justanotherg Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 It is only 5 years, but its an important 5 years. We also have a cultural gap (she is American and I am Australian). The things she is doing at 21 most people where I come from were doing at 16-18. Sometimes I find it so difficult to tolerate her friends (who are mostly younger but all immature), but I consider myself a likeable guy, and I dislike causing a fuss. Sometimes this hurts me, because even though I try to be nice and humorous on the outside, on the inside I am full of judgement! I wanna get rid of this! Tomorrow we are going to a concert 4 hours away with just my girlfriend and one of her girl friends. It'll be a huge age-gap, having been to music festivals my whole life, and tomorrow I feel my patience and tolerance will be tested at new levels. What is my duty as a level headed, communicating boyfriend? I don't want to hold in steam all the time and complain at the end of a day about this and that, but being older its frequent things get under my skin. What is my role tomorrow? Do I just accept the older, different nationality role and embrace it? I hate having to 'tolerate' these situations, I just wanna enjoy it. Any tips! Link to comment
LonelyPast Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I was 25 and she was 18 and that worked for a while. Now that I'm 30 and she's 23 the gap actually seems larger. It's all about where you're at and what you're doing. I'm pretty sure she has more relationship experience than me at this point and that actually makes things awkward in the other direction (even though I'm older). People can grow up, and if your goals are the same then this could be a non-issue. Could you tell us more about this cultural gap? I've often considered abandoning the United States to move to Australia. What would you say the biggest differences are? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 I have to admit I am really surprised that you find there is such a significant "cultural gap" between American/Australian. I find there is almost zero cultural gap, especially in the young people. I also don't see such a vast age gap either. I also don't see why you have to play any "role" tomorrow. Simply treat her as you would any girlfriend, friend or any person. Link to comment
panther Posted June 7, 2014 Share Posted June 7, 2014 Do you have a problem with the age gap only regarding her friends? Or do you also have a problem with the age gap between you and your girlfriend, independently of her friends? I mean, if you have a problem with age difference between you and your GF, then I don't see why you continue this relationship. Either you accept this, even if it is not the ideal situation you wished (no relationships are perfect), or you are not ok with it and you break up. Link to comment
justanotherg Posted June 8, 2014 Author Share Posted June 8, 2014 I was 25 and she was 18 and that worked for a while. Now that I'm 30 and she's 23 the gap actually seems larger. It's all about where you're at and what you're doing. I'm pretty sure she has more relationship experience than me at this point and that actually makes things awkward in the other direction (even though I'm older). People can grow up, and if your goals are the same then this could be a non-issue. Could you tell us more about this cultural gap? I've often considered abandoning the United States to move to Australia. What would you say the biggest differences are? Ah Neato mate. Well I personally find their to be a cultural gap because I am in the south (Alabama) and it's very slow and fascinating. The people are incredible generous however. I was raised in a 'English' household, so I fall on the 'queens' side of the coin. As such, I find mannerisms such as humour are widely different. Often i'll joke about serious things, and it will not get the desired reaction. Infact I believe the only things worth joking about are the serious things! Another is I find people I've encountered to be suspicious of silence. I'm use to light-hearted conversation and enjoying silence, but I feel like I am always having to defend my views/talk a lot. They are small differences, but not living on an amazing beach, earning 1/3 my salary and not hearing my home accent becomes quite demobilising at times! Do you have a problem with the age gap only regarding her friends? Or do you also have a problem with the age gap between you and your girlfriend, independently of her friends? I mean, if you have a problem with age difference between you and your GF, then I don't see why you continue this relationship. Either you accept this, even if it is not the ideal situation you wished (no relationships are perfect), or you are not ok with it and you break up. No, the first. My relationship with my girlfriend is what ticks, she's my best friend and when we are together theres no need for anyone else. But when I am with her friends I find myself exhausted. I often have to tell her at the end of a day or whatever how I struggled at times. Most of her friends are very intense, which she can handle, but for me, I am just chilled out and will always be Link to comment
akruchie Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 You're not much older at all. Five years is nothing. Just be her boyfriend and thats the only role you need to fill. Do not worry about their behavior, you're not responsible for it. If it really bothers you, then you need to sit down with her and talk to her about her immaturity and tell her your side, then listen to hers. It's all about compromise, my friend! Good luck! (I dated someone who was 7 years older when I was 18, don't be ashamed, if you love each other you love everything about them.) Link to comment
hortlzy Posted June 21, 2014 Share Posted June 21, 2014 I don't consider this an age gap. IMHO at the least when society talks of age gap they mean inter-generational...so a 30 year old dating a 55 year old. You're both millenials, grew up in the same societal conditions (social liberalism, 9/11, ICT/the Internet/smartphones/mobile phones in general)...so I can't see any problem in you dating. Link to comment
lukeb Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 I don't consider this an age gap. IMHO at the least when society talks of age gap they mean inter-generational...so a 30 year old dating a 55 year old. You're both millenials, grew up in the same societal conditions (social liberalism, 9/11, ICT/the Internet/smartphones/mobile phones in general)...so I can't see any problem in you dating. I agree, especially since here it is the guy who is 26 and the gal who is 21, it might have been different if it was the other way around, but there it is more a maturity issue anyways. Link to comment
sanok21 Posted August 13, 2014 Share Posted August 13, 2014 im 51 my partner is 23 we get on great there is no difficulty understanding each others humour, maturity can been seen in young or old depends on the person, the upbringing the family which they come from. Maybe the problem with this relationship is that he doesnt like to share her with her friends has they get on great when alone Link to comment
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