Is he not into me or I'm just insecure???

[helllokittty]

So…I have known this guy from a dating app. Hanged out with him about 4 times now since then. I can’t tell if he’s into me or what so I kinda need help with that.

 

The thing is he told me he has abandonment and trust issues. I myself have issues too so we shared our life stories, past experiences, insecurities etc. He runs his own company in my country and he’s very much into his work. He’s 11 years older than me and I thought it’s very nice to get to know someone who’s so motivated and successful in his career. I want to hear all about his story, what he did, how he got there.

 

The first time we hanged out, I thought he was too old for me and he didn’t talk much and I thought the whole thing was awkward. But then on 2nd date, he opened up more and more about his life. He said it takes time for him to trust people and me sharing stories about my life made him trust me more.

 

When we hanged out together, i feel like he’s really into me. He would kiss and hug me and look at me constantly. He always said I was cute really cute etc. Last time we hanged out, he kept asking if I liked him. He sometimes talked about taking a trip to get out of the city with me. Sometimes he talked about moving somewhere else with me (which I can’t tell if he’s just joking or what)To me it felt like he wanted someone to talk to and some emotional support.

 

But then when I’m not hanging out with him, he barely texts me. In fact, I’m always the one texting him first. I try not to sound needy so I try not to text or call too much. Now when we’re not together, I get so insecure. I always feel like he doesn’t like me as much and I get scared for falling for this guy and after a while of not seeing each other, I tell myself to stop liking him before I get hurt (because he doesn’t really contact me). Just a basic background I also have a fear of abandonment but more intense (borderline). Now I just want some opinions. I want to hear from guys specifically. If he doesn’t call or text me, does that mean he’s not into me?? Why doesn’t he try to keep in touch when we r not together? to check in? Doesn’t he miss me?? or should I work on myself to be less needy and insecure?

 

Thank you!!

[fireflies]

It's possible for a guy to like you, but not texting. Many guys only call or write when they have information to relay. How he treats you in person is a better indicator of how he truly feels about you. The fact that he keeps asking you if you like him, tells me he's already fallen for you.

 

In a healthy relationship, it's okay to share your doubts and fears. If you want him to call and text you more, explain why that's important to you.

[panther]

You just met him. It can mean different things. My guess is that he has a fulfilling life. He has a life, friends, a job. And he knows you will return.

Things don't stop existing when you can't see them, people don't stop thinking or caring about you just because they are physically absent. This is something that is learned early in childhood.

These fears are what you should probably have to overcome. It sounds a bit like fear of abandonement, yes. Have you been told you have this by a psychotherapist? Could be just some insecurites that you can ovecome by yourself with a bit of effort and not necessairly a disorder.

 

I don't think a male perspective here is your answer.

[SoulTaker]

You're not asking the right questions.

 

1 - What are each of you looking for (friends, casual dating, relationship,...)?

 

2 - Do you want to date someone who has abandonment, and trust issues? Or do you want someone who has resolved these issues before dating? This also applies to you.

 

3 - Don't go by what he's telling you, go by how he matches up to what you're looking for in a partner. Doesn't it bother you that he's mentioned moving you somewhere else, while the two of you are not exclusive?

 

Looks like he's found a young woman he can have fun with (on his own terms).