Very powerful Tips on getting your ex back

[rapunzel]

I think what you are saying Cats, is that if the dumpee is overly cool and accepting of the break up, then the dumper thinks the dumpee wasn't that into them and just moves on with nary a thought. This I'm sure does happen but more often than not, if the dumpee does not seem devastated, then the dumper becomes more intrigued as this is NOT what the dumper expected.

 

Yes, certainly it depends on the situation. In my situation, the second time around with my ex...(where we had a mini break up and then the final break up) he was honest that he was still not over his ex. I stupidly threw caution to the wind and decided to try with him again. So when he decided to cool things in early August, that is when I agreed with him and that is when I noticed him suddenly gazing at me in adoration. My mistake was not sticking with my guns and giving him much more time and space (like 3 to 6 months!) to work on his feelings about his ex. After about I think it was 13-14 days later we started up again, and then a few more weeks later, he put the brakes on again....this time I was not so cool about it. Whether or not my "coolness" would have affected this situation, I do not know...probably not. I do know however, that my coolness the first time he told me he thought we should stop being "intimate" and I gave him carte blanche to be free, I do feel strongly that my value increased dramatically in his eyes..I saw it and experienced it (if only for a short period...

 

I tried to be who I was, I think I was successful at this. I guess no matter how you slice it, if it is meant to be, it will be. It appears I was not meant to be with this guy and much as it hurts, it's reality and I continue to accept it.

 

I don't know, I spout opinions and I'm just as confused and beat up as the next person. All we can do is our best, right? And usually our best is what happened IN THE MOMENT. We may not always look back and think it was our best but it was the best we were capable of at the time GIVEN the information we have at the time

 

I have a hard time forgiving myself and this is what I'm working on - I DID MY BEST. What's done is done and cannot be undone.

[digitaldiva]

To the OP, thanks for the links.

 

link removed AND link removed are excellent ways to put it. I hope everyone on this forum reads this and understands why most relationships / reconcilaitions often fail.

 

 

I bought so many relationship books after this break. I don't think I can buy anymore. Did you buy it? Did it work?

 

I think I love him so much I'm going to have to let him go. I can't imagine having a buddie friend dinner with him when he knows in his mind that we will NEVER get back together.

[wizard71]

The only way to get them back is to initially not look back yourself. At some point they will realise that you arent there and come looking, but only if they want to find you. Then you can begin whatever strategy you may have. Im sure this is a generalisation but its better than paying $$$ when everything you ever need can be found posted by the human beings on this board. But who actually takes the advice that works? Not many of us including me, because we think we know best, so dont usually follow the advice in books to the letter anyway. Waste of money in most cases.

[CatsMeeoow]

All I'm saying is that when this guy ended it with me - if I had just said... "Okay, I agree, blah blah blah" it would have been completely finished. Instead I politely and quietly told him how I felt. And, you know what he said to me? He had no idea I was feeling that way and for that long. He realized then how much I did care for him. Of course hearing that after just making the decision to end it did not immediately change his feelings but he said it gave him something to think about.

 

Now I need to give him the time to think.

 

I was me - by stating my opinion and my feelings on the matter calmly and nicely. Had I not... he would not be thinking anything other than the fact he wasted a year and a half chasing me. That's not going to bring him back.

 

The bottom line is that there is never a right answer or a wrong answer.

 

 

[digitaldiva]

The only way to get them back is to initially not look back yourself. At some point they will realise that you arent there and come looking, but only if they want to find you. Then you can begin whatever strategy you may have. Im sure this is a generalisation but its better than paying $$$ when everything you ever need can be found posted by the human beings on this board. But who actually takes the advice that works? Not many of us including me, because we think we know best, so dont usually follow the advice in books to the letter anyway. Waste of money in most cases.

 

I think we want to take the advice. But when we see the one we love, we get emotional. The emotion clouds our judgement then we react irrational.

 

I wouldn't say they are a waste of money. I may not have made a lot of the good choices I made in my relationship if I wouldn't have read them. The relationship would have fizzed out long ago.

[dreamguy]

I think we want to take the advice. But when we see the one we love, we get emotional. The emotion clouds our judgement then we react irrational.

 

I wouldn't say they are a waste of money. I may not have made a lot of the good choices I made in my relationship if I wouldn't have read them. The relationship would have fizzed out long ago.

 

That's when experience should kick in. We have to learn that getting emotional when we see an ex is not going to work. That's when you find the strength within you to act in a dignified manner no matter how intense the feelings are.

 

And, yes, I agree with Rapunzel. My ex always suddenly behaved in a caring/warm/loving manner whenever I gave her her freedom and acted as if breaking up was fine by me. The problem is, I always reverted back to my old self soon after and I started acting like I wasn't ok with it all.

I think this is the main reason why we broke up and got back together many times.

[digitaldiva]

That's when experience should kick in. We have to learn that getting emotional when we see an ex is not going to work. That's when you find the strength within you to act in a dignified manner no matter how intense the feelings are.

 

And, yes, I agree with Rapunzel. My ex always suddenly behaved in a caring/warm/loving manner whenever I gave her her freedom and acted as if breaking up was fine by me. The problem is, I always reverted back to my old self soon after and I started acting like I wasn't ok with it all.

I think this is the main reason why we broke up and got back together many times.

 

Why is it so dang hard?? I'm thinking of calling my ex right now and I'm sweatin' thinking about. He called during Thanksgiving and I didn't answer nor return his call. I was with family and didn't want to get all emotional. thereforee, he may not be so nice when I call him.