Being a " F Buddy"

[DragonGirl724]

he said i'm not fbuddy, sex partner, or whatever you call that. he said we are friends. but friends don't have sex, but we do, then where do i belong?

 

youre right simply 'friends' dont have sex....if you guys have sex together than duh you are sex partners..... thats simply what 2 people are CALLED when they have sex together...sex partners, lovers etc...& if you 2 ARE friends & have 'benefits'...then guess what you 2 are...'friends with benefits'...i didnt read all 10 pages of replies. i could be missing some key points right now, but correct me if im wrong....

 

do u have strong feelings towards him? if so make it clear that this can not continue if you 2 arent on the same page. 100% understanding & clarification is key to having a successful 'fbuddy'.

 

-DG724

[Andy223]

Just like to say something here.

 

Tiger wrote:

_____________________________________________________________

 

1) I am not free to fly. So obviously I'm not COMPLETELY FREE.

2) If free will is completely determined by the past--you chose to believe in a certain conception of God because of things you were exposed to--how could it be that you could have ever had made the same choice had the circumstances been different. Can you honestly tell me that some buddist monk atop a mountain in Tibet will believe in your conception of God simply because he "chose to" (lets assume that he has all the necessary information at hand). If so, why doesn't he? I mean, he came to vastly different conclusions than you. And if your answer is the correct one, then it doesn't make much sense that he wouldn't obviously pick the correct answer: yours.

 

This is just an extreme example of a deeper problem. Like I said, you could have been a Saint or a gas chamber attendant, depending on your background. There's a reason most killers come from the Ghetto, there's a reason why Pakistan is 99% Muslim, and there is a reason why you believe the way you do, and it's entirely possible that it has nothing to do with free will (although I'm not sure myself). But in the very least it is entirely consistant that everything is COMPLETELY determined, and the world would look exactly the same.

_____________________________________________________________

 

If you are trying to back these statements then:

 

It would be a completely ridiculous to go with these quotes. If you do, then you are assuming that there is no such thing as free will or choice. If the whole world was determined and planned out from the start, what would be the point of living it. If some entity, knew exactly how everything was going to plan out in time, what would be the point of it ever happening. There would be no point. You would begin to question existence and there being no meaning to life, becuase it is all planned out. There are simply too many paths to take, that any 1 of these paths can be predicted. This is why i think time travel into the future is impossible. This is why I believe in choice and free will. + Tiger you are trying to fool yourself, by arguing a statement that you do not fully understand yourself. You simply dont know and no one does.

The future is unpredictable, due to so many variables and unknowns. We are "self - aware". This gives us the ability of choice and free - will.

[butterflies]

i have feelings for this guy, so this is the reason why i'm so dumb for letting him do this to me . do men really do anything in just for sex, like pretending he's concern for you, cares for u...etc. ???

[ShySoul]

There are some guys who will do and say anything to get a person in bed. Luckily these kind of guys are few, although there are still far to many. If you have feelings for this guy then you need to talk with him and make clear where this relationship is heading. If he doesn't have feelings for you then I would suggest getting out of the relationship. If you stay with him then your feelings will only grow and you'll be longing for a relationship that you know isn't going to happen. There is no reason to put yourself through that kind of suffering.

[discordant_verse]

Its a pretty dead topic but I felt I ought to write my thoughts out just to think it through.

 

I think that sex is a expression of the self and an appreciation of the other. I am not relgious either so sex in itself is sacred insofar as the individuals hold it so. I will argue the case as a secular humanist.

 

1. Sex with the one you love will be the !MOST AMAZING SEX!

 

Honestly, I wonder about that. I am of the opinion that this is patently untrue. I think the MOST AMAZING SEX you could ever have is with someone you have incredible sexual chemistry with. Where the passion between the two individuals literally boils over and cooks things in their immediate vicinity - visual description for exageration purposes only, may not reflect reality.

 

There is the suggestion that the people whom we would be most passionate about are the ones we love incredibly, I suggest then that it is an incredible delusion or, at the very least, naivette. Just as we distinguish sex from love, I distinguish passion from love. One can have the other, but not all the time and not exclusively.

