I don't know what to do

[acfan]

I have a female friend that I used to work with and now we are talking a lot and are at a crossroads. When I met her she had a live in boyfriend and we just talked at work. Then about 4 years ago she texted me and she came an hour away to my house to see me and we ended up having sex. She was still with her boyfriend at this time and I am not proud of this happeneing and it never happened again. About two years ago she split with the boyfriend and we have talked and grown closer, but have never had sex again. We had started planning an out of town trip and she said that would be taking it to "the next level" and that she liked it the way it is, but we could maintain our friendship either way. She still wants to go on the trip (with me paying for everything). I think she wants me to commit to a boyfriend/ girlfriend situation, but I am getting mixed signals. I want to cancel the trip and just maintain a phone friendship if sex is going to be this big of a deal. We are both in our late forties. I know I need to talk to her more, but what do you think?

[SooSad33]

" We had started planning an out of town trip and she said that would be taking it to "the next level" and that she liked it the way it is, but we could maintain our friendship either way"

- Yeah, with mixed signals, don't go any further than friendship. Remember too, often if we do go further than the friendship we have, it messes things up and risks the 'friendship' part up as well. Sadly

 

"I want to cancel the trip and just maintain a phone friendship "

- This may be best to do.

[No1]

Well, that is a tough one. Im sure there is more to this story, but if you say there are mixed signals that Im going to go with that.

So she wants to take it to the next level, but wants to remain friends and no matter what happens you two will be friends? So is this a FWB thing? Or she wants to have a try out during the trip to see if you are BF material? I think she wants to have it her way without any consenquences. She gets a nice trip out of you and she gets to take her time in deciding weather or not you are going to be her BF.

Now, just to remind you, she cheated on her BF with you, so do you think she wouldnt do the same thing with you?

If you are getting mixed singnals then talk to her. Dont confront, thats such a bad word, just talk to her and do this before your trip. Get all of your questions out of the way. If you like what you two agree on, then go on the trip, if you still have doubts, then cancel the trip. She might be really into you or might be into the trip, you just happen to be going along and flipping the bill.