Rock bottom. Again.

[Marlee]

I don't know how many times I have said to myself in the last few months: "This is it. Rock bottom. You can not possibly feel any worse than this." But then I do feel worse. I feel like I am just continuing to fall, like I'm losing hope of ever being happy again. I understand how melodramatic that sounds. But the pain is unbearable.

 

Last night I forced myself to go out with some friends. We ended up in a night club. And all I could think about, every second was how much I miss my ex. How much I wished he was there. The loneliness and longing for him felt intensified by thousands by being in a venue full of strangers who appeared happy.

 

It's like, three months later, I still can't believe this is happening. It feels unreal the way he just left, all of a sudden, for another woman. And I know it's pointless to think like this, but I feel 100% certain that he wouldn't have left if he hadn't met her. And it just feels so unbelievably unfair. I wish she didn't exist. When we were together I would often tell him that I felt, with him, like I had finally come home. Like I had been looking for him all of my life. He used to say the same thing to me.

 

I miss him. I miss everything about him. I really feel like I am going insane.

 

A lot of you have given me good advice here before, this is just a vent. It feels worse than ever today.

[spazmy]

Hey Marlee, I know it sounds hackneyed. But it is probably how it happened suddenly that is putting you down even now. If he could disappear like this, he is not worth your love. One day you may see that. For now, it must be rough.

[Destroyed 33]

Hey Marlee. My ex left me in the same exact way. Completely out of the blue for another guy. Complete shock on my part. I can totally relate to your thought that your ex would definitely not have left you if this other woman was not in the picture. I feel the same exact way about my situation BUT!!!!!!!...... Our ex's would have left down the road anyways for someone else so in a way the person they are with now doesnt really mean much. If it wasnt her, it would have been someone else a few months or a year later.

 

The fact is, our ex's are not strong enough or have the decency enough to break up properly. They dont have the courage to go off into the world single. Pretty pathetic when you think about it. It is a very selfish and disgusting thing to cheat on us like they have. Probably the worst thing you can do to another human being. Someone loves you and you just flush their heart down the toilet?

 

Anyways, I have been having a very up and down weekend too. Nothing too extreme but just the obsessive thoughts non-stop. It tough, but its the only way. Got to walk through the fire on this one. At least its not nearly as bad as it was for the first couple weeks (Im a little over two months out now).

 

I went out to a bar/ last night too. Just hung around with a bunch of old friends. I am horrible at dating and meeting people. I randomly got up and sat down with a few girls I thought were cute. I just sat down at their table, kind of interrupted them, began to introduce myself and right as I sat down spilt my whole beer all over the table!!!!!! It was so rude and awkward of me! I have no idea how to do it!!!!!! It was discouraging and hilarious at the same time. I talked to them for a few minutes but they eventually just walked away.

 

I guess thats the one kind of decent thing about the position that were are in right now. No shame. I dont really give a damn if I made a fool of myself with those girls and pretty much got rejected.

 

Anyways, good luck. Keep pushing forward. It is not supposed to be fun. It is not supposed to be easy. Accept and embrace it and just move forward.

[Marlee]

Thank you so much, Destroyed! This actually made me laugh. How-not-too-pick-up-women: 1) Start by spilling your beverage all over them. Awkward moment. (and pretty cute).

 

And Spazmy, I so hope you're right, that I'll be able to see that I need to stop loving him some day soon and stop blaming/hating myself for losing him.

 

I've had some trouble with my cell phone so today I went to the phone company at the mall to see if they could help me out or give me a new one.

 

So now I am certain. Severe heartache + ruthless hangover + having to deal with incompetent teenage cell phone salesman for nearly an hour = Rock bottom. The only way is up.

[spazmy]

the only way is up Marlee. At this time it may seem like rock bottom. But it is actually on your way up. Also, sometimes people fall out of love, or fall in love with somebody else. This happens very often. However, there is a responsible way of dealing with it. Basically, if people are honest with each other, the blow can be softened. I have experienced enough of this myself. My first partner left me for somebody else -- and I was deeply hurt. She came back a year later, but by that time I had moved on completely. My recent ex, and my only other girlfriend, left me, I am not sure if it was for her own ex boyfriend or for somebody else. But to her credit, she spoke honestly with me often and kept trying to dissuade me from investing too much in her. In that sense, she prepared me for the breakup -- although to even realize this it took three months of post-breakup healing. So there are different kinds of people in the world. Nobody is perfect. For instance, if my ex is back with her ex whom she did genuinely love, I cannot but be happy for her, even though it was really heartbreaking for me initially. However, my first ex girlfriend really took the cowardly way out. So I would say let time do its magic. Gradually many truths will surface which will show you why somebody was or perhaps was not entirely worthy of your love. And a big hug to you.

[Selmahood]

It's always darkest before the dawn..