four weeks NC finished

[GenoGeno]

Well, it's been four weeks since i saw my ex taking a liking in some other guy while hanging out with her, and told her i couldn't be friends with her because of that. Given she didn't put up much of a fight when I said that. Basically, just told me just because she's talking to this other guy, doesn't mean i need to stop talking to her.. she enjoys our friendship, but understands if i didn't want to be friends. So I walked with no intention of looking back, didn't even message her back after that.

 

two weeks into no contact she sent me a quick text, which i ignored because i told her I was walking away. The text kind of made me angry because i told her what the deal was, so I don't know why she'd send it. Regardless, i got over it. She probably won't send anymore after that.

 

It's been two weeks since that last text and I'm sitting at four weeks now. I'm proud of myself because I'd always succumb to this girl before since i do really care about her, but I won't be a secondary option. I still think about her basically everyday and I get annoyed that Facebook has a last login time stamp.. because I always end up looking at it, but i haven't gone to her Facebook page once since I initiated walking away. I hope she comes to her senses or I get over this quite quickly.

 

I'm doing a hell of a lot better this time around than the first time she broke up with me in 2010. So i guess you do get better at this type of thing after realizing that contacting them in any way at all is completely detrimental to yourself.

[Brotherhood67]

Man, you need to block her right now. For good.

 

She just wants to fool around and doesn't care about you - all she cares about is the attention you give her. And she will find another person to do just that in the future (if it isn't the case already), except she ' ll develop romantics feelings for him and kindly tell you to go away when it happens.

 

It's over for 3 years, why do you want to punish yourself with this ? Why do you want to suffer for nothing ?

 

I'm sorry but she broke up with you 3 years ago and you didn't talk for 3 years ! Your relationship died and you buried it. Why this need to excavate some corpse and beat yourself with a shovel while she simply enjoy herself without really caring for you (for the record : this text was probably sent because you released the attention you gave her, it's not about you. Pretty sure of it...)...

 

Block her now and feel this void in your head : it's called freedom. And it's good.

[browneyedgirl36]

Great points. I think it's been FOUR years since their original relationship ended, though -- since 2010. All the more reason to take this advice. If a relationship of mine ends, and I don't hear from the person for that long, I assume it's over. Granted, I did hear from one guy NINE years after he dumped me -- and he was attempting to re-kindle, after all that time of NC -- but it had been so long I had forgotten about him.

 

Geno, it might be good to ask yourself -- and answer, honestly -- why you've never totally moved forward from this, why it was so easy for her to get under your skin again. After four years, it seems you would have put this to rest, especially with all the NC. What is stopping you from doing that? This is something you need to explore.

[GenoGeno]

Well to be fair, I honestly didn't see this coming. Like I said we talked a lot over the last six months and things felt like they where going in the direction I hoped. I did choose to walk away instantly when I found out what the deal was and haven't even thought about contacting her in any form. I don't know why I care about her so much... I think a huge part of it is knowing just how much I hurt her back in the day. The guilt of knowing I really hurt someone bad that meant so much to me. I completely tarnished her trust, and I just felt like over the last six months I had rebuilt it a bit. I guess that is the other reason. I have tried so darn hard while back in contact to be the most stand up guy I can be and I feel like I failed still. I just feel really crappy about it.

 

Can you really blame me for talking to her for six months though? Things where great. It felt just like old times without the fights. Some people always have a small sliver of hope that their ex's would come back at some point in time and everything would work out. It honestly looked that way to me, and I know the effort I was putting in was very real.

 

I'm just feeling stupid for believing that what I wanted for so long was actually happening. I honestly feel a lot more insulted and let down by her this time than when we where dating. Last time I was a jerk , I deserved it. This time I did nothing wrong. I just needed to vent. Going six months to find out it was nothing crushed the ego a bit, that's all. I have no intention of breaking NC now that I know she didn't have any intention of getting back together. I probably should have just asked what the deal was sooner, but I didn't wanna scare her off at the time.

[Brotherhood67]

Man, don't forget this simple fact : 3 years ago, she fell in love with who you were back then. So it's no surprise she didn't react the same way with your kindness now.

And anyway, she didn't let you down per se, she simply had a good time with you like an EX. You were the one having a secret agenda, not her.

What you need to understand, however, is why you feel this need to "make things right" after 3 years. You maybe broke her heart back then and time made her heal. It was 3 years ago. It's over. For God's sake, you spent half of that time with her as a couple.

I recommend therapy for that because, to be fair, having such huge expectations to get back together after so much time is not sane and will make you suffer in the future if you don't put an end to it.

Leave her be, she turned the page on you and probably on what you did to her. And acting out of guilt is something you do for yourself, not her. You don't need to do it and, most likely, she doesn't care anymore.

She probably ranked you up as the greatest a**hat she ever met after your break-up for a while then it slowly faded away, like all things.

What you're doing is obsessive and you should stop. You're the one suffering.

