phase and to make sure he isn't trying to use her.

 

-She agreed, telling me she's learned some things I've taught her (she thanked me for this) and told me that she really, really likes this guy and that he has "already accepted me for me". Part of our relationship history was her having to lie about some past mistakes in fear that I would leave her. I didn't handle things the best, for a time, but eventually got over things - and even told her so, comforting her that things are fine time and time again. Her toxic friends, a girl I won't name in particular, always kept in contact with her, wanting her to "catch up" with them and trying to give HER advice about relationships. This friend in particular is married, has cheated on her husband, dropped out of college, and is currently in the Air Force.

 

-The new guy, I found out, is in the Air Force too, confirming that the toxic friend introduced him to her, knowing she was still "with" me. However, in my "summary" of things I mentioned how my ex told friends that she "felt stronger about her ex" than she did me. The toxic friend is the one she told this to. Obviously, the two had many more discussions after that.

 

-Note, her toxic ex bf was in the army and good friends with her toxic friend. She had already relapsed and had coffee with him, realizing it was a mistake and that I was truly better for her. However, now she left me for ANOTHER guy in the armed forces with, on the surface, similar qualities (no education, tattoos, not very good looking, a 'bad boy' type). I can't judge this guy, and shouldn't, but he is basically a 180 from myself. In summary, she dated an army guy, did a 180 to me, and now is doing a 180 back to this new guy.

 

-She basically told me that she really, really wants a relationship with this guy (after telling me she WANTED/NEEDED time for HERSELF) and that they have been seeing one another "consistently" for a few weeks. Any additional information I could not collect, as she responded with "That is none of your business. I won't tell you anything else. It is between he and I". She told me he was respectful, treated her right, and kept enforcing that he "accepted me for me". Mind you, in only a two week span I am not sure how that could already be the case... she isn't one to spill her feelings and I can't shake the feeling she is holding a grudge against me still. It feels like she has been holding a grudge because of my initial reaction to her lies about drugs/sex in the past (which again, I forgave her for... told her of my mistakes with coping with it... apologized, etc because I do regret it)... I know her friends "know" about me not "being accepting", because she is an emotional, immature person when it comes to relationships (I'm not saying I was perfect... but towards the end I did everything I could and constantly told her how awesome she was) and vents to them instead to me. So, I assuming that they have been pressuring her into making a move from me all along. I haven't even MET her toxic friend.

 

-I told her, for my own sanity, to please block ME on all social media so I didn't even have the option to hurt myself. I think this was a good move. I also tried telling her that, for one last shot (this was at the beginning of the convo), we should go forth with our vacation plans and for her to accept my company on my birthday since she isn't actually in a relationship with the new guy. This was met with "No, not at this time. The persistence is too much. I understand, but no. Not at this time." This hurt, but I understand. It is hard because I LOVE this woman and she is ALREADY moving on with someone else when she said she wasn't going to. She said that it "just happen" and that when her friend set up the date she didn't even want to go, but did (lies, I think).

 

I am basically torn. I haven't contacted since our Facebook messaging, although she said she would reach out to me on my birthday and wish me well, and I am starting my dieting/workout plan tomorrow morning. This will be my "vacation/get back on my feet" week. However, I cannot stand the feeling of not knowing if ALL hope is lost. Do you guys think this a rebound? Do you think we have ANY sort of chance at getting back together? We've just had so, so many beautiful memories and she is my first "true" love. I know that NC is my best shot at being with her, but knowing that she is with another guy right now is absolutely painful. I've accepted the fact that they will, more than likely if they haven't already (mind you this will be their second week together... probably 6+ dates/days spent together) had sex, and I just don't know if she will realize that she and I are more compatible and that this is just a "fling" for excitement, or what.

 

Also, the break up was messy. We exchanged gifts, her family defriended me on Facebook, she probably told them that I "wouldn't leave her alone" and that she was "scared". She was/is a drama queen. But, unfortunately, I love her, and I am having a very rough day coping with the thought of truly losing her. My parents/family have been telling me that she is a lunatic and that I would be crazy to get back with her, and I believe them honestly, but I am turning 26 in a week and feel I have just lost two years of my life. We had a five year plan - 2015 was "settling", 2016 was "marriage/house", 2017 maybe "kid #1". It is just so, so painful. I love this woman and I know I am wrong in doing so. I have dreams, every night, where she comes back and we move forward with our "happily ever after". I have been erratic with trying to move on, feeling that I will never find the next girl. I've downloaded "Tinder", created an "OKCupid", etc... looking for any ounce of attention (again, I know this is wrong).

