My close friend keeps taking him back. what should I do?

[JuggernautJay]

Yo, this is my first time posting here so bear with me and if I break any taboos that this site may have please let me know so I can avoid it in future.

 

Ok, so this is more about my friend than me. I'm a guy, she's a girl. we've been close for a while now. When she was 14 she started going out with a guy called David. I know David. He lives on my street directly accross from me. He's trouble and he has no respect for girls (which is a shame because the rest of his family are all lovely.)

 

So they got together and they've been together for 4 years. Their relationship has been very on and off and follows the same pattern. He cheats on her, she breaks up with him, she tells him they can still be friends, she comes crying to me about it, I advise her to cut contact with him, she refuses, he manipulates her into taking him back, she takes him back and then the same thing happens again a little while later. No matter what I tell her she always takes him back. She says that he is her true love and no matter what happens she will always go back to him because she knows that they were meant for each other. She genuinely believes that this is just a phase and once everything is sorted they'll be perfect together. He always blames her for him cheating and she always accepts the blame. From talking to her I've realised that she blames herself 50% and blames the person he cheated with 50% but blames him 0%.

 

Anyways, he cheated again with a girl called Emma about 2 weeks ago. Same thing happened but with a mild twist. Turns out, David isn't willing to break up with Emma but has been telling Kayla (my friend) that he loves her and wants her back and that she is the one for him. She asked him to break up with Emma so they could be together but he said that the time isn't right. Him and Kayla have been hooking up in secret. I told her that what she is doing is wrong and unfair on Emma. She said that Emma deserves it after everything she's done. My friend Sam told Emma what was going on. Emma confronted David but he denied it and says that he hasn't spoken to Kayla since the break up (even though Kayla has told me everything.)

 

I'm not sure whether to tell Emma what's happening (considering I don't know her and have never spoke to her) or to just leave the whole situation alone. Either way it's clear that David has no respect for either of them and I know Kayla is just going to get hurt again. Or I could confront David about it which I suggested but Kayla told me not to. But it's seriously taking every ounce of strength not to run accross the road and falcon punch the guy everytime I see him leave his house. (Just saw him walk out his front door with Emma.)

 

I just don't know what to do. Sorry this was so long. Any and all help is appreciated. Thanks

[mhowe]

Butt out. Emma likely knows abuot Kayla and doesn't care.

 

This is absolutely none of your business.

[freewill1234]

You've given your friend advice, she doesn't listen so your next step is to say nothing. If she comes running say "sorry, you're a grown girl, you figure it out". That's it. She's not listening to anyone so why bother giving her advice.

[t1lersm0m1]

You can't live someone else's life for them. Kayla knows David is bad news but keeps taking him back.

 

You might want to find new friends.

[JGintheOC]

I think this has nothing to do with you, as a friend you said your piece. She obviously doesn't care about your recommendation so the more you try and be that safety net the more she will continue to do what she does. She won't honestly change unless people cut ties with her and she has to fix the situation herself.

[IAmFCA]

When our friends get stuck, it is because there is something within them compelling them to keep making the same mistake over and over, until they figure it out. Most of us will be your friend, to someone, at some point in our lives. This happens to people at all ages. Just try to accept your friend and know that sometimes, we all feel compelled to make bad choices, even when we ourselves recognize they are bad choices.

 

One approach might be talking to her about topics outside of the relationship, about family dynamics, especially. You might help her identify issues that arise in her family relationships. Your conversations might help her think in ways you can't see. On her own, she might identify patterns with her family that she is repeating with her bf. That might help her understand her relationship better and so she can help herself grow out of it.

[SooSad33]

Agreed, your friend needs to realize, on her own what he really is. She also needs to come to realize she needs to have some self respect.

I suggest you do not more for her in regards to this David, loser. Let her deal with it on her own from now on.

She's just hurting herself by returning back for him.

 

One day, I'm sure she WILL get tired of his games/lies and tell him where to go.

Until then, she will have to deal with it- on her own. Takes some tough times to learn things in life.