 

It is only natural to compare our different lovers and say in one way or another, this one was "better" and this one was "not so good" if only based on how good they made us feel at the time. If people were experienced and truly honest with themselves, they would realise that perhaps their current love making is actually NOT as AMAZING as a prior passionate romance IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

 

 

2. Settling for "less" and the difference between kinds of "sex"

 

Knowing the difference between the love you have now and a past fling is the entire point. The experience can be enriching to the "true love" as with the experience and maturity gained can be used to fully explore not just the physical but the other aspects of love making. This is because its different everytime, just as circumstances change. Passionate sex, casual sex, virginal sex, whatever sex and love sex are all different. I'm a romantic so I will say that love sex will have something significant about it that can set is apart from others. But I will not say that anything other than love sex is any less.

 

This is not to say that experience WILL make a difference, I say it CAN. And in no respects will I suggest that virgins are incapable of truly appreciating love making. Circumstances will differ and the experience itself will be very different.

 

This is the kicker: Perhaps with LOVE, sex becomes the backdrop upon which LOVE plays out in stark contrast. SEX itself might NOT be AMAZING and perhaps its not as HOT AND PASSIONATE as a prior fling, but the LOVE glows bright and you can see it. THAT my friends is the special thing. LOVE itself is special. But this does not mean that the sex is any less with or without it. We can thus build a similar case for PASSION.

 

 

 

This entire thing about settling for less and all that, I think its simpler to look at the experience more as a journey. It merely depends on the road you take. Each road will give you a different experience. Whether one road is better than another, I think the individual, the one experiencing it all, is the one who is best to judge whether it was.

 

 

3. Waiting for "The One" before having sex

 

Personal choice, good idea. But if the one didnt turn out to be the one, dont fuss about it and move on. Every choice is its own road. which leads to the arguments for...

 

 

4. Only having sex with the one who is worthwhile, whom you want to have a future with

 

I've always wondered about this one. There are lots of people here who claim that we should only have sex with the one who mattered. That all other sex is in some way an immoral and disgusting thing.

 

Let me ask, those who think that we should only have sex with the one we thought was worthwhile - can you predict the future?

 

How do you know and with what form of RATIONAL and LOGICAL certainty do you know? How do you know that the one you are with NOW is the one you will be with FOREVER?

 

What is the difference between having a f buddy whom you know with certainty that there is no future and having a lover with whom you know with certainty that there is a future. If there is sex, there is sex.

 

 

Someone mentioned how men would say and do anything to get a gal into the sack. Based on that, the phrase "gal i plan to marry" means nothing. Remember, a "i plan to marry" is very distinctive and different from "i am married"... perhaps men would go so far to get sex that they could make themselves think of commitment before they are truly ready.

 

 

5. A Waste of Time

 

There are some who commented that those flings were a waste of time.

 

Why?

 

Why was it a waste of time?

 

What kind of regret is there to having had good sex?

 

Would your time be any better served running around looking for that true love? Again, I ask how you could predict the future and know with certainty that being attached to a F buddy reduces your chances of finding true love.

 

For those romantics, there is this thing about true love - if it was meant to be, it will be.

 

With this future certainty, it doesnt matter whether you were with an F buddy or not. If true love comes your way, you will just know and it will just happen. Sure, an F buddy might make for a messy situation in such case but I am giving people the benefit of maturity.

 

And dont ever say it was a waste of time. This is an incredible disrespect of your previous partners. I dare you to go to every single one of your previous partners and tell them that they were a waste of time. If they were TRULY a waste of time, then you wouldnt have bothered with them. And even if they were a waste of time, then they werent - silly as it sounds, those wastes of time taught you a valuable lesson... in such a case, how could it be a waste of time?

 

And how could you say it was a waste of time when you enjoyed it? I assume we enjoy sex with a person else we wouldnt have partaken of it.

 

 

6. Instintive Immoral Behaviour

 

Most of the posts past the middle of this thread reek of it. The accusation that sex without intent of love/marriage/etc is instinctive immoral behaviour flavoured in numerous religious perspectives notwithstanding a lack of "sacredness".

 

I do not believe that having sex lessens a man. I think bigotry does. I think intolerance, ignorance and stupidity are greater sins than LUST or having sex. Lust is so passe and prosaic.

 

There will always be LUST. We are human. There is nothing wrong with being human. Sex is one of the things we do. There is nothing wrong with it - insofar as you hurt no one. And please do not build a case on religious spiritual hurt - I'm going to hell, and I'm going to have a hell of a time there.

