Don't have guts to split up

[kellbell]

Wow, BigBelly, you are still with her??? Think of it this way, you are wasting her time and your time by being in a relationship you are extremely unhappy with. Don't you think she has the right to be in a fullfilling relationship? You are taking choices away from her and that is so unfair and if she ever finds out about this, she will hate you for it. You are a coward, as you put it, because you are not thinking in the long-term, you are only thinking about what would happen when you do break up with her. In the long term, you 2 will be so much better off, she will be with someone who loves her and you will be with someone whom you love wholeheartedly.

Someone always gets hurt in situations like this but we get over it. Sure it will take time but times heals all things. But you are hurting yourself and her by staying in this relationship. Life is too short to waste it like this. Just sit her down and tell her, your feelings changed, I don't see this relationship working anymore. I don't want to stay with you out of pity or guilt. I am so sorry about this. Something like that. And don't turn back. You can do it, you have to. This is so unfair for her and you. Take care and all the best to you.

[bigbelly2]

Just sit her down and tell her, your feelings changed, I don't see this relationship working anymore. I don't want to stay with you out of pity or guilt. I am so sorry about this. Something like that. And don't turn back. You can do it, you have to. This is so unfair for her and you. Take care and all the best to you.

 

Yes, that's great, thanks, but to be honest I need PRACTICAL advice on how to get courage etc. OR how to be content.

 

As I said earlier, other people seem to be able to do it so there must be something wrong with me. Is there some medication or therapy that I can do?

[kellbell]

Well no one can give you courage to do something or tell you how to have courage. It must come from your mind and heart. It all boils down with what you want out of life and that you want to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy, including you and your girlfriend. But your post kind of angers me in a way because you are totally wasting this poor girl's time and insulting her by feeling she won't be capable of handling a break-up and moving on with her life. Because believe me, she will get over this. But she will have a more difficult time when she realizes you fell out of love with her and strung her along all these months when she could have been doing something else. I don't know, what do you think?

[bigbelly2]

Well no one can give you courage to do something or tell you how to have courage. It must come from your mind and heart. It all boils down with what you want out of life and that you want to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy, including you and your girlfriend. But your post kind of angers me in a way because you are totally wasting this poor girl's time and insulting her by feeling she won't be capable of handling a break-up and moving on with her life. Because believe me, she will get over this. But she will have a more difficult time when she realizes you fell out of love with her and strung her along all these months when she could have been doing something else. I don't know, what do you think?

 

Well she seems happy enough and I am vaguely happy sometimes but not at other times.

 

But if I can't get courage then there is little point in thinking about it so I guess I have to just hope for fate to intervene in the future.

 

But it does seem odd that some people have courage but I have not. There must be something wrong somewhere.

[kellbell]

Vaugely happy??? You deserve to be happy wholeheartedly!! You cannot rely on fate dude. It does take a lot of courage to do what's right for you but I am not understanding why you are stopping yourself. It's not the end of the world, break-ups happen all the time, it's a part of life. But they are necassary for us to grow and eventually find that person whom we would be the most happy with, grow with, and hopefully marry. You deserve that and so does she. I am getting pretty ticked at this post because you are taking so many choices away from her. Seeming happy and actually being happy are completely two different things.

[ratherbesailing]

Bigbelly -

 

Give yourself a break and forget about breaking up for a while. Take the pressure off and go back to counseling and tell them you want to work on your self esteem and confidence, not your relationship. If you named yourself bigbelly because you are fat then work on loosing some weight and getting healthy.

 

Once you start to feel better about yourself you might actually feel better about your girl and if you don't then you'll still have the confidence to say the right things and keep her as a friend. Be as nice as you can to her in the meantime and you'll feel better about yourself in the longrun.

 

There are other women out there waiting for you. You are the only one who doesn't believe that.

 

Please rule out killing yourself as an option. I'm sure she'd rather have you end the relationship just about any other way than that.

 

If you feel like you have to break up right now or you'll just die, then just go home and start crying. She'll start asking questions and you can let the words come out piecemeal between the sobs. I don't think you'll need to fake the tears, it sounds like you've got them built up inside and it would be good to get them out. You won't need a speach or a plan, just let it happen as she asks what is wrong. You will need to go no contact for a while but try to keep things friendly.

[Gordon5k]

you can never feel satisfied with someone else as long as you continue to feel like you aren't worth much.

 

for that alone you should seek the help of a counselor...

 

however this comment:

 

 

 

is EXTREMELY disturbing. Here is a woman who cares about you and aside from some minor disagreements (which happen in ANY relationship) you wish her to be dead.

 

I strongly urge you to seek out a counselor to help you understand your emotions...

 

 

This guy has the gisst of it that's pretty disturbing Iean god the poor girl thinks you like her and your asking her dead

[striker_dude]

This guy has the gisst of it that's pretty disturbing Iean god the poor girl thinks you like her and your asking her dead

 

That would only be true if it was taken as a literal consideration.

[bigbelly2]

An update...

 

I had a massive crush from early 2007 which was ruining my life. She was attached but I couldn't forget about her. I went to counselling from summer 2007 to try and sort myself out once and for all. I became aware that the 'in love feelings' fade after a couple of years but my crush feelings were so overwhelming.

 

Eventually, in spring 2008, I decided to leave my girlfriend so I could meet someone new to get over my crush. I told my girlfriend I was leaving as I wanted to know what it was like with other women. She was remarkably understandable and gave me 6 months to come back.

 

So I got my own flat and was so happy for a few days when I was on my own. But after a week I started to feel really bad, wondering whether I had done the right thing. I used to feel bad when I saw someone attractive, knowing that I would not be able to do anything about it. However, I became upset when I DIDN'T meet anyone attractive.

 

Just after I got my own flat, I was just happy to be on my own. I forgot about my crush. But after a couple of weeks, I was feeling so bad and felt that I had to meet someone fast. I was just about to join an online dating agency but after 3 weeks I felt so bad so I went back to my girlfriend.

 

For a while, I was just so happy that I was with her again. I felt so comfortable and relaxed with her. But soon after I was beginning to think that I had wasted my one chance to meet someone new.

 

Now, I would say that I am happier than I was a couple of years ago, but there is still something within me that wants to meet someone new. I keep trying to convince myself that the 'in love feelings' fade after a while but when I meet someone attractive it is so difficult.

 

Perhaps I would only really know for sure if I was to meet someone new before leaving my girlfriend. But how do you do that? If I was to meet someone on online dating, I would eventually have to tell my new girlfriend that I was living with someone so it wouldn't work.