The Reacher and The Settler arguement

[MisUnderstood9]

So Fiance and I were re-watching the "How I Met Your Mother" series from the last little bit and last night "The Reacher and The Settler" episode came on and it started a conversation about whether or not it is a valid point to relationships.

 

We both agreed that in some circumstances it is and some there isnt.. example: "hot girl goes for the nerdy guy because she's sick of the douche's that are the "hot guys"" -- we have a few friends that are this example.

 

In my relationship we kind of came to a conclusion that we are equal -- equally intelligent, equally good looking, equally successful -- so its not that we are reaching above our means (say poor to richer) or settling for below the standards...

 

I dunno... Do you guys think?

[and so it goes]

I think you guys need something else to do. Those kind of conversations can lead to places you might not want to go.

[Edmund Exley]

I think that once you stop searching in certain natural selection gene pools and expand your horizons to all human beings, you have a much better chance at finding compatibility.

[MisUnderstood9]

I think you guys need something else to do. Those kind of conversations can lead to places you might not want to go.

 

LOL, we have conversations like this all the time about stupid things. We are both debaters (we were both in our debate club in highschool) so we like conversations pieces that can strike up a good debate for fun. We never take them personal or serious.. this one was definitely just for fun.

[Batya33]

I think that a person who actually believes in those labels and uses them as guidelines (or even more strenuously) to find a long term partner is going to regret it, big time, later. The real challenge is to commit to an individual without preconceived notions of "because he looks/dresses a certain way he'll treat me better than a hot looking guy".

[littleL_RN]

My husband and I had a similar conversation watching that episode! Haha. It sounds cheesy, but we both had sentiments like Edmund and Batya. Neither of us gave any thought about where the other stood relative to intelligence, looks, income, etc. We just knew it clicked and didn't question it.

 

The comparison game, especially with your own significant other, is a slippery slope.

[laninaperdida]

Everyone is a cliche and a stereotype.

They just refuse to admit it, but in reality, people aren't really all that special and their relationship falls into any of the few widely known categories, such as Reacher/Settler.

Same goes for personality types.

There really aren't that many different kinds of oeoole... Everyone will respond to the same situation in one of a few ways.

There's some overlapping, but in general, people aren't as unique as they'd like to think they are.

 

I only become the Reacher when I'm looking to get stuff or move forward in life.

I'm way to narcissistic to actually stay in a relationship like that.

I have to be the one who settled... Gives me power.

I like being adored, I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough or someone is out of my reach forever.

I don't like to take it to the extreme, though,

I search for equality in most areas except physical appearance,.. I have to be better looking, but my boyfriend can't be ugly.

It's a superficial thing, but it really does well in power struggles.

 

Random, I prefer nerds, but can't find any I'm attracted to so I always choose a nice good looking guy.

And short, lol.

I'm tall, yes, but it always get serious with guys a touch shorter than me.

I admittedly like to play the dom role in certain things,

[SpottiOtti]

^^^ I admire your honesty, Lanina.

[IAmFCA]

My husband and I had a similar conversation watching that episode! Haha. It sounds cheesy, but we both had sentiments like Edmund and Batya. Neither of us gave any thought about where the other stood relative to intelligence, looks, income, etc. We just knew it clicked and didn't question it.

 

The comparison game, especially with your own significant other, is a slippery slope.

 

This is how my experience is currently, with my new guy. With everyone before, though, I knew how we compared.

 

Like you (only my thing is new) we just click. I haven't got any idea how we would stack up.

[notalady]

I'm like you, I like being the settler. The only thing I'm settling on really is looks. I would never say this to the partner of course, and I would obviously still have to be attracted to them.

[Batya33]

If you're an individual willing to discover the special and unique in other individuals you quickly learn that the cliches/stereotypes deserve to be thrown out the window. If you're not and are content to label people then it's a self-fulfilling prophecy -you'll only focus on those aspects of the person the fit in the box and not be up to the challenge of discovering the new and the special. It takes more effort, creativity, out of the box thinking but I think it's worth it and I think people we care about are worth that level of attention.