 

Sex without love can still be fulfilling. We human beings are instinctively capable of lust and of the sex act, most definitely. There is no reason why a f buddy relationship could not be fulfilling in some way other than purely sexual. Or perhaps it is through sexuality that we fulfill whatever needs we have at the time - be it a need to assuage loneliness, satisfy a need for affection/intimacy, provide the medium to express appreciation or desire or admiration, etc. Celibecy and restraint is a choice that does not make one divine in some way though it has to be respected in its own way.

 

The real test of a human being, irregardless of whatever his/her undertaking, is to practice awareness, exercise knowledge and be guided by love - love being kindness, delight and well wishing. This is maturity.

 

The true sacredness of the sex act is what's brought to it. Sex will always be sacred so long as you hold sacredness to yourself. In secular terms, so long as you respect yourself, treat yourself with pride and dignity and share with your partner in this manner, a mature manner, then the sex act will be sacred.

 

Feel free to snipe. I learn through knowing other people's thoughts.

 

Cheers

DV

[jessijess]

My own 50 year old mother has an "F" buddy. EWWWW!!!! Ok, that was for whoever thought the original poster was an F buddy & thought they were too old for that type of relationship.

but I actually have an F buddy & we are friends with benefits. In other words, above all else, we are friends & then we happen to sleep together once in a while. At first I started to delevop feelings for him, but then I realized that a relationship between us would never work & its great!

[June4life]

I just think the whole situation is wrong.. I mean, I'm really the kind of person who feels you truly love someone and have sex with them out of love.....

 

I'm not saying any of you who have F buddy's are wrong in any way. Thats definitely your choice.

 

I'm just saying its not something i would do!

[tanned_production]

it depends on the people. i know that some guys that want "fbuddys" is simply for someone to "f" when they feel the need. no strings attached... not even a friendship. i am aware, however, that there could be a friendship involved. depends on the guy. if this is your situation, talk to the person about it

[ShySoul]

People are too afraid to take a moral stance these days. Having an "F buddy" is wrong. It demeans the very act and purpose of sex. I'm not saying the people are wrong or bad, the act is. Love the sinner, hate the sin.

 

1. Sex with the one you love will be the !MOST AMAZING SEX!

 

Note that for all of this I'm referring to being with the one true love of your life, the person you are married to and promised to spend the rest of your life with. When you are with the one you truly love and are devoted to then that love will manifest itself in passion and sexual chemistry. The closeness you feel will make the act truly special, for that moment two hearts beat as one and you will feel a greater sensation then ever before. Maybe its not as amazing in one specific area, but the overall feeling and enjoyment will be the most amazing.

 

2. Settling for "less" and the difference between kinds of "sex"

 

When sex is for love, it far ourshines anything else you've ever experienced. Without it sex may feel good in a bodily way, but the emotional and spiritual elements is what transcend it from FEELING good to BEING good.

 

3. Waiting for "The One" before having sex

4. Only having sex with the one who is worthwhile, whom you want to have a future with

 

If I'm going to give my heart to someone in the most private and intimate way I can, I want it to be with that one person who truly does love, understand and care about me like no one else can. Call me old fashioned, but thats why I want to be married first. If I hold out on sex and marriage until I am certain that I've found the person I am suppose to be with, then it will be more meaningful to be and more special. The wait just intensifies the feeling. I'll be able to say that all the years and all the time alone was worth it because it lead me to her. If anything, that will build up more passion that's waiting to be releashed for the one person who touches my heart deeply enough.

 

You can say that we can't predict the future with logic and rational thought. Actually we can but thats not the point for this topic. The point is that when you are with the one you will be with forever, you will know. Yes, logically you can point out that most marriages end in divorce. But love is something that transcends logic, and this is coming from a guy who enjoys doing logic problems and brainteasers and has always had a logic oriented mindset. There are couples out there who have been together 50 years, many longer. Say what you want about things maybe not working out, if the two people love each other and work together it can last forever. Using that kind of logic is just coming up with excuses to justify behavior. It's basically saying, if I wait then things MAY not work out so why not just do it now and enjoy it as much as I can.

 

Some guys may do anything to sleep with a girl. They are the jerks who always end up hurting the girl in the end and may even be so deceiving as to use mariage as a tool. Some women are like that to. That's why its important for people to wait until they are certain it is love and not just give in. Luckily these people are not the majority.

 

5. A Waste of Time

 

Being a buddy may lead to emotional attachment which can dampen your chances of finding someone else since you are hung up on the person you are sleeping with. As much as people may say there are no strings attached, some feelings will exisit. It could also be a major turn off for someone that you are interested in. I, for one, would immediately question a girls morality and vaules if she told me she had a buddy, no matter how much else I may like her. Even if it can be worked out, that creates an extra, unnecessary hurdle.

