Recently ended two year relationship and want to get back.

[Marelle]

For starters, I'm the one who broke up with him and initiated NC. It's only been two days now and I'm already so devastated and feel like I made a huge mistake.

 

When I broke up with him, I never intended for it to be forever. We've been on and off twice in our two years together but it was never more than just a "one week break" that I would give in and start messaging him 3-4 days later. All these times we've been on breaks, even for this break-up, it was because I felt very insecure and jealous. I would take a lot of things that he did very personally and it would effect me greatly to the point that I would always think it's better off to be apart rather than fix things. I never really worked on any of my issues either.

 

Some of the things we argued about would be little things like him wanting to hang out with his friends without me or talking and hanging out with a female co-worker/friend, even something so simple as messaging an ex on Facebook who he's now friends with. We've discussed all these problems before and he would always reassure me that he loves me and that if I felt like what he was doing was hurtful, he didn't mean for it to be, that it was all just problems I made up in my head (which is true, I would always over-think things and never talk to him about it until one day it blows up in both of our faces).

 

Anyways I finally ended it because I just felt like I'm was being so dependant on him and it's holding me back from getting my life back together. I haven't been doing anything for 6 months now, including school or work, just because I've been feeling so unmotivated and hopeless. But just today I called the school to register myself and made an appointment to see my family doctor in hopes I can start some kind of counselling.

 

My major concern is that once I'm back to being myself, I definitely do want to try and make things work again with him but I'm afraid that he won't trust me again because I've already hurt him so many times. I made him wait for me time after time and I'm so afraid that this time, he wouldn't come back to me.

 

I'm also wondering how long I should keep NC for? I've had thoughts of messaging him already, ask if he can be with me while I'm going through counselling but it would just lead back to me feeling dependant on him again so I haven't. I feel like a month would be a good time? Because I'm also afraid that if I wait too long to contact him again, he'll be seeing someone else. And like I said, I never intended this break-up to be forever, just enough time for me to figure things on my own.

 

This is my first relationship ever so I've never felt what it's like to be broken up with someone. It's been really hard lately, I can't stop myself from crying and feeling regretful so any advice to help me keep my mind occupied and how to keep up NC would be great.

 

Thanks!

[Brotherhood67]

When I broke up with him, I never intended for it to be forever.

 

Hum... Do you see what's wrong with this sentence ?

 

A break-up is a real decision, with consequences. Breaking-up and making-up constantly IS a toxic behaviour. And will get you two absolutely nowhere.

 

In the end, what you're experiencing is withdrawal from being with him, like a junkie who gets rid of drugs. It will get better with time. And you're probably afraid of being alone.

 

Stick to NC and let this one pass. It's over.

[panther]

You can't just break up and get together again repeatedly just because it suits you. I wonder why he allows you to do this to him.

 

Yes, the problem here is you and only you. He has a right to hang out with his friends and not wanting you around all the time and he is entitled to have female friends. If he never did anything to break your trust, you have no reason to stress about these things.

 

It doesn't matter with whom you are in a relationship with, you will always have these trust problems because you are so insecure. So the next relationship you'll have, will have exactly the same problems as the current one, because they lie in you.

 

If you want to have him back, I would talk to him ASAP and make sure you promise that this is the last time ever you do this to him. If you're lucky, he will take you back (again). But maybe he won't.

And I promise you if you continue doing this, there will be one day where he will not take you back anymore. You are taking and advantage of him and his patience and it won't last forever.

Staying in NC for a month and then get back makes absolutely no sense and you will not benefit from that at all. So I would try to fix things as soon as possible and hope for the best.

 

And obviously, make sure you start working on your issues and do your own things outside the relationship.

[Edmund Exley]

You break up with me and its forever.

 

Learn from this.