How to deal with boyfriend's depression? :'(

[jhie]

Hi,

 

Anyone here know how to communicate with your love one that is suffering from depression?

 

We've been together for almost a yr now and until now i am still not used to this kind of situation, I am doing every thing to make him feel better but i still feel so useless coz i can't make it happen. I am always here for him no matter what happen, I even skip work just to be by his side.

 

I am really really worried because he sometimes tells me crazy stuff like ending his life.

 

What should i do to make him feel that he is not alone and ending his life is not the solution? I think it is affecting me too (my work, my social life, etc) but i don't really care as long as i see him happy and smiling then i will be happy too. His happiness is all i care about.

[MisUnderstood9]

You can't be skipping work to take care of him. He needs to go talk to a specialist and start himself on the right medications to help him. You can try and try and try all you want but the only way he is going to get better is by seeking the help he needs.

 

You cannot let his mental illness drag you down as well, its not healthy for either of you. Devoting your life to making someone happy is suffers from depression is not going help their depression because they will see that they are ruining who you are because of themselves and it makes their depression worse.

 

He needs to seek his own help before anything you're trying to do is going to help. He has to want to be happy and for the depression to be helped otherwise it's not going to get better.

[mhowe]

First of all --- has he been diagnosed by a doctor?

If not, why not.

 

Second --- is he medicated?

If not, why not?

 

Is he in therapy?

 

You need to stop hovering, and denying yourself your life. You aren't making him happy---- you are enabling him to wallow and take you down.

 

Step back and regain your life. Tell him you are willing to be supportive, but he needs to be proactive.

 

And, for the record, my bf suffers from depression. When he is in a depressive episode, the worse thing to do is hover.

 

If he is threatening suicide, then call 911 and tell them. He will be placed under psychiatric watch for 72 hours.

[jhie]

He has crohn's disease and right now, to stop it, he is taking Humira which makes him more depressed (one of bad side effect of the medicine) but if he stop the medication, he can't even leave the house because of the bad bowel movement.

 

He already talked to 20 different doctors for the past 7 yrs and took different kind of medications but it just keeps on coming back. He feels so hopeless.

 

The doctor even prescribed Medical Cannabis which really helps him but it makes him super slow and ended up not doing anything for the whole week or months and yesterday we talked that he wants to quit the medical cannabis coz it only cures his depression for a short period of time..

 

He told me that I am the one who makes him feel not alone and he even asked me if i wanna move in with him and we will get a dog together.

 

I feel like it is affecting me too and what more if we move in together?

[mhowe]

My college roommate had Crohn's disease (meaning it's been around for 25+ years). There is more than one med to treat it.

 

He needs to remain proactive. Find another doctor, try mediation and exercise, etc.

 

You moving in with him is a really bad idea. You getting a dog together is another bad idea. He cannot take care of himself, let alone a pet.

 

And you moving in enables him further. He is an adult. He needs to take care of himself.

 

I am supposing he isn't employed? Is he on disability?

[jhie]

He is not employed and still relying on his parents. He is 30 now.

[mhowe]

I think that it is time to leave this young man to his parents....and move on. You are young and have your entire life ahead of you.

 

He seems content ---- and while many people have productive lives with both Chron's disease and depression --- he does not seem motivated to change anything. In fact, he seems intent on pulling you into his spiral.

[HeartGoesOn]

He is not employed and still relying on his parents. He is 30 now.

 

How is paying his rent/mortgage?

 

Also, you can encourage him to seek professional help, but the rest is on him. This is not being cruel, rather it's showing him that you can't be used as an emotional crutch.