 

There will be regret involved. You may enjoy it at the time but odds are you will be hating yourself in the morning or down the road. You've fulfilled bodily desires but there will still be an emptyness in your heart and soul that can't be filled into you find love. Sex isn't about the body, it is about the heart and soul. It can be good in a bodily way but is almost certainly going to cause problems otherwise.

 

As a romantic (as if you couldn't tell I was one it does matter if you have a buddy or not. When true love comes I will know, but I won't be saddled with excess baggage that I have to deal with. True love involves knowing that you are meant to be together. Certainly, knowing that someone would go to another person just for sex has to create doubt in a persons mind that (s)he wants what you want. Afterall, if the person was truly looking for love, why would they be going around sleeping with someone they don't love? Again, its an excuse to satisfy bodily carvings.

 

Whats disrespectful is not saying it was a waste of time, what is disrespectful is the fact that you would use each other for sex in the first place. If you were involved in a serious relationship, the it wouldn't be a waste of time because there was at least some love there. But the nature of having an F buddy is one that is fundamentally dispespectful to the other person, and to yourself. The only lesson that it can teach you is to have a higher opinion of sex and love then you uses to, something that you really should have known in the first place and don't need to play games with peoples emotions and feelings to understand.

 

6. Instintive Immoral Behaviour

 

Anything I say comes from a moral standpoint, nothing to do with religion. Sex does not lessen man, sex is a wonderful and beautiful thing under the right circumstances. I'm saying that the man is lessening sex. Yes lust exisits and we are human. But are humans merely animals that have to give in to our carnal desires? Or are we something greater that can understand and comprehend things such as love? "There is nothing wrong with it insofar as no one gets hurt." But people do get hurt. Feelings can develop from such a close, personal act and it hurts the person when they see that nothing will come of it. You hurt yourself, just listen to that voice inside you questioning why you keep doing this. You still feel the loneliness of not having true love, probably magnified by getting a brief piece of what it would be like but knowing that what you have isn't real, isn't love. There are better ways to feel desires to not be lonely. You can be intimate without resorting to sex. Ever notice how much a simple hug can mean, how good it can make you feel? Ever notice how a simple hello and smile can brighten your day? Ever notice how just being able to talk to someone and know that the care about and understand you can put you in a good mood? That is how you satisfy need to not be lonely or to be appreciated.

 

I'm not criticizing those in a committed relationship who are having sex. My choice is to wait but I don't expect other people to make that choice. The problem is when you engage in those activites just to engage in those activites. That is immoral and wrong.

[Caldus]

Why argue about this? No one is going to win. If two people want to be **** buddies then that's their choice. No matter what you argue in here, people are going to do it. Believe it or not some people will think sex is just fine even if you're not their boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife. I just don't see the purpose in arguing about the feasibility of **** buddies.

[discordant_verse]

The case for sex before marriage, an excerpt from one of Dennis W Neder's posts on link removed

 

 

 

I agree with him to a degree though there are some rhetoric I can live without.

 

regards

DV

[jaiva]

you are 38 and you are a f*** buddy? no offense but i didnt know people your age did stuff that wasnt relation ship-y

 

I agree. But I don't think there is room for a friendship in that relationship. All the people want to do is bone. I wouldn't do it because women can get to emotionally attached to a person, especially when they've given them the goods.

 

Jaiva

[ShySoul]

It's not just the women who get attached. Despite the stereotype of wanting sex and not caring after, men can get very attached as well.

 

As for having sex before marriage, the immature idea of sex and relationships is to sleep with someone because they are there are because you can. By waiting until marriage you are saving that level of intimacy for someone truly special. Of course, that only applies if you are getting married for the right reasons and not rushing into it just for the sex. Then when you are married you get to explore that element of a relationship with someone you are truly devoted to. That's a much more mature view.

 

The guy in the quote is assuming that by not exploring that element before you are married, you will have an unhealthy realtionship. Not true. You can have a great, healthy relationship without sex being part of it. Then when you do get to that level after marriage, you can explore it with the incredible feeling of knowing this is the person you are spending the rest of your life with. And there are ways of exploring sexuality without actually sex, or any forms of it. Sexuality isn't so much physical as it is a state of mind. It is more emotional, mental, and spiritual. The actual physical act isn't anything special, its the love and feeling behind it that makes it truly wonderful.