 

So, aside from the fact that I am love drunk in this moment and all of the advice telling me to just do NC, move on, and forget about her (which I will be trying to do), do any of you in your experiences think there is any shot at reconciliation? And, if so, what would need to change from her end of things? I assuming that she will just have to realize, to herself, that this guy isn't as good of a match for her than me - that is what it would HAVE to be. She, like me, is kind of a "in-body" and likes being inside, watching movies... being alone... relaxing. From what I can tell, this guy is quite the opposite. These destructive "what-if" thoughts are absolutely destroying. I just kind of know that there isn't a chance but can't accept it. I mean, honestly, for us to move forward again... she would:

 

-Have to realize she was wrong... take shot to her pride by coming back to me.

-Have the courage to tell her parents exactly what happened... another shot to her pride... she's never confronted her parents about any of her mistakes EVER.

-Have to realize that the new guy, once the honeymoon phase ends, isn't what she wants (I was her last 'rebound' and we dated for 22 months... oh boy.)

-Be willing to change and truly realize that she loves me, unconditionally, and doesn't come back to me just because I am available.

 

Sorry for the long post - this is five days worth of venting.

 

*EDIT* P.S... when it came to blocking me on social media... she claimed she didn't understand why since she never updates things anyway, but did comply by doing it. We are still "LinkedIn" and I did send her a message, during the Facebook convo, that I will still "check out" some naughty pics she sent me in the past... kind of trying to be funny, to which she replied "You should delete those out of respect" and "Please just delete them". This kind of confirmed that she truly has NO feelings or vision of me in her future which hurts a lot. Oh, life. Why can it be so hurtful?

[SooSad33]

YOU have to stop going at her. Begging, pleading, etc.

She is not with you. this you have to work on accepting. Prying at her will get you nowhere and each time to do try to reach out,, continue contact, etc, you're goin to keep hurting..

 

"I told her that, while I wish her the best, to not get caught up in the 'honeymoon' phase and to make sure he isn't trying to use her."

- And YOU have to mind your own. Don't be her dad.

 

"I assuming that she will just have to realize, to herself, that this guy isn't as good of a match for her than me - that is what it would HAVE to be. She, like me, is kind of a "in-body" and likes being inside, watching movies... being alone... relaxing. From what I can tell, this guy is quite the opposite. These destructive "what-if" thoughts are absolutely destroying. I just kind of know that there isn't a chance but can't accept it."

- Yes, you're lost.. you're hurting. And annalyzing everything won't help you here.

 

IF anything was ever to happen again, it will take time.

In that time.. you need to think. >> Did I deal with what broke us up to begin with?

Did I deal with MY issues?

Am I mentally and emotionally stable now?

 

At this time you are not. You're far from it.

I fell it's time for YOU to start working on accepting & healing. This can take months.

BUT in order to do it properly, you need to STOP all interactions with her.

 

Back off, leave her alone and start dealing with YOU.

It all takes time to accept. In the meanwhile i suggest YOU do not start rebound dating. Like i said, take a good few months off to take care of yourself. Get back to good & more stable.

 

Sadly, life throws us these curve balls. There are no guarantee's when it comes to relationships.

It's all an experience, I say. Don't say it was a waste. Its part of life...

 

One day at time...

 

tc

[Aeropro]

It is just so hard to not want to move on and find someone. It's like I feel my "internal clock" ticking and I was so close to having the "happy life" - a wife, a house - kids even. Now, I am back to square one and it all came so, so quickly. Online dating has been disastrous - no one ever responds and, honestly, it is a deflating process. I am a smart, good-looking guy who always treats people well, but I feel that I am cursed with never finding 'true' happiness. I just don't know how I would even go about meeting someone new... the 'electronic' methods are just so not me... but neither is bar hopping. She and I met through work and it was perfect - I did everything right with her and we were truly in love. I just absolutely despise the concept of relationships and dating being a 'game'. It is just cruel, really. Why can't two people just be open, honest, caring, and have integrity? It takes two to tango, and I am afraid that I will never find a permanent dance partner. While I DO understand and ACCEPT that I need to focus on myself (I AM working out tomorrow... I've done so before and I know what it takes), I think dating will help... which in itself is tough since I don't even have my own apartment anymore... and I am living with my parents. I wouldn't dive into anything serious, I don't think I'm ready, but I think having someone else there, as she is doing, will help. It just seems like it is fair, but I don't even know how to go about it. I feel so, so lost.

