SB1 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 It's been one year since my break up and I still feel awful and upset. 4 months ago, I found out my ex had gotten a new girlfriend, which was the worst pain I've EVER experienced in my life... I sent him so many horrible psycho messages and reinstated NC. I moved away in an attempt to keep myself busy and ended up studying abroad at a foreign university... I had A LOT of free time, so maybe this is why I'm still not over him. For the first time in a year, I hung out with mutual (but more his) friends. He'd emailed me saying that he wouldn't attend if I didn't want him to, and pathetically... I took him up on his offer. These friends kept casually bringing up my ex, but luckily asked me no questions specifically (which I was dreading). I mean we'd had 6 months of no contact, then I sent him those angry ANGRY letters and now it's 6 months later and he has a new girlfriend and lives in a new area etc... so he's 100% over the break up. My friend very pointedly asked me if I was seeing someone.... Now all of my actions taken together... make me feel insignificant and humiliated... I really have been grieving for a year (which he knows from muuuultiple angry messages I sent him) and it has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life and more than once I've felt depressed and suicidal (in fact I do now)...so to save face, I pretended I'd been seeing someone a few months ago, abroad. I feel so pathetic and annoyed that I'll have to maintain this lie. What if they ask me to produce a picture or something?! Am I stupid for lying, what do you all think? I felt I had no choice.... for the past year I've been a "grieving widow" pathetically pining over my ex who dumped me and treated me like at the end of the relationship and I hate the fact that he's happy with all of our friends, a great job and a new girlfriend... I just didn't want him to know the truth, that I stayed single bc I was STILL healing from the relationship ONE YEAR LATER. I feel I lost everything- including my dignity... and I suppose this was my way of taking things back. heeelp! Link to comment
freewill1234 Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 You're not pathetic for pining over your EX. Lot's of people have been through what you're going through. As for the lying about seeing someone else, I personally wouldn't do that but I did think about it when my EX broke it off with me. You're not stupid for doing it but perhaps you should reconsider lying about being in a relationship. You need to stop concentrating on him being happy with his life and concentrate on YOU being happy with your life. If possible, hangout with other friends that are not associated with him. Stay NC and don't send angry letters. It doesn't help you. I read this somewhere ... "The best revenge is moving on with your life." Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Why do you think you are still pining now? Link to comment
SB1 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 I have no idea why I lied... I could tell they were about to pity me when I originally said no I wasn't seeing anyone, so I just invented someone I was seeing in the past year (which I implied was now over). I know it's normal, but by now he'll probably have been with his girlfriend for 8 months and through all the angry letters he's been so nice to me, and so I just feel like the pathetic one who hasn't moved on at all. I mean within a few months it'll be his new anniversary and I'm still pining over him... I wanted to look like I moved on (even if I hadn't) and look less depressed Link to comment
bunnyrabbit Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Don't be too sad. Even if you are not seeing anyone. Be honest if you are not seeing anyone because even if you lie to the whole world, you cannot lie to yourself. Take time to make yourself super fabulous, that is, go to the gym, change your hair, change your clothes, date. Just go out with men and have fun. Set aside only 15 minutes a day to think about your ex and vent it out by writing a journal. Set goals for studies and yourself. For all you know, the relationship of your ex and the new gf may not last. But that is not important. It does help to think that way though sometimes to help with the healing process for now. After a while, you may even come to accept it and not care about it anymore. And when you have already transformed and have a new life, that's when he will start sniffing back. Take advantage of the fact that his friends are around you. It's YOUR time to shine and be super awesome in front of them. The news will travel back to him. But you, darling, should never contact him. You would rather be known as the super awesome ex than the crazy ex.. trust me.. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 12, 2014 Share Posted August 12, 2014 Can you describe some of the mean messages you sent him? Link to comment
SB1 Posted August 16, 2014 Author Share Posted August 16, 2014 I came here to find out. I spent the year travelling, achieving all my life dreams and my self-esteem (and appearance) are at an all-time high, so I really can't understand why I was still so heartbroken, with such a fantastic life, I even realise I'm better off without him. I'm going back to my old job abroad for a few weeks just to get my off the couch and doing something useful. I feel I'm now at the stage where I'm REALLY getting over it now and since writing this post I created affirmations to get over it and wore a rubber band and snapped it every time I think of my ex.... strangely both techniques have worked really well! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 17, 2014 Share Posted August 17, 2014 What do you mean you came here to find out? Don't you know what you messaged him? Link to comment
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