[Brotherhood67]

Great points. I think it's been FOUR years since their original relationship ended, though -- since 2010. All the more reason to take this advice. If a relationship of mine ends, and I don't hear from the person for that long, I assume it's over. Granted, I did hear from one guy NINE years after he dumped me -- and he was attempting to re-kindle, after all that time of NC -- but it had been so long I had forgotten about him.

 

Geno, it might be good to ask yourself -- and answer, honestly -- why you've never totally moved forward from this, why it was so easy for her to get under your skin again. After four years, it seems you would have put this to rest, especially with all the NC. What is stopping you from doing that? This is something you need to explore.

 

NINE YEARS ?

 

Wow.

 

Some people are slow - thinkers ^-^

 

And what did you do when he came back ? What did he want ? To get back together with you ?

[browneyedgirl36]

NINE YEARS ?

 

Wow.

 

Some people are slow - thinkers ^-^

 

And what did you do when he came back ? What did he want ? To get back together with you ?

 

Yep -- NINE. He dumped me in 2004. OK, wait -- that's only eight! He got a new girlfriend right away -- I think he dumped me for her, really. I (stupidly) kept in contact with him from time to time, for about six months after he dumped me, just a few e-mails here and there, with barely any response from him (again, stupid me). Finally, he wrote to tell me he was with someone he was "really happy with" and so on, claiming he still wanted to be "friends" with me (yeah, right) and that we should have coffee sometime BUT his schedule was really "crazy." I wrote back, telling him there was no need to have coffee -- or be "friends" at that point -- and wished him well. He wrote back, telling me he hoped to see me sometime in the future, to which I never responded.

 

Fast forward to 2012, when out of the blue, he wrote me, immediately asking to meet up. Really?! Eight years of nothing, and now he's contacting me? I wrote back, telling him that I didn't think it was a good idea. He said he understood, and that maybe we could do it sometime in the future. Over the next year, he e-mailed me a few times a month, each time asking me out -- always to "date" like things -- he wanted to take me to a professional football game (American football -- not my thing at all), to dinner, to the movies -- he wouldn't give up! Each time, I declined, and he'd let it go for awhile, then ask again. In the meantime, I searched him on Google and found out he was -- or at least had been -- married. When I asked him about it, in an e-mail he LIED to me, by omission at least, telling me he was "solo" (whatever the heck that means!) He wouldn't acknowledge ever having been married, but I KNOW he was. According to what I'd found out online, as of a few months prior to his first contact with me, he HAD been married, so either he'd gotten a quickie divorce (not likely where we live) OR he was still married, but separated. Either way, I didn't care; I wasn't interested to begin with -- he had broken up with me in a cowardly and dishonest way, and his not being forthcoming about his marriage/former marriage just put the last nail in the coffin. After rejecting yet another invitation from him, I went on vacation, and as soon as I got back, there was another e-mail. I ignored it. Then another after that, which I also ignored. I don't normally do that, but...he just wasn't getting it, and he wasn't honest with me -- kept saying things like, "I know it's been a long time, but I just want the opportunity to make you laugh and see your beautiful smile again." UGH. It's funny, in one of his e-mails he even said to me, "I feel very fortunate that you even responded to me." Fortunate indeed. My take on it was that he was recently separated/divorced, lonely, and just hitting up old girlfriends to see who might be interested. No thanks!

[GenoGeno]

I dunno man, I don't think it's obsessive to be honest. I had completely forgotten about her until she rehashed contact with me... she honestly texted and called me first for 3 months without me initiating once... after that i started to slowly initiate texting and calling. It felt like the start of something completely new to be honest. People change a lot in that amount of time, and I can't say it wasn't nice catching up with her, because it was.

 

You're right, she didn't really do anything wrong, and that's why there were no hard feelings from either of us... I know she feels bad because she told me she does, but that's not going to make me want to keep contact up. I think I'm handling all this pretty well, but some days i just kind of wish I wasn't a jerk back in the day. That's all.

 

Everybody holds some regrets here and there, and that is one of mine. However, I think telling her that I was starting to develop feelings again and saying it's not a good idea we stay in contact, but it was nice catching up was the best thing I could have done. She knows I care. I know she knows. The terms have been made, and now i just go on living my life. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. Doesn't matter.

 

She's not a toxic person really, she's actually quite nice. She just doesn't trust me fully and I don't really blame her. I actually did go into all of this as just wanting to be friends as well, but i kind of ended up getting feelings again and she didn't haha. Funny how that works.

 

 

Yeah nine years is a long time browneyedgirl36, that's actually pretty crazy that some people can stay in peoples memories for that long. If you guys had a good relationship but broke-up under some circumstance i could totally see people doing that. I'm sure it happens all the time. I'm actually surprised at how persistent he was after nine years... you'd think pride would kick in after you said no twice haha.

[Ms Darcy]

It's just a lesson that you can not really be friends with the ex. Stay the course and you will move on.