My ex boyfriend (who I am friends with) is going to harm himself over a girl?

[Abc1234]

I dated this guy in highschool. Anyways, we broke up but remained friends and text each other time to time. I'm now a junior in college, I dated him when I was 15-17 years old. Anyways, he's sort of making me feel worried about him.

 

He was texting me earlier thinking I was mad and didn't want to speak. But I did and he told me he has been depressed lately. He didn't want to say why because it was a relationship problem ( probably didn't want me to be jealous since I'm his ex) but once I mentioned I had some of my own he spit out everything. Telling me he dated this girl and her family thinks he's the one their daughter should marry. Then he tells me she breaks up with him for another guy. Eventually she starts talking to my ex, I guess her ex too again. She doesn't know what she wants. My ex was in love with this girl. He told me since being with me nobody has made him this upset. He smashed his iPhone 4s because of her. She went too far asking him about his childhood and he won't tell her because it was a bad past he doesn't want to re-live (i only know since I was with him when he went through stuff and was his gf at that time). He texted me he almost crashed his car because of her and also said "I dont matter neither does anything else "

 

Is it wrong I'm worried? I'm afraid he might harm himself over one girl. He's depressed , broke his phone, now almost crashed his car. He told me he's going nuts at the moment... I still care about him.... as friends.

 

I keep telling him one girl shouldn't make him act like this. There is more than one girl in the world. The way he texted me makes me think that she's not worth all the trouble she's causing him and my ex could find someone better. He thinks he's not worth being around anymore because of her and now I'm worried. Just because we had a sour breakup doesn't me I don't care for him... as friends

[sonicfan287]

Hi Abc1234,

 

I'm not sure if I have the words or ideas to help you or your ex but I'm sorry to hear that he's going through such a rough time. I don't want to pry into his life but I'm wondering (and you may know), does he confide in other friends of his about this issue, and how is his relationship with his family? I only ask these things because while a girl has driven myself and others I know into similar depressions,it can be 10 times worse if the person feels truly alone.

 

As his ex, you're obviously not obligated to be there for him and I think you've been an extremely supportive and loving friend, one that I would've been glad to have on my side when I went through a terrible breakup just 2 years ago. This isn't something I like to talk about, but I did try harming myself over this girl and the thing that pulled me through the most was my group of friends and family and if I didn't have that much support, I don't know if I could've made it out okay.

 

My only advice is this. It's normal and expected to be worried and concerned over something like this, especially when you know the person so well, but I'm guessing it was hard for him to come out and tell you all of this, knowing you're his ex and not wanting to screw up your friendship or anything else. That leads me to think that maybe he hasn't told other people and so if you are still on good terms with some of his friends or family (or even if you're not), I would highly recommend talking to them about this and just getting a better idea of how serious things are.

 

Depression is a very serious thing, whether it's about a girl or something else entirely. You're doing the right thing just by being a concerned friend and showing him that. I truly hope he pulls through during this tough time, but a lot of it is up to him. You can try your hardest and keep doing what you've been doing but don't be surprised if things (unfortunately) get worse before they get better. I do think he'll pull through this though with the help of enough support. Keep us updated on this (if you're comfortable doing so, of course) and I'd be glad to talk to you about it more because it really is something I can deeply relate to. I actually sought out my ex (who I wasn't on good terms with at the time) for advice during a similar time

[SooSad33]

". He smashed his iPhone 4s because of her. She went too far asking him about his childhood and he won't tell her because it was a bad past he doesn't want to re-live (i only know since I was with him when he went through stuff and was his gf at that time)"

- Maybe this is why he's so hostile AND why he's threatening to self harm?

I strongly suggest you talk to him and tell him he needs therapy for his 'issue's' as it is not normal to want to self harm. There are underlying problem's for WHY he's acting out this way.

 

He's going nuts? Suggest to go our for a walk.. get some air and calm down. he really needs to ground himself.

he is leaning on your for some support but you can only do so much

 

he's hurting.. he's emotional, so he just has to calm down.. get it together.

I suggest you don't mention the idea of therapy tonight, but do it soon- when he calms down. Ask him if he maybe wants to meet up & talk.. or do YOU prefer just by text?

[3Tears]

... as friends

 

 

lol why you have to keep mentioning that at the end of almost every sentence... are you getting confused all of a sudden now? Seeing him hurting over another girl thats not you?

 

...as friends

[SophieGrace]

I really hear that you care, but you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings. Should you be worried? I don't know that are any "should's" here, but you cannot fix it and you can't fix him, and you are not responsible for what he thinks, does or feels.

 

It is truly sweet that you care about him - and I do believe you have only friendship feelings for him, and if you have the desire, you can be a friend and listen to him and be encouraging, but that's about it. This is about him - this is his problem; this is his issue. Don't get dragged into his drama and make it yours.

[kamurj]