Lack of sex and intimacy

[harleyman]

Hi guys and gals, I'm posting today because I have come accross what I think to be a serious problem in my relationship with my current girlfriend. What is the problem? You guessed it, a lack of sex. It is a bit to read but I would really appreciate it if y'all stuck with me.

 

My girlfriend and I are both 22 and have been seeing each other for about 9 months now. For the first 7 months of our relationship, we would have constant sex (1 or 2 times a day). She loved sex, I daresay, more than I did. However, around month 7, we would slow down to maybe 2 or 3 times a week. Now, this wasn't a problem for me because at least it was still there. This routine would last for 2 or 3 more weeks until she completely stopped. Everytime I would try to play around with her, she would get frustrated with me and we would end up not talking to each other for a couple of hours. This is when I started researching online to see what the problem was. I came to the conclusion that her sex drive was lowered by these birth control pills she has been taking. However, she had been taking these bc pills before I met her, but I have heard about how some pills can take awhile before having an impact on a woman's libido. Following some advice given to others in my situation, I went to go talk to her about how I felt about the problem. To my amazement, she got extremely angry at me and even broke up with me! I really like this girl. I want to be able to express my feelings for her not only mentally, but also physically. I don't see sex with her like a one-night stand, but rather as love-making. However, she thinks I'm an animal for even bringing this up and says by bringing up this problem to her, she feels like if she's obligated to have sex with me. This really put a fist into my self-esteem because I don't want to force her to have sex, I just want us to everything to go back to the way they once were.

 

I ended up apologizing to her for bringing up the problem and told her how I really felt. She accepted my apology and says she still loves me, but I still don't think she really understands what I'm trying to get at. This all happened a month ago and we had sex once since then. I think about this problem every day and I'm really at an end here (to which is why I'm now resorting for the all-knowing internet people for help). I'm scared if I confront her again about this, it'll end up in another argument that may lead to God knows what. I still love her like I once did and hopefully its reciprocated on her part. I don't want to sound shallow, but this lack of sex is really taking a mental toll on me. There's even been one recent event where an opportunity with sleeping with another girl fell onto my lap and I could have gone through with it without anyone finding out. After a long debate with myself, I told myself to be the better man and resisted the urge. I REALLY do not want to cheat on her, but these thoughts are there and I cannot help but think about it! Please, if anyone has any advice for me, I'm all ears.

[BrianH46]

The honeymoon phase is wearing off. How is the rest of your relationship doing outside of the bedroom?

[mhowe]

A relationship without sex is like cereal without milk.

Acceptable but no where near as satisfying.

Since she won't discuss it you really don't have other options. Exit stage left.

[harleyman]

Our relationship hasn't changed much outside the bedroom. We still do most of our daily activities together or than our jobs. The only thing that has significantly changed is the sex.

 

My mind is telling me it is best to end what we have right here but my heart tells me otherwise. It's a hard decision and I'm basically here as a last resort

[bulletproof]

If you presented your concerns about intimacy to her in a calm, neutral manner, and she reacted by getting angry, that doesn't bode well for future problem-solving.

 

It sounds to me like she is harboring some resentment, which can manifest in loss of sexual desire. Any reason she might resent you?

 

I doubt it's the birth control, though, since you say she was taking it this entire time.

[mhowe]

Our relationship hasn't changed much outside the bedroom. We still do most of our daily activities together or than our jobs. The only thing that has significantly changed is the sex.

 

My mind is telling me it is best to end what we have right here but my heart tells me otherwise. It's a hard decision and I'm basically here as a last resort

 

Well....if you like dry cereal....

[harleyman]

I had once lied to her about my whereabouts, but this was when we weren't even together yet. However, she has held onto the idea of me being a liar everytime we fought even though I truly had stopped lying after we made it official between each other. For some reason, I've never had tied that problem in with this one...it really could be the reason

[mhowe]

Dude....she is simply losing interest.

[harleyman]

I hope you aren't right

[IAmFCA]

Relationships do not need to be this hard. Save yourself a lifetime of being told your concerns don't matter, of being labeled a perpetual liar by a woman who chooses blame over responsibility.

 

If she is in this relationship, she has a responsibility to support it. She is shirking her responsibility by dismissing your concerns and harboring blame for a pre-existing condition sort of incident. No relationship can survive those barbs, even if sex is still present.

 

Go.

[Gimpyrks]

I agree with everyone else sadly =/ I know it's really hard to hear and 90% of the people won't take our advice because they are just waiting for that ONE person on here to say "It's not over!" but I think it is especially if she can't talk to you in a calmly manner. Do you really want to feel anxious about bringing up sensitive subjects if she can't handle them maturely?

[harleyman]

First of all, thank you all for your replies. I'm not going to lie, I did come on here for hopes of some other alternative I could not think of, but the way I see it is that this relationship was never meant to be. I'll try to update this thread if anything significant happens

[Gimpyrks]

You can try and talk to her again and tell her that you can't see a future with someone who can't handle a mature conversation in a mature manner. That might be enough to see what she is doing isn't right.