Ex is dating my friend, rock bottom

[UABJC]

Yeah I did feel really passionate about her during the first 1-2 years, I actually thought she was the one during that time. I think I even brought up marriage during that period before she did. We had so much fun together during those first 2 years that it was almost blinding to how I really felt about her. Everything just fit, i meshed with her friends and family so well and she did the same with mine, etc, etc. But it sort of changed when it came time to act on it, meaning get engaged. We were getting to the age where all of our friends were getting married (about age 27-28, we are both 29 now) and that's when the uncertainty began to be more and more present. At first I thought it was just a commitment thing with me, but I actually went to a therapist for that while we were still together and really think I worked past any commitment issues. But my uncertainty was still there. I read marriage books, and learned all about infatuation and how it fades, and then what long term love is. I read over and over but it didn't change the way I was feeling. I just hate it because I want someone just like her, exactly like her, but I also really want to feel drawn to the person, to WANT to do nice things for her. Oddly, I didn't want to go buy her flowers and things like that. Even after multiple times of her telling me that she loves flowers, I just still didn't WANT to do those things. It was strange. My love for her didn't seem to be at a level that I thought was necessary to work through the inevitable difficulties that marriage brings. I thought if things got rocky in our marriage, when kids came along or whatever the situation may be, I wouldn't be able to rely on the love I had for her, because I didn't think it was strong enough. I was afraid that, in that example, I would think oh gosh I've married the wrong person instead of I love this person more than anything so lets figure it out.

 

I am feeling less down this week about her being with my good friend, and am sort of back to where I was prior to discovering that news. Which is still being sad that it didn't work out with her b/c she is so great, but still unsure that if she came back today that I could put a ring on her finger without having any significant doubts that it was the right thing. Thanks for your reply.