Ex is spreading lies

[Sunnysidex1]

Long story short my ex and I broke up 9 months ago, she left me. We have had a messy breakup, said and did things we both regret ect. I work with her and shes been spreading rumors and lies all around work, my friends and mutual friends. Ive complained to my work manager and he spoke to her and others at work who were harassing me about the lies. She was furious at this and told me to "leave her alone" so I did. She finally stopped for around a month and lately its all started again. We ran into each other at the same bar and she was telling everyone there lies such as im a stalker (brining up the fact I dropped a box of at her house 7 months ago as stalking). She was going around calling me F***face and intimidating (dirty looks and staring) my girl friends I was with that night.

 

I just want this to stop, how do I do it ? ive been to my manager and asked her numerous times to stop. Its getting worse and now shes telling friends ive just made all these disgusting lies.

 

Thank you

[Moontiger]

Document everything and keep your manager in the loop.

[christwowheels]

Yeah, document it all and keep the manager in the loop. But if you can, get another job. And never, ever date a coworker again...

[Sunnysidex1]

I am documenting everything. But there's also the fact that she's doing it outside of work. Do I just not go to that bar again ? or is that just giving in to her games. I don't want to be involved with all this but she's making drama to my friends and new people I've met. What's the best action ?

[memento]

I'm in the exact same situation as you're in. It's rough. Look for work else where. That's what I'm doing.

[Moontiger]

I am documenting everything. But there's also the fact that she's doing it outside of work. Do I just not go to that bar again ? or is that just giving in to her games. I don't want to be involved with all this but she's making drama to my friends and new people I've met. What's the best action ?

 

This is tough. No one can control what she does outside of work. My advice is to always try to arrive at the bar before her. I mean, how could you be stalking her if you were already there? Show through your actions that you are not what she says. Behave respectful with each interaction. If anyone ask you about her or the relationship keep it short "Ya, things didn't work out. Let not talk about this at work though. I'm trying to keep everything professional."

[ParisPaulette]

If her lies are affecting you professionally you could always contact a legal professional and consult with them about a legal action if it's creating a hostile work environment or you're being professionally slandered in some way. Then have the attorney draw up a cease and desist notice if one is warranted or perhaps send something to your boss about it. She is creating a hostile workplace and that's never acceptable. If your manager is being ineffective is there an HR rep or union rep or person above them that you can go to? If not again legal advice is the way to go, but that will only work if she is creating issues that are affecting your work--i.e. you're being passed up for promotion based on her rumors, she's openly hostile to you in the workplace, your production is being affected etc.

 

It sounds like she's got massive guilt issues and just wants you gone, so she doesn't have to be reminded of the failed relationship. Her solution is to run you off. Adopt an air of faintly puzzled and slightly amused boredom whenever it comes up. Say things like, "Really, I'm not sure where she's getting all these ideas. We've been over for months, not sure what she's playing at, but oh well." Shrug then change the topic. Or keep a notebook, write in it, when anyone asks what you're doing say, "Well, my attorney advised me to do this." Say nothing else, smile secretively, walk away. Watch them panic. Enlist your friends in backing you up. The girls you were with that night should be telling everyone, "Uh, he wasn't stalking her, she wishes, he was with us."

 

Sometimes fighting fire with subtle fire can be the way to go or just treating it the same way you would anyone who is creating a hostile workplace. Never say anything openly negative about her though. Stay calm, stay slightly bored with a "I'm not sure what all this fuss is about" and be a total professional who is good at your job. She'll end up looking like the crazy B and after you refuse to get sucked into the whole mess people will start to question why you're so cool about it all while she is so hysterical.

[Feast]

Paris nailed this, good advice. I wold also be careful that she may attempt to get a restraining order against you if she keeps going this route. Some judges give them out like candy. If she gets one it may jeopardize your job. The line from the movie War Games keeps hitting me "sometimes the only way to win is not to play," is this job really worth the hassle? If so, then follow Paris's advice but prep yourself for the worst.

[lukeb]

Paris nailed this, good advice. I wold also be careful that she may attempt to get a restraining order against you if she keeps going this route. Some judges give them out like candy. If she gets one it may jeopardize your job. The line from the movie War Games keeps hitting me "sometimes the only way to win is not to play," is this job really worth the hassle? If so, then follow Paris's advice but prep yourself for the worst.

 

A restraining order isn't an admission of guilt or innocence so there is no reason not to give them out "like candy" and without knowing more it is actually a good idea to get one. Either without you realizing it, or doing it on purpose you are actually both playing this game and feeding off of each other. The reason why she is doing what she is doing is because it is working and she is getting a reaction out of you. I can't really say because there really isn't enough information here. More times than not what is happening is that on some level you both want to keep in contact with one another and you are both feeding the drama to do so.

 

If you honestly want the drama to stop, you need to stop reacting to what she is doing. The reason why she is doing what she is doing is because of the drama it creates, by getting a reaction out of you. Endure this for a while and let her do her things, but don't respond or talk to your friends about it, if she continues which is highly unlikely, then get a restraining order against her. It is really important to give her total silence and to not talk to any of your mutual friends about anything she is doing or talk about her, or want to talk about her about anything.

[Sunnysidex1]

I haven't spoken to my ex since I spoke to my manager which was around 2 months ago. I also didn't speak to her that night at the bar I just had everyone else harassing me. I completely ignored and focused on my friends. I want nothing to do with this girl. I've found a new girl and I soley just want this to stop. I plan on never talking to her or about her again to anyone.

 

Thank you to everyone for giving me some good advice. I've never been in a situation like this and having people that don't know us give me advice really helps. Thank you.