Coping with the fact that GF had previous sexual partner.

[Protex]

Hey guys.

 

Just wanted an idea about how I should cope with the knowledge that my current GF, whom I'm madly in love with and hope to be with forever has had sex with her EX of 3 years, 4 times.

 

She said she regrets it and if she knew she would meet me she wouldn't have lost her virginity to him, she found out too late that he didn't love her and etc etc.

 

I'm still a virgin and I have a hard time coping with the fact that my first time, will be with her when hers wasn't with me.

 

She told me over and over again that she's sorry and that ours will mean so much more.

 

I know she was young and stupid and if she knew what she knew now she would have done things differently, I just have a hard time coping with this...

[Mentor]

 

 

Get over it. While you are doing that, help her get over it as well with a little understanding and compassion. We all have pasts.

 

Wait 'till your 34

[fallslikerain]

I agree completely with the last poster, let it go, everyone has their past. Let sleeping dogs lie.

[FiveHorizons]

"....sleeping dogs...."

 

Ironic?

[finittz]

just wonderin....is your age right!!

 

you're 16 and are gonna have sex....and ur current gf has already had it b4 meaning shes had it at a younger age???

[Hope75]

finittz,

 

Frankly, her sexual past has nothing to do with you (save for the fact that you know she used protection for your own sexual health) and isn't your business.

 

She has no reason to apologize to you. She had every right to be with her ex. They were in a relationship for 3 years, that says something about her integrity, if that's what you were worried about.

 

Other than the protection factor, you need to let this go, it had nothing to do with you and still doesn't

 

Good Luck

[Losted32flower]

Everyone has a past and everyone has things that they would like to change but simply can't. Is it right for you to judge her for it? The less experienced we are, the more mistakes we make. You said your girlfriend regretted it. So why make her feel worse about it? If you're critical or jealous about her experience, then you shouldn't have sex yet. Sex will only make things more complicated. And if you have issues now, then they'll only get bigger later. Wait it out if you're unsure.

[Josh G.]

I would probally feel the same way, Its not that Theres neccasarily a problem with his gf. I feel that when I lose my virginity, I would like to experience with somebody I love who is also a virgin, that way it is special for both of them, I dont think I would care if I was not a virgin and neither was my gf, but If me and my gf decide to have sex, I have to admit, that I hope she is a virgin.

[Mentor]

I would probally feel the same way, Its not that Theres neccasarily a problem with his gf. I feel that when I lose my virginity, I would like to experience with somebody I love who is also a virgin, that way it is special for both of them, I dont think I would care if I was not a virgin and neither was my gf, but If me and my gf decide to have sex, I have to admit, that I hope she is a virgin.

 

Do you think that the act of lovemaking somehow becomes less meaningful after you have done it once already? If you are doing it for the right reasons (the love that you mention is a good one!), then it is special regardless of your pasts.

[Josh G.]

I just think that the 1st time, would be more special if it is shared with someone else who is experiencing it for the first time too, I wouldnt give it to much thought, if she wasnt a virgin, it would just be, I dont really know how to explain it, but hopefully somebody gets where Im coming from

[Mentor]

Josh and Protex,

 

I do get where you guys are coming from, believe me. I used to feel the same way you do. A long time ago. It is a special thing if you can each be each other's first, but if you fall for a girl and love her, you would not care if she had been with someone else before you. If you could not get over that fact, then I would question whether you really do love this girl. You would be thinking selfishly, and there is no place for that in this aspect of a loving relationship.

[Protex]

You're right.

 

It isn't any of my business, I just wish it had of been a mutual loss.

 

I don't think it would bother me as much if the previous partner truly did love her, which he didn't. Unfortunately, she found that out too late.

 

It just hurts to know that the relationship that I saved her from, already took something that precious.

 

It's not like I'm going to break up with her over something like this, it just will take me some time before I am ready for sex. definitely.

 

I agree with the poster before that said I really need to wait, as it will only cause more problems. And I intend to wait, for a pretty long time.

[Mentor]

It just hurts to know that the relationship that I saved her from, already took something that precious.

 

So show her what it means to be loved, and how special any physical affection is when it comes from someone who does truly love you. She will really appreciate that

 

You are very young, take things a step at a time....

[Protex]

I will.

 

Thank you VERY much.