[SooSad33]

That's fine you're starting to work on yourself, work out, etc.

BUT, part of this is also mentally.

 

You DO need some serious down time on your own to work on this. time to work on accepting & healing.

Hooking up again won't help you with that. If anything it'll probably mess you up even more, mentally.

You're right, you are NOT ready to date again, yet.

Not, til you are much more healed. You don't want to end up ruining yourself more or you're partner, do you?

So often people do this and they become more emotionally involved but weren't ready for it.

 

And don't be comparing HER and her life, or what she's doing to you.

 

As for dating, I agree, electronic is pretty weird. There are other ways. A sport, hobby, even a coffee shop.. you never know.

 

All I'm saying- is for your own best interest, take some down time for YOU now.

You need to learn how to be comfortable on your own and happy with life again, before you can manage to safely move on again, whole heartedly.

[Aeropro]

I agree - the mental aspect is very tough. Perhaps it is a man's instincts, but the fact that some other guy is entertaining her is absolutely devastating and emotional torture. I know I can work on myself, in my own way, and be a better individual as an outcome of this (which is ultimately the best thing), but I would have rather preferred being a better tandem WITH her than have to got through this again (before I met her, I had a hard time finding the right girl to start a long-term relationship with so I focused on myself. I drastically improved my physical appearance which will now be the 'base' of stint #2 which I am actually somewhat happy about. However, the fact that I am back home... single... having to entertain myself, again, makes me feel that I have taken a HUGE step back).

 

Hindsight is 20/20 and I can't change anything. In fact, I did the best I could and it just wasn't good enough. It is just tough, unfair almost, that she gets to keep "moving on" with someone towards her idea of a happy relationship/marriage yet I am left standing in the dust. That is the thought that bugs me the most. As my mom said, "she's actually the one standing in the dust - YOU'RE moving on without HER", it is a matter of battling the thought that she will actually move on without me. I guess I'm a sappy, classical guy, but I truly believe in true love, and somewhere deep down (naivety probably) I imagine a life where she and I work this out and live happily.

 

However, I won't rely on that nor expect it. I need to at least move forward physically if the mental aspect is going to lag behind during these stages. Otherwise, it will be three months from now... she'll still be with the new guy... and I won't have progressed in anything. I cannot let that happen - that is my biggest motivation. Perhaps it isn't healthy comparing things, but if it helps me in these early stages I will do so.

[SooSad33]

Yes, those 'thoughts'.... is what hurts us.

What you are doing is trying to deal with a 'loss'. That's why you're having all of this...heartache, denial, compromise, lonliness, etc.

And it will go on for a good few months.. until you can come to 'accept' and start healing.

 

I know, i went thru all of this just over a year ago. I was dealing with the loss of a 5 yr relationship and it took me a good 9+ months to start feeling any improvement.

 

So, yes, Iknow you'll be still thinking this way. I did too.

But, remember, there's no promises this is going to turn out.. just remember this.

 

I'm sorry if I'm offending you at all.

 

Take it one day at a time.

[gdgfx]

Man she really sounds like she did a number on you! Blow after blow. To be honest, you sound like you can do a lot better than her. If she 'cared' for you and 'loved' you back then she wouldn't of gone behind your back, manipulated stories about seeing other guys and generally just being a very emotionally destroying person. It almost seems like you were a lesson in disguise for this woman, in that you practically learnt her the ropes, she sounded like she didn't know what she wanted and she thought at one point it was you but whilst being with you, it almost sounds like she grew as a person. Being 25; I understand your need to want to settle down and get that sort of life like that, really that's what we all want. But at the end of the day, without sounding too harsh - it seems like you were carrying a dead weight around with you all the time, that dead weight being the woman you grew to love. Giving to her, teaching her how to love and how to grow as a person.

 

And it's true, some things are meant to work and some things aren't. Some people are accepting of one another, some people aren't. Perhaps because you seem like such a loving and caring person and very intricate in the details and depth of a relationship; maybe this gave her too much opportunity to make mistakes. You effectively gave up what you believe and wanted and she reciprocated for a while until she realised, maybe this isn't for her. And as harsh as that sounds, there isn't anything you can do about that. Perhaps she had it too easy where she felt like she needed someone who treated her a little badly, roughed her up a bit so to speak and there are women like that out there that are like that and that's hard to comprehend sometimes because you ask yourself; "Why does she want to be treated like that?" and sometimes it's the rush of being treated badly that they like, whether that's because they believe it's what they want or they are just confused or maybe other reasons. You could lay it down to emotional difficulties or it could be other things but without complicating things and trying to work why she is like she is...

 

You just have to accept that she got rid of YOU, she wanted you back and then she did it again. And prior to all this she was dating her ex AND other guys, whether it was really 'friendly' or not is all down to what YOU choose to believe but it's neither here or there now because it's over buddy, and you have to move on and realise that she wasn't for you. You seem like an amazing guy, all that you wrote symbolises to me what a caring devoted man should be like and don't ever forget that. And whilst it may be hard now, sometimes you have to sieve through all the dirt to get to the gold and life IS a learning curve and you WILL meet people that you think are the ones and as hurtful and soul destroying as the process is, it's a gift in the making because you can grow to be a better person, use your love and passion to rebuild yourself, take care of yourself and keep the values that you have now and believe me, ONE DAY.. IN THE FUTURE.. You'll come accross the woman that accepts you, that takes ALL the love you have to offer and will let it build up inside her and she'll give you the gift, of giving herself to you, for as long as you both decide to be together.

 

She's done all she can to remove you from her life. Blocking you on social networking sites and running off her ex or someone else. Now that she's done that, she's made her bed so she can lie in it. And regardless of however she thinks she's placed in this debacle; you are ALWAYS going to be the better person, the one that finishes first because from what I can see, you gave her everything plus more. And she gave you very little for a very short amount of time. And without even being honest with you, and without even cutting to the truth; she seemed to string you along whilst she worked out her options and kept you on the side incase her other relationship prospects didn't work. And because now, like you say, she's gotten in a relationship; she thinks she's safe, she's done well and she's moving on. But wait until that relationship turns around to bite her in the butt and it wouldn't surprise me if she comes rebounding back to you and what you have to do is, say NO. Make her realise what she has lost, make her realise that you ARE special and that you ARE one of a kind and you deserve better, and even if she doesn't come running back.. that is the mentality you need to have to come out on top form after these really hard-hitting times and you'll be the winner, believe me, good guys like you don't stay single for long and even if that's contrary to many other aspects of a man's life and his personality, the good guys are always set for the long-term.

 

I hope I helped and have faith in yourself, you can get through this, we believe in you

[Aeropro]

Thank you so, so much for this. Honestly I was nearly in tears. It just struck a chord in me. I am going to read this whenever I feel down. Again, thank you so, so much.

[force]

Wow. You are a mess, but it's understandable. I know exactly what you're going through. Been there before and it's strange how humans are so predictable sometimes.

 

Anyways...You're so emotionally unstable right now there is no way this will sink in until months or years down the road but I will give you the best advice I have from years of experience dealing with this ex of yours who sounds alot like my ex...

 

My ex did all the same things as yours did and I was just as emotionally unstable as you for YEARS...yes...YEARS! I hung on, did NC, tried to be her best friend, was there for her, picked her up when she got dumped, loaned her money, supported her with jobs, even gave her a place to stay. I WANTED HER BACK ALL THIS TIME!! I have to admit doing NC was the closest I got to getting her back but once she figured out she had me hooked again she became distant. She never really wanted me back but just got curious then went and found someone else and I was crushed again.

 

The best advice I can give you...is....GET OVER HER MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!! Go NC and detatch. Don't think about her. Trust me, she knows you want her back and if she wants you she will find you. I wish i could of followed this advice years ago but I thought if I just stick it out a bit longer she'll know I love her and get back w/me. Never truly happened and I wasted years hoping. She knew how I felt and wanted her. This hope never truly allowed me to find anyone else attractive and move on.

 

You have to get her out of your mind. This will be the hardest thing you've ever had to do but it will bear fruit and reap rewards I promise...Go 2 weeks without thinking of her at all. Everytime she pops into your head say to yourself or out loud "STOP" then quickly think of something else, a fun hobby, running naked though the streets, anything. After 2 weeks your mind will start to shift or re-route to other things and you'll start to feel alot better. Try it. I have done this after 2 weeks I started to forget about her and 6 mos. later I met and fell madly in love with someone else.

 

You have to close that door for another one to open.

 

Also, just remember you had 22 mos. with her. I always think it's better to have someone in your life for a little while and lose them instead of not at all. "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Some relationships just run their course, sad to say, but that's life. If your lucky it'll last but relationships are ALWAYS a gamble. You can hit it big with marriage, kids, house or you can lose with a broken heart.

 

Hang in there and just remember it's out of your control, she knows how you feel, the ball is in her court. There is nothing left for you to do. You are powerless right now. You have done the best you can to get her back and that is all you can do. Anything further will probably have negative affects so time to lay low and follow my 2 week advice.

 

Good luck

[Aeropro]

Thank you. Words of encouragement help so, so much.

[Lucha]

Wow I can really feel your pain in your post. It is very, very relatable. My gf broke up with me in december. I started dating a girl that now turns out to be a rebound (seriously, dont do that), and have recently found out my ex has moved on to someone else. It hit me like a train and I dream about het every night for the last few months.

 

I did the whole NC thing for five months but when I found out about her new gf I felt back at almost square one.

 

I would strongly recommend you not to ruin all shots at reconciliation by acting petty and needy. I made those mistakes and I really regret them now. I think you have a better shot if you just accept the BU, wish her well and walk away and go NC. Like everybody on here says you should. BUT I totally understand letting go is so hard!! I have been broken up 9 months now and still hanging on to false hope. I did however do good things for myself like working out, finding a better job, taking care of some problems I had. I think you should do the same. And while I can really relate that being alone feels awful when all your friends are in a phase of getting married and having children etc, you shouldn't have a rebound..

 

In summary I think you should def try to better yourself as a person and keep busy, and stay NC for now. Chances are things with the new guy wont last (perhaps they will but people break up all the time so you cant predict that) and by the time she is alone again and starts thinking of you again (bc you didnt contact her) you are no longer needy, and clingy. Those are your best shot. And who knows maybe along the process you'll meet someone else??

 

Good luck to you

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[thekid55]

Watch the movie 'Swingers'.

[NICEMAN99]

for a minute i though you were talking of my ex.

i too were willing to get back with her....we splited few days short 1 month ago.

she kept telling im tired and need time....time apart......I ASKED ...DO"S THIS GUY HAS ANYTHING TO DO?...to that she replyed .. common we are only friends.

really there is nobody.

3 days llater i found they have been calling each other (just on the cell 15 to 20 times a day plus 80+ texts) that besides home and work.

when i told her what i have found she got mad...and told me she is in love with guy.

even then calmly i told her......TELL ME OF A COUPLE WHO DOESNT HAVE PROBLEMS AND WHO DOESNT GO THRUGH THIS....LEST FIX THINGS UP.

begged etc and nothing.. it destroyed me again........WHY AGAIN? well this story believe it or not...happened exactly the same 3 years ago.....we were appart for 6 months and those months were the hardest of my life.

BACK TO NOW(2014)... this guy returned to his wife but they still call each other even though his wife told me....that she asked him not to talk to either of us...especially My soon to be ex-wife.....(this couple were friends of us..we met trough some friends)

what change now is that 1 month afther the separation i dont want to get back.....she will be attracted to the next shiny thing (as lostandhurt says it) its still hard...

MY BIGGEST PROBLEM WAS.....that i work in the evenings (and that since we met ) but that was for money reasons....HOUSE,PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR MY 2 DAUGHTERS,3 CARS,VACATIONS ETC.

but we agreed 2 weeks before the split..that next april i was making the move to daytime...no more private school...so thats 1200$ less a month in our budget.

i told her many times...that my problem wasnt as big as gambling or drinking.....my problem can be fix in 1 day...

1 day i work evenings and the next i change to day time. simple as that.

but she didnt want.

so no more begging for me......i try to go play golf, gym, visit some friends etc.

and even though is extremely painful.......i know i will get over her.......we been married for 17 years and toguether for 18 years....so its hard and i know its hard for her.....my kids tell me that...she cries once in a while.

SO YOU ARE NOT ALONE ...READ MY POSTS AND YOU'LL SEE HOW STUPID I HAVE BEEN.

i can tell you this.......for dont know what reason.....MY KIDS ...(WHO I LOVE ) or the failure of a marriage...the house ..dont know what the reason is.....I LOVE MY WIFE. ....but her company isnt what i want anymore....