30 Something - Dating Again

[tosing]

I divorced six years ago. Is it true that times have changed and women now ask men out? If this is true, how do men like to be asked out? I read recently that if a man is interested in you, he will make sure you notice him. Which is true?

[annie24]

nope - some things never change. Sure, you can ask a guy out, but it's been my experience that relationships are always better when the man pursues you. Yup, if he likes you, he'll let you know. Good luck!

[Mentor]

I love it when a girl pursues me and asks me out. Once this led to a 7-year relationship, so in my opinion there is nothing wrong with asking a guy out

[ShySoul]

The idea that men have to do the asking is old fashioned and silly. I like most old fashioned ideas but don't get this one. If you are interested in someone, let them know. It doesn't matter if you are male or female, going up to them is better than waiting around and hoping the person comes up to you. Some guys will let you know, others may be nervous or shy. So if your interested, approach him. And do it in the same manner you would like to be approached. Guys and girls aren't as different as they are made out to be.

[OnceAgain]

Depends on the man. Sometimes some guys are so scared to ask you out so they give you hints. I used to be involved in something like that and we went around giving each other hints until I just told him "just ask me already!!!!". I don't think it is bad to ask a man out but once in a while it would be really nice to be chased by a man too.

[nanomyte]

I'm usually the shy type, but I'd been getting better at approaching women while I was single; however, both of my wives came after me. I've found that most women want you to chase after them, but I think if the person they want doesn't chase after them, then the women will give chase unless both people are too shy and then a friend is usually involved.

 

Having been thrust into the singles crowd at age 27 after spending about 6 years with someone, I can tell you that this is an age dependent thing as women about 24 or 25 and older are much more likely to ask a guy to dance at a night club than a woman who is around 21 (at least from my personal experience). Somewhere in the mid to late twenties people's priorities change (wanting to have fun changes to wanting to find a mate) or so my psychologist friend told me when I was suddenly single, and I guess this may have something to do with women asking men to dance.

 

That's my two cents. I hope it helps somewhat.

[CarterJonas]

Yes I have to admit that I get asked out by girls as much as I ask them out. I think it is kind of cool that the woman has the confidence to approach you and ask you out!

 

As I am older now I like to give everybody a chance of a first date.

[MetalJoe]

I think it's great if a woman asks a guy out. I was really flattered when it happened to me, and every guy I know has felt the same way when it's happened to them.

[annie24]

I'm sure that they guy is flattered when he is asked out - no doubt. In my dating experience, I've just found that whenever I've asked out the guy, things just don't go very well - things don't usually go past the first or second date. Things go a lot better when the guy does the asking out - it leads to a better relationship.

 

But, that's just my experience. Everyone is different.

[nanomyte]

Well, the two women that I married went after me. The first when she was 17 and I was 21, and the second when she was a hair shy of 23 and I was almost 28. However, if you look at my main post in the relationships section, you can discover my success rate. ;-)

 

I'd say, not to be afraid of asking the guy out, or get really good at coaxing the guy to ask you out (my current wife's play of "You know, you can kiss me if you want" after we had been talking for hours at a night club struck me as kind of funny, but it worked. Take that with a grain of salt though as my wife is a sex addict.).

[traz]

I'm sure that they guy is flattered when he is asked out - no doubt. In my dating experience, I've just found that whenever I've asked out the guy, things just don't go very well - things don't usually go past the first or second date. Things go a lot better when the guy does the asking out - it leads to a better relationship.

 

 

Well, that seems logical. If you ask someone out, there's a chance that they don't really like you, but they'll give you a chance of a date. Which means, the odds are already against the relationship getting very far.

 

however, when a guy asks YOU out, its already given that he likes you, so the odds of the relationship progressing are better, beacuse he already likes you.

[nanomyte]

Ummm, that holds true in the reverse for a man asking a woman out, and guys take that chance all the time, so why not women?

[annie24]

Because only a lazy guy wants the girl to do all the hard work! Sure, some guys don't have a lot of self-confidence, that's why they don't ask girls out, but who would want to date a guy like that !?! I'm just saying, every marriage that's lasted that I know of started with the man pursuing the woman. I'm not saying that the reverse isn't true, but I haven't heard any of those stories. I think that most men like a challenge and that they enjoy the pursuit - it's just how they're genetically wired.

[nanomyte]

In my case, it's not that I was too lazy to ask the people that I ended up marrying out. I figured that my ex-wife seemed too young (and I was right), and I figured that my current wife wasn't my type (which I'm not totally sure if that was right or not). Either way, I got along well enough with those people to marry them. Perhaps the guy just doesn't have the right first impression of the lady, and it's up to the lady to change his mind. I know women like a challenge.

[wlfpack81]

nope - some things never change. Sure, you can ask a guy out, but it's been my experience that relationships are always better when the man pursues you. Yup, if he likes you, he'll let you know. Good luck!

 

Since it's the 21st century and women are now independent and all why can't women once out of 10 times ask the guy out if they really like him? I mean come on, or are you all scared of the rejection, hurt egos etc. that guys have to go through when a girl crushes their hearts?

[annie24]

I'm just speaking of my own personal experiences. I have asked out guys plenty of times, but it's never led to anything beyond a first or second date. I remember one guy that I asked out for coffee - his response was, "Sorry, I can't handle a relationship right now." Another one said, "I really don't want a girlfriend right now." (All these responses to a date for coffee! It's not like I was asking them to move in with me.) I asked another out for a movie, he said sure, and when I called to reconfirm the time - he never picked up! Well, it turns out he was on christmas vacation cross-country the day we had set for the movie - he just "forgot" to tell me he'd be on vacation.

 

I just asked out a guy two months ago for a drink. We chatted, I thought we had a nice time, I never heard from him again! He just vanished! It's not just these 4 - I have plenty other stories just like these. I don't have a single "I asked him out and it turned into a good relationship" story.

 

Trust me - I'm a strong, independent woman. It's just been my experience that I like a guy and I ask him out, I may get a date, but not a relationship like I'm looking for. Waiting for the guy to ask me is what works for me.

[MetalJoe]

annie24, sounds like the sort of responses I get! I'd be really flattered if a woman actually took the effort to ask me out, rather than turn me down.

 

I know quite a few happily married couples who started out when the woman made the first move. I personally don't see it making any difference as long as someone makes the effort to start things off.

 

Hope you have better luck in the future.

[wlfpack81]

annie24 sorry for those bad responses you got but guys go through that all the time as well from girls. At least you, unlike most women, knows what it feels like to be 'let down' and maybe can have a good appreciation for what some guys go through (not myself personally b/c I'm too chicken to ask a girl out lol).

[nanomyte]

Just to echo the thoughts of the other guys in here: How many good relationships do you have compared to the number of guys that you turn down when they hit on you (or dates/bfs that end after only a short time)? Then again, perhaps you just need to hone your skills at determining which guys wouldn't be put off by a rather forward woman.

 

The women asking guys out really is an age thing. Women start to do it more starting in their mid to late 20's. Even when I tried online dating it was the women who were in their mid twenties or older that initiated first contact with me. The age thing has been one of personal experience for me, but it was also confirmed to me by a friend of mine who